“Mommy, I feel weird and embarrassed sometimes about our relationship.” My heart sank at my 15 year old’s words. I loved our relationship and thought she did too. In fact, parenting teens had, to this point, proved to be my favorite stage.
I told myself not to take it personally,
“Oh, ok. Want to tell me more about that?” Don’t cry, I told myself and don’t come across as desperate or you’ll scare her. But I might have felt desperate.
“Yeah, it’s just that most of my friends talk about their parents in a bad way.” She went on to explain that her friends and other teenagers she knows always seem to be fighting with their parents and it’s like the kids think the parents are stupid and controlling and the parents think the kids are stupid and irresponsible. All the time. She ended with “It’s just not cool to like your parents.”
“Hmmmm, interesting. Sometimes I feel like it’s also not cool to like your teenage kids.” Then I showed her a meme that had been going around Facebook and the phrases about how if you thought parenting toddlers was hard, wait until you have teenagers. I dropped a bomb with showing her a friend’s Facebook status about how they knew they were on the right track with their teens because their kids didn’t like them. She seemed to sink a little when I told her I’ve had people tell me to just wait it will get worse when I say I enjoy parenting teens so far.
We hugged in mutual sadness. My heart buoyed as she whispered she didn’t care about being cool. At least not when it comes to this, maybe in some other areas though.
The gratitude that I feel that she and our 13 year old cherish our relationship and are willing to be uncool to preserve it is overwhelming. Our teens are amazing people, I admire them and am blown away by how kind, compassionate, vulnerable, and insightful they are. Thankfully, our teens aren’t the only ones that have decided it’s ok to not be cool and go ahead and like their parents, other families are finding that building a relationship with their teens based on love and respect actually works. We’re encouraged by those families to reject the stereotypical attitude about parenting teens.
Because when it comes to the prevailing advice and mentality about parenting teens I’m just tired of it. The memes, the advice, the Facebook brags about how their kid hates them so they know they must be doing something right, the articles pointing out how it isn’t important if your kids like you just teach them what they need to know about real life and don’t expect them to want to be with you, give up hope of them talking and opening up to you, and don’t dare think they will respect you unless you make them by showing them who’s boss. I’m sick of it.
“If your teen hates you, you’re doing it right.”
Congrats I guess, if this is what you aspire to in parenting but I call bull.
“It’s not your job to be their friend, it’s your job to be their parent.”
This is mutually exclusive because…?
“They may hate you now but they’ll be thanking you later.”
And you wonder why they have a lack of respect?
“It’s better they fight you now than go to jail later.”
Obviously it has to be one or the other, fight now or go to jail later. I don’t think so.
“Oh, you think it’s hard now, just wait until you have teenagers.”
Well if they are anything like you…
Please, STOP telling me our relationship with our teens should suck.
And while I’m at it, shaming your kids is NOT great parenting. It’s not even human decency. How awesome, asshole parenting going viral on the internet and those are the people getting the parenting praise. Shooting your kid’s computer, forcing them to hold a humiliating sign in public, or smearing their reputation on social media is not admirable, against an adult it would be considered assault and slander. Grow up, be the parent, model something decent.
Often I hear how too many parents are trying to be their child’s friend, not their parent. Why can’t it be both?
You know what? My parents weren’t my friends when I was a teen and they aren’t my friends today. I don’t need a parent in much of a parenting way today. Not that I couldn’t use wise counsel or someone that understands me and supports me that I feel safe with, because I do need that. Thankfully I have that too. In some incredible friends.
I hesitate to write this, there is a chance my parents will read it and it will hurt them. That’s not what I want. I love my parents, I care deeply for them and I don’t want to cause them pain. The truth is though, I don’t know what kind of relationship I have with them today. When I left my teens and my parent’s home, I knew they weren’t my friends. After I, with Jeremy’s help, clearly drew the line that they were done parenting me (AKA “telling me what to do” AKA “offering guidance”, AKA controlling me) neither my parents nor I understood what kind of relationship we then had. They were still my parents but they weren’t responsible for parenting me any more and if they tried I resisted. They also weren’t my friends, they never had been and trying to act like we were felt awkward, like something that fit both too small and too large all at once. Something that belonged to someone else, not us. When they wanted to share their opinions on our family planning decisions, I immediately bristled. I could talk about sex and birth control with my doctor and my best girl friends, shoot, even in mixed company with other couples, but my parents? No way. There was nothing there that made me want to even hear what they had to say on the subject. I still felt like they were disapproving of my clothing choices.
