One of the most destructive forces to our productivity that we know is an empty bank account. I’m theoretically opposed to the idea that No Funds = No Fun, but a lack of cash is really difficult for us to look past. It robs us of focus, creativity, motivation, and hope, even when we believe that it’s only a temporary problem. And even while we are having wonderful moments with our family, the penniless reality seeps back into our minds and taunts us: shouldn’t you be doing something productive to solve your little problem? Which leads to guilt. There’s always guilt. And fear; fear that utilities will be shut down, fear of not having enough food, fear of being judged for not having our act together, fear of it being a permanent thing, and then if fear settles in, its evil twin shows up: Irrational Fear, the harbinger of sleepless nights, anxiety and monsters lurking in the shadows outside our house.
I’m not looking for advice, or a handout. I’m just putting that reality out there because I believe that there are many of you that can relate. Also, I’m hoping it’s a reality check for anyone who might think that our life is all rainbows and unicorns. It’s not. Most of the time we choose to focus and share the fun and beautiful parts. Those moments shine even more brightly when there’s a degree of darkness in our lives as well; it may be struggle, work, chores, watching the news, getting informed about human trafficking, or more. I would love to have a carefree life, but I don’t believe for a second that it’s an attainable reality, even though I experience it in brief moments. No, that’s my hope of what the afterlife is with God. For now, the beautiful, the darkness, the struggle, the hope, etc, are a part of our everyday lives. It’s all a question of where the balance hangs, and our ability to hold on to hope. Without struggle there is no victory, I suppose. But in the struggle, the end isn’t always apparent or assured.
While we swim in the swirling dark gunk of struggle, we make a plan, do what we can, and wait for the pieces to fall into place; and we have prayer. This one popped into my head today:
“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”
– Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
AND the ability to let go and be in the moment when there is nothing I can do in that moment to change our situation.
~ Jeremy
beautiful, cuts straight to the heart.
Thank you.
~ Jeremy
Hi there, long time reader, first time commenter…
Thanks for this. I find that lifestyle blogging, or just social media, presents a curated view of lives that mostly focuses on the happy, awesome parts of life. I can count on you to also include the frustrations and doubt around parenthood. Today, this especially hit home. We’ve been living on one income for over a year, and relocated recently to reduce our cost of living. I’m so grateful that we had the mobility to do so. Life isn’t perfect now, but there’s less struggling and having the experience of the struggles we’ve had this past year makes us appreciate the reduction in stress. I’m also always keenly aware that even though I find it difficult to adjust to one income, I’m also so very lucky to have a family, a loving supportive partner, a roof over my head, food (even when it’s bean soup or plain pasta) – and access to information and community through the internet!
Thank you
Thank you for your encouraging words. Though we do focus a lot on the positive side of parenting and family relationships, because we find that life is so much more enjoyable when we tune in to the beauty all around us, we do try to include the other facets of our life – those less-pleasant. I’m happy to hear that this is encouraging for others out there. 🙂
~ Jeremy
Funny how I come to your website so I can stay awake long enough to hear the washer finish so I can out my husbands’ socks in the dryer since he’s out of clean ones and I run into this. The night that he gets his direct deposit and we realize that he didn’t get paid for his vacation. We don’t even have enough to pay rent… Then he goes on to say that he needs to get to sleep because he’s starting to feel depressed that he’s not making enough (since we only live off of one income) and even if he brought home a decent check it still wouldn’t be enough. Finally he’s gone to sleep and I read this and it’s brought comfort to me especially the prayer which I will copy and keep on hand. I’m not sure if there really was a point to this comment so I’ll just end it with thank you for bringing me comfort and piece of mind also thank you for reminding me to enjoy the better things even during a struggle.
Thank you for taking the time to leave a response. I’m so glad that our writing has given you some comfort in this trying time. You’re not alone.
~ Jeremy
oh dont i know this well.
I am from your area though, and We have been combating this with creativity thinking “if the kids cant tell, we will be okay”.
ive never googled so much about free activities before (lots at our libraries and pools though, btw!)
but, we can do hard things, we will do hard things, we will be forced to experience hard things.
and we will get through hard things. youre a strong family, at least thats what I can tell.
Namaste, brother J!
I relate to everything about this. For our entire married life we have had the ebb and flow of moments like this. We have had to sell books, clothes, CDs, etc to make groceries or rent some weeks. A particular bleak moment was the week my son was born last year, my husband had just finished graduate school with no job lined up and I had prodromal labor which forced me to start my unpaid maternity leave early. All I could think of while 40 weeks pregnant and preparing to bring a child into the world was that if I was working, I could be bringing in money and working overtime. You are not alone and I admire you for telling the truth. In the end, what we will remember is our family and the good times. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
Thanks for your honesty. Many families, even my own can relate. All you can do is hold onto your faith and the hope that everything will work out, which it usually does. Your family is an inspiration to many. You are so blessed with 6 beautiful and healthy children. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you nothing but health, happiness, and financial stability in the future.
I understand completely. I quit my job after the birth of my second child last year, and my entire identity changed. My foundation was rocked to the core, and while there were countless other less-obvious effects from the change, lack of money was huge. I never expected it to feel like such a change in freedom. No matter how truly unmaterialistic you are, having no funds is just really hard.