“Why can’t girls walk around without their shirts on?” asks my indignant 11 yr old (Lolie) today on our way back from school.
I get it: the culture I was brought up in – one of shame in regards to nakedness – taught me that it’s normal for boys to go shirtless, and wrong for girls to do the same. It’s hard for me not to see it that way, because I grew up with it as a cold and hard truth about men and women.
But now that Jessica and I have chosen a different approach for our own children, one where we are teaching them that boys and girls are equal in worth and rights, and one where the human body is beautiful and nothing to be ashamed of, I have to face Lolie’s simple logic: it’s simply not fair for girls not to have the same shirtless rights as boys.
I am aware that there are a couple of States that allow it and that there are one or two women a year that make the news by shocking our sensibilities as they live out that right. I’m not asking anyone to start a shirtless revolution. Even though I would love to be in a culture that lives out their equality of the sexes even as it comes down to clothing, I recognize that I would be way more comfortable with a law that requires everyone to wear a shirt than the alternative. This for two reasons: I am not comfortable going around shirtless, and I am conditioned to see breasts as sexual and so would have to adjust my thinking – my very neural wiring. Both of which are adjustable, in my opinion, by the way.
But my 11 yr old doesn’t have these hang ups. She would like to be able to go around shirtless when it gets hot outside, and is struggling against the reality that our culture has a double standard for women and men when it comes to not wearing a shirt in public.
And I have to agree with her logic.
And if I’m honest, if I truly want equality between the sexes and for my children to be free of the shame associated with nakedness, then I guess I too want for women to have the same comforts as men and be able to go around topless without shame, or fear of being reported for indecent exposure. I even believe that I could change myself in the process. Maybe I won’t ever be comfortable going topless in public, but I am sure that I could learn to stop thinking about sex every time I see a naked breast, and by the same token stop thinking that women were taking their shirts off for my personal enjoyment.
“Why can’t girls walk around without their shirts on?”
If we’re willing to go beyond the easy, stock answers parents have used since the first parents had children, or at least since parents started using words with their children instead of conking their heads as an answer, stock answers like “because that’s just the way it is” – if we’re daring enough to give a thoughtful answer to a thoughtful or curious question, we may learn a few things from our children about the world, and even about ourselves.
What do you think? Shirts for everyone, equal topless rights, or keep the double-standard? And why?
~ Jeremy
Thank you Jeremy for your thoughts. I believe, and think I am backed by scientific and Biblical findings that men and women are ‘wired’ differently and exposing a woman’s body (in all its beauty) is difficult for men to remain pure in their thinking. Thankfully, we have the book of Genesis in the Bible that explains that GOD was the first to clothe Adam and Eve after the fall. God knew that it was now necessary because of the sinful nature men and women now had. Big subject!
Actually, I’m doing some digging and have asked a librarian friend at Yale to help with this, but the “science” that supports men as more visually stimulated is questionable at best. Quoting an article: “While most research does show that men are more visually stimulated than women, the interpretation of this data is much more complicated than it seems. One 2008 study, for example, emphasizes that sociological factors play a strong role in men’s visual stimulation. Men are taught from an early age to emphasize physical appearance, and the same study found that men tend to be more aroused by contexts in which they can objectify another person—a tendency that is probably learned.”
(more here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-lies-men-myths-0217137)
A quick look at different cultures would certainly call into question that “wiring” anyway. There are plenty of men around the world able to control their thinking when topless women are around them. As for the Biblical perspective, one that was within a very specific framework and context that promoted owning women as property in the first place, I have spent a lot of time on understanding the what is considered modesty and covering a woman’s chest is never mentioned. In fact, modesty in Scripture is used as an attitude of the heart rather than a set of dressing requirements. Genesis doesn’t specify what was clothed on their bodies nor that women needed to be more covered than men.
I agree, it is a big subject and one with lots of baggage. Ultimately, if men and women are to be truly equal (which we happen to believe God made them equal) then double standards have no place in our society. It doesn’t matter if men are “wired” to be more visually stimulated (and personally, though it’s strange to say this to my own mother-in-law, I’m significantly more visually stimulated than Jeremy, something he and I have been aware of before we were married), each individual is responsible for their own thoughts, for their own response to stimulation. We are all wired to experience hunger and want to eat so when we see good food we are “stimulated” but that doesn’t mean we can just steal it and gorge ourselves. Our natural wiring has nothing to do with our response and our responsibility to have self-control and respect for others.
Thanks for commenting Linda! ~Jessica
I have recently been very intrigued by this topic. Having a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old girl, I have been questioning modesty and clothing choices. I often let our little girl run around without a shirt on with no issue. It wasnt until a babysitter the other day said something to her about needing to put a shirt on that I even realized that her not wearing a shirt might be weird to some. I had the same thoughts about cultures, as I know there are many tribes and cultures where women go topless without sexual intent. I did some research on the biblical definition of clothing in Genesis and found that Adam and Eve made “girdle” or essentially belts out of the fig leaves, but the Hebrew word used when God “covered” them was equivalent with the English word shirt. Maybe it should be shirts for all 🙂 I’m not sure….but I still have no problem with either of my children walking around topless…maybe sometimes “my belly just hot” (said in a cute 2 year old voice 🙂
My 5 year old son brought this up just 2 days ago as I was looking for my bathing suit top. It may have been spurred by his impatience to get to the pool, but as I was rummaging thru dressers he asked, “Mommy, why can’t you just go swimming without a top?”
I really didn’t have a good answer for him, as I agree that ‘what is good for the goose, is good for the gander’. I looked at him and said, “I don’t really know. That is just how things are right now.” My sweet little boy said, with conviction, “It just isn’t fair, and I’m going to do something about it when I get big!!!”
My heart burst, and I gave him a big hug.
I hope you do, baby duck. I hope you do!!