Over time it has gotten easier, this new normal, but it still isn’t what they want or what I want. We just haven’t figured out anything else and there was no parent to friend switch we could flip to make it all hunky-dory so we’ve just stumbled along for half of my life trying to understand this territory of grown up child and parents relationship. I still enjoy spending some time with them but it’s been two years since I’ve seen my mom, longer for my dad and, though it pains me to say it, we’re doing fine with this arrangement.
I’m not going to lie, I want to be friends with my children. Now and in the future. Some families may navigate the transition from parenting to parentfriends just fine but I can’t help but wonder if the relationship we have with our children when they are young directly impacts the relationship we have with them when they are adults. What I longed for the most initially when I left my parents’ home was for them to respect me and with that to trust me. The problem? I had not felt those things with them before I left and saw no evidence of them after.
When I interact with my daughters I don’t want the idea that I respect them, trust them, and value their friendship to be a foreign or surprising concept. Jeremy and I are far from perfect people, we make plenty of mistakes and have to admit to realizing we can do better. We have bad days and immature moments. We yell, attempt to manipulate, and sometimes struggle to be honest about our screw ups. We have plenty of good days too full of surprisingly mature moments and honest openness. Our communications are sometimes exactly what we would hope they would be, reflecting our true hearts. There are moments when we attempt to control others and resist the guidance of those that love us and there are moments when we interact and manage our own behavior exactly how we would like. Learning and growing in relating to others and understanding ourselves continues to be a journey for us.
In other words, we’re really not that different from our children.
Is it possible that in stigmatizing teens as being difficult we are creating our own struggle? Could we as adults, be internalizing the inner conflict of the teens around us and making it about us when it is actually just their own struggle? Instead of taking it personally, could we simply empathize with respect and be a safe place for them to test the adult skills they need to develop? Is it possible that we’re talking at them when we should be listening to them?
My years as a teen are still incredibly painfully fresh for me. I can still sing the song I made up about how I was to dress after a long and agonizing late night conversation with my parents about the length of a skirt I had worn and with the melody and lame rhymes, the frustration and anger still stings as I felt that my own opinion didn’t have any bearing as to what I was permitted to put on my own body. Though my parents had emphasized multiple times in that conversation that this was about me respecting myself, I felt powerless in that moment. How could I respect myself when they couldn’t respect me? They wouldn’t even listen to me.
With our own teens we don’t know exactly what we are doing but we’re listening to the voices of others that believe parenting teens can be different. Like this one and some friends that have adult children now and they didn’t just survive their children’s teen years, they thrived as a family. What we tell ourselves when it is tough in the moment is that we don’t want to give our children something to fight against, instead we want to come along side them and fight with them against whatever they are battling, be it internal or external. It doesn’t mean there are no boundaries or that they escape all consequences for bad choices. It means not having to control them, respecting them, trusting them, encouraging their own critical thinking process and problem solving, and helping them navigate their terrain with growing confidence in themselves. Providing tools and skills, training to deal with life’s challenges, our role is support. Many parents love their children but do we forget that respect is key in showing love?
Psychology Today describes respect thus:
Respect means we have high regard or admiration for another’s views and feelings. We value their abilities and inner qualities.
Jeremy and I want something different from what we grew up with, something different from the popular ideas on parenting teens. For starters, we want genuine respect.
When we talk about teens and our relationship with them with a touch (or more like a giant heaping) of disdain, dismiss their feelings and perspectives as simply rebellion or naiveté, and demand respect without giving respect, why are we surprised these incredible individuals don’t respect us and don’t want to be vulnerable with us. Children learn best from modeling, that doesn’t change just because their bodies start to change and hormones increase. Want respect from your teen? Start by giving it.
I was not prepared for how much I would enjoy having teens. It makes becoming older so much more fun. The teens in our home are the kind of people I’m blessed to call friend, honored to call daughters. Like their younger sisters, they inspire me every day and our teens challenge me to be a better person and know myself. I love the people my children are.
So top telling me our relationship with our teens should suck. Because it doesn’t, it rocks.
Want more on interacting with teens in a healthy way? This excellent article from Psychology Today is one of my favorites, bookmarked so I can frequently refer to the practical tips.
~Jessica
Jessica, this was simply beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I have to say about those ‘shaming parents’…I wish they all had better resources, as I wish for so many amd for my former self.
I have rolled my eyes on more than one occasion at someone telling me how I’ll suddenly hate my children once they’re teens. And I do strive for friendship with them, it’s one of the reasons they can trust me – friends look out for each other and they are secure that’s what I’m doing. I loved your description of the mistakes you and Jeremy make…I reflect on this constantly for myself, to okay nd myself that I’m no better, just further along on my journey. 🙂 Thank you for writing this. I will share.
BEAUTIFUL article! My daughter is 11 and considers me her “best friend.” (She has other “best friends,” that are her age, but says that I’m her #1 best friend.) I also consider her one of my best friends, although of course there are “secrets” I can’t share with her as they’re not age-appropriate… but to go places and do things with a friend? She’s #1 on my list!
I do try to treat her with respect & love. It’s encouraging for me to see that yes – there ARE parents who have GOOD relationships with their teens, so my theory has merit!
Like you, I was never “friends” with my parents, and they’re not my “friends” now, as they’ve never stopped trying to parent me. 🙁 That is NOT what I want with my daughter, or with my sons as they reach their teen years not long after my daughter.
I’ve been looking forward to the teen years for a while, & this post just fans that flame of anticipation. 🙂
Thank you for this! After growing up with authoritarian parents who rarely apologized, and who just considered it a given that the teen years would be contentious ones, I am trying to rewrite the story with my own children. I so feel more comfortable in my own skin and so fulfilled by my role of mom when I honor the people they are as opposed to trying to force my will on them.
Right on, mama! I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for having the courage to post this.
THANK YOU! Love it!
I just have to point this out. Every family is different and brings to the table the values they learned from their families. For example, I was raised in an intact family and was never close with my mom. I didn’t like a lot of the things my parents modeled so when I began my family in the late 70’s, I was becoming a feminist and I vowed to raise my children differently. I read all I could find about parenting, there wasn’t much. Along with the liberal attitudes of the 60’s – sex, drugs & rock n roll, I was the first in my family to divorce my husband in the 80’s after having 2 children. More books were being published, but most people were still not honest about abusive relationships. No one had any advice about single parenting, especially my parents who were a ‘team’, a ‘united front’. I thought of myself as a pioneer without a compass. I was also having my babies at home!
I was fighting with my ex about parenting. He wanted to be their friend and accused me, often in front of them of being too controlling. When our son was 15, he wanted to live with his dad who was very permissive as our son’s ‘friend’ -ly father.
Anyway, I practiced attachment parenting, stayed home with the kids when little and chose a career that allowed me to get them off in the am with a good breakfast plus be home when they got home from school. I kept them close and accountable to my family values.
My son was great with me and respected my boundaries, while at his dad’s he was doing drugs & hanging with wanna be gangsters! He ended up overdosing at his dad’s during his 2 week stay there and we almost lost him. It turns out his overly permissive, friendly father let him run wild and rarely saw him during his time with our son! His dad had a harsh lesson to learn, to say the least. Our daughter chose to stay mostly with me & had no such problems.
I think it needs to be made clear in articles like this That single parents face many obstacles & challenges intact families – who get along, can’t even imagine. That setting boundaries (and sticking to them) is not an un-friendly or disrespectful thing to do with children. Also, that a father who backs the mom makes all the difference in the world!
D.A. Riley – I am sorry that your son overdosed, and I’m glad you didn’t lose him. Just please don’t imply that author’s parenting methods will result in your teen overdosing. The author of this blog never said to “let him run wild.” She never said “rarely see your kids.” It sounds like your ex-husband and the writer of this blog are worlds apart.
Just because a parent is their teenager’s friend, that doesn’t make that parent permissive.
Hi Terra, I didn’t say those things, nor did I imply them. I stated my thoughts, experience & feelings then I asked for the article to include reference to single parenting, abusive relationships and their effect on our children. Please re-read what I wrote. Thank you!
I’m so sorry to hear about your son, that really breaks my heart to hear.
I think from the sounds of it your husband didn’t respect your son anymore than a harsh, controlling parent respects their children. What an awful thing to have happen to you and your children.
I think respect and discipline go hand in hand. It’s the punishment, tone of voice and need to dictate another human being that breaks the relationship down. But saying that I’m only still parenting at toddler level so it’s all a learning curve for me.
I hope you son is ok now.
He is! and thank you for asking. He has mild brain damage – we don’t know how long he was not breathing before his friend who TG was spending the night woke up & found him. He was in critical condition on full life support for 48 hrs & I slept beside his bed holding his hand & praying! None of the hosp staff thought he would make it and are so happy he did. I still have PTSD from it. That was when he was 17, he’s 25 now with a family and a home. Oh, and I have to tell him he’s too strict with his little boys! LOL
I became a single mother during my children’s teen years (ages 14 and 17) when their father left. We do not agree on parenting styles. He thinks I’m too permissive, but I am involved, the girls do not run wild, and they are people I’m happy to call my friends. They ask my opinion, they ask my advice, they ask me for help when they need it. They ask me first (before their dad) because they trust me, they know that my thoughts and opinions are just that, MY thoughts and opinions, and that I recognize that THEY need to be the ones to make THEIR own decisions. They see their dad, on the other hand, as being hypocritical and controlling.
While it would be nice to both be on the same page with parenting, it has proven to not be necessary. He recognizes that he can’t control how I parent, and I make sure the girls know that when they’re at his house, it’s his rules (even if I disagree with those rules, though we also talk about why he might have those rules, what his reasons might be). The one thing that does work well for us is that either girl can spend time at either home as she sees fit, without having to stick to a “schedule” of “dad’s day/night” or “mom’s day/night”. This allows them to get a break from either one of us if they feel they want or need that.
Hi, I’m happy for you your ex is cooperative and has the same values as you regarding visits. I had to fight my ex in court about that. He resented me leaving him, has many issues and had a lot of growing up to do – clearly not your ex. Best wishes –
Also when my son wanted to live primarily with his dad which his dad never wanted, but would not tell him mo, you can’t live with me (turns out the reason our son wanted to live with him was the pot grower my son was dealing for lived right next door) and basically ‘farmed’ him out to his friend’s parents neither of us knew – I went to meet them after our son was injured at their house and requested his dad get to know them, but he refused. My ex & I began fighting because I was finding out he was letting our son run wild – my SIL let me know our son was getting home at 3am. He began failing in school, and my SIL plus another good friend were both admonishing his dad to have limits/boundaries and act like a dad! I took a step back because I didn’t want to fight with my ex – sometimes he would attack me verbally right in front of our son. Things just got worse after that with the drugs/alcohol abuse. I wanted to trust that my ex would rise to the occasion and protect our son, but I was sadly mistaken! His own parents had let him run wild in the late 60’s – before crack, valium, methadone were all over the streets, so he thought since he had survived, so could our son! It turns out the father of the friend my ex was letting our son basically live with had pain meds several kids were getting in to! It got out of had so fast, it made my head spin! My son did not confide in me, but he did use while at my house and I knew right away he was into more than just pot or alcohol at a party. I called my ex right away and told him, but he blew me off, told me I was imagining it and declared our son always told him ‘everything’- then I called his fiance who told me they would ‘ask the angels’ if anything was happening!! I yelled at her, I am his mother!! I’m not making shit up just to bother you guys! They simply did not want to take care of a teen, so he OD’d at their house on a school night – right under their noses! Go figure! My son has a bit of brain damage as a result, and would be dead if a friend hadn’t spent the night. His dad didn’t even look in on him before leaving for work in the am. His dad was also preparing to write a parenting book for new age parents and was using our son as a guinea pig – wanting to reinvent the wheel. I had already successfully raised 2 teens without any drug or alcohol issues – they were home most of the time and accountable to my family values.
Yes, girls do tend to confide in mom first. I experienced that with my 2 daughters also. Boys however turn to their dads more at about 14-15 yrs old. Both my sons did. They have different fathers….
Thanks for posting this! After talking with you breifly about this at mommycon in Austin, I’m so glad to read an extended version of what we were talking about. This gives me hope for the future years of parenting. I love who my children are now at 6, 4, and 5 months… So I don’t expect to just stop loving who they are when they hit 13. Teens are awesome people, and I’m glad to see another parent who isn’t buying into the crap.
-Shayna 🙂
Thank you for this, it is very insightful to me. I’m not the mother of teens myself, mine are just getting started (16 months and 3 months). But I have a wonderful friendship with my mom and dad and I long for my girls to find the same safe place in me and my husband. You reminded me that respect for my children must take place every day, even when they’re really little. In a lot of ways, it’s super important to do it when they’re little because I can make it a habit now that just grows and grows as they get older. I’m so glad other parents want to have positive relationships with their teenagers. I’m so looking forward to that age!
You convinced me with the comparison to your parents. It’s the most painful part of my life – trying to let my parents into my life as friends, and only finding advice/criticism.
Thank you Jessica! I have a similar relationship with my daughter. You can be your teenager’s friend AND a role model…the two are not mutually exclusive.
(I confess, when people complain to me about their teen being a jerk, I can’t help but wonder who is really causing the problem)
I have seen many parent/teen relationships that are great, people that tend to speak out with a negative comment are likely really searching for hope. I think most of us that struggle with our teens negative behavior are not trying to say “if your teen hates you, you’re doing it right” because we want to state our kids hate us, but as a coping mechanism to distract from the hurt felt when we are no longer cherished by our children. Some instances are beyond fault or blame and are simply just a struggle in an individual family. The desire to cope with that pain may be more like a cry for hope more than an attack on the lives of those who are blessed with less of a struggle in that area of their lives.
Thank you! my sentiments exactly. Parents who are struggling like me – battling a less than cooperative ex need compassion – not critique.
Thank you so much! I am the father I always wanted to have, and to be able to give unconditional love to my son is my greatest joy. He knows of no punishment nor nagging: my wife and I attempted a 20 second timeout when he was three. We looked at each other and thought: “Who makes up this crap?” After this and another equally pointless attempt to punish, we knew we would modify behavior by talking kindly. We make it a point to teach ourselves and our son to be 100% responsible for our feelings, i.e., to never feel like victims and to always confront with kindness. I am so looking forward to the next year and a half, when he becomes a teen. Keep up the love.
That’s beautiful. I hope you get closer and closer to each other as a family through the “terrible” teen years! We LOVE out teens. ~ Jeremy
Love this! It totally describes my relationship with my 16 yr old son. He’s an awesome kid. We had a shitty relationship up until I finally let go of “social norms” and just treated him like a human being. I’m so thankful I found unschooling. It literally saved my relationship with him! I already knew that I didn’t want to fight, at least, but I just didn’t understand that I needed to be respectful to him before he could respect me. Now we’re best friends!
It’s so obvious that you get respect by modeling respect; why on earth does it take us so long to recognize it? Thank you for sharing a part of your journey. ~ Jeremy
Yes, yes, yes! I consider myself really fortunate that my mother and I have always been friends, because you are right. That remains when the need to be parented is over! I’m 44 and Mum just turned 80 but we go out together every week, just to spend time together. And my daughter is 12 and we are great friends. So far she doesn’t seem to have noticed it’s not cool to like your parents, but I’ve never hidden the fact that I really like her and she’s one of my favourite people to hang out with! The three of us are off on one of our regular girls’ holiday on Monday 🙂
Love this! ~ Jeremy
What a lovely article. My children are still young, so I’m not at that place yet, but I totally hear what you are saying and loved the example about your own relationship with your parents. But most of all I just appreciated the seemingly out-of-the-norm example of having a healthy relationship with your teen. Thank you so much for such provocative insight– years before I arrive. I appreciate knowing this model exists!
Much love!
Aimée
I’ve read studies about parent-child relationships in other parts of the world. Particularly in what’s termed “developing” nations there’s little to no talk about defiant, lazy, or law breaking teenagers. Teens are, as they have been throughout history, necessary to their families and communities rather than extra large children as they’re treated here.
Here’s how homeschooling teens has worked for us. http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/05/24/successful-teen-homeschooling-two-vital-factors/
Sharing your post on the Free Range Learning Community facebook page!
Thank you for this article! We are still in toddler stages but this is definitely where I want us to head, in fact it’s what we are teaching and trying to do already. I believe that whether you have an infant, toddler, preteen or teen respect should always be a main focus of parenting.
We have a fantastic relationship with my husbands parents but a much more disappointing one with mineand I fully believe that has so much to do with how they treated me as a child and even now as an adult. So I am very determined not parent in the same way.
Keep up the great work with your children and never worry about what others think, they don’t live with you in a day to day basis. Only you can understand the dynamics of your family and the right relationship for you guys.
Thank you for this post. I have been guilty in the past of offering (no doubt unwanted) parenting advice to others, based on my own intuition. I was widowed unexpectedly in 2005, and left to raise two young boys on my own. As I certainly don’t have any strong maternal feelings, I often make mistakes. But I simply accept that I am who I am.
Those boys are now 14 and 16 and I am so thankful for the fact that they are fundamentally kind and thoughtful creatures (my older boy thinks of himself as a man, not a boy, whereas my 14 year old is very much a boy). Yes, sometimes we don’t get on, because I appreciate that there are frustrations in their lives. That’s when they might ‘blow off steam’ in my direction. But that’s ok – at heart, they are fundamentally good people, and I often receive praise from teachers and other parents about them.
Funnily enough, both my boys have become closer to me as teenagers than they were when they were younger and learning to cope with being fatherless (death as opposed to divorce is very final).
I too am lucky to have had loving, non-interventionist parents who were together until parted by death; and I am a nonconformist by nature in terms of doing what I feel is right as a parent, not what others tell me I should do.
As you say, respect is the key.
agree with you completely! i am always trying to advocate for teens and stamp out those negative messages whenever possible. loved reading this and i will share widely! <3
Thank you for posting this!!! I love my teen so much, she is a joy to be around! We have so much fun together and I am so proud of her! 🙂
Great article, and it definitely reflects the relationship we have with our 16 year old daughter. We have lots of wonderful discussions, about how our relationship will continue to evolve and change as she transitions to independent adulthood. I love having a teenager. I love sharing jokes and music and goofy old movies with her and listening to her ideas and plans. I think because we have always listened to her and respected her feelings, she is willing to listen to our concerns and ideas as well. She’s sweet, smart, hard-working, funny, talented, and a blast to have around. I will miss her when she leaves for college, but the loss is tempered by excitement for her journey and hearing what she will decide to do and challenges she will take on. Teenagers are a blast, still silly kids sometimes and deep thinking adults the next. Enjoy them!
Thank you for writing your version of the article I want to write. I just posted it on facebook, with the following intro:
“I want to write my own version of this someday, but for now, here you go–this article is great. smile emoticon
I love, love love parenting my teens. I love all the teens in my life. I love hanging out with them; being around them (not the same thing); listening to their music; feeding them; treating them; giving them rides; spoiling them; being playfully dissed by them; appreciating their ideas, wit, sexuality, inspirations; sharing their successes & chagrins.
I love the gift I’ve had these teen years, to grow & integrate my own life creations & resistances, so I can continue to be more present and connected to everyone I know.
“Want respect from your teen? Start by giving it.”
Don’t post about them on Facebook without their *express* permission, whether to praise them or talk about your difficulties with them. Don’t write comments like ‘clear the roads!’ which are cliched and vaguely demeaning and just kinda dorky when someone gets their license. Don’t write ‘watch out’ because someone’s daughter is beautiful. Basically, don’t do anything which, if you consider it, might remotely smite their dignity or just be awkward.
^Recommendations my teens have given over the years based on their own observations…
Don’t automatically say or imply to a parent of teenagers that you’re sorry or terrified for them. This is a universal thing that I almost feel embarrassed to have to constantly contradict. I sometimes feel almost disingenuous, almost apologetic, to have to reply that my teens are truly awesome human beings who are some of my best friends and who I adore.
My favorite quote lately:
Children have never been good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. –James Arthur Baldwin
So most of all – you want a good relationship with your teens, work on yourself. Win-win. The Avatar materials have always been my go-to. Find whatever really works.
To any teenagers I know who might be left on Facebook and actually see this, haha: xoxoxo <3"
Soak it up! Thanks again.
I agree with much of this but do disagree with the clothing part, because I just find it absolutely inappropriate in this era where girls, from truly little girls, to tweens, to teens are way over-sexualized and if you think letting them dress however they like (learned from ridiculous examples in the media) such as those trashy booty-shorts that basically just panties, and actually expose the bottoms of butt cheeks well, nope, we wouldn’t allow that attire. Wait til you’ve moved out of our house then wear what you like, but not while you’re living under our roof (or visiting us for that matter). If your daughter dresses like a hooker from 42nd street, it’s rather extreme to allow that. Boys don’t wear such trampy outfits. If your adult neighbor walked into your house in tiny halter top and booty shorts showing her buns and wanted to have coffee with you and your husband, would YOU feel comfortable with her attire? Most people wouldn’t. Because it’s inappropriate.
Simply one of the best things I’ve ever read. This is how I aspire to be with my two girls, 13 and 9 1/2. Your family sounds absolutely lovely. <3
I enjoyed your article, thank you. It reminded me of the time we were contacted by the press interested in our “travelling long-term with teenagers in a campervan” trip. There was a section in the article about how we must be crazy to enjoy spending so much time with our kids, needing psychologists, most people can’t wait to get them back to school after the holidays…. I know papers need to sell and they spice things up a bit, but you’re so right about being publicly viewed as odd if you want to spend time with these great people you’ve had the pleasure to have grow up in your house.