There seems to be a bit of confusion about this among people I have known in recent years. More than I thought possible, considering how obvious the answer to the above question is to me. I am struggling, once again, with trust issues regarding men (which could be a whole blog post unto itself, if not an autobiography), and this time it’s because there really seems to be some confusion as to where that line is, that establishes when it’s ok to be physically violent with people they love. Their wife. Their kids. And I know that this isn’t just an issue with men, but I also know that something like 97% of rapes are perpetrated by men, so addressing men seems like a fair place to start.
I give you Merriam Webster’s definitions of “Abuse” and “Rape” just in case misuse of the words, or secondary uses of the words, have clouded our understanding of them:
It seems obvious to me, but let me ask this one more time: At what point is it ok to abuse or rape your spouse? When is it acceptable to abuse or rape the people you claim to love?
Or anyone, really?
To turn it around, I wish I could convince men to ask of themselves: when would it be acceptable for someone to abuse or rape me?
The answer should be obvious.
And so should the behavior. It should reflect that obvious answer.
PS: No one deserves to be abused or raped. No matter what the reason. If someone is violent with you, hits you, slaps you, pulls your hair, kicks you, forces themselves on you, or otherwise does things to your body against your will or against your desires, they are abusing you. They need help and you can’t help them. You don’t deserve it. You deserve better. Please don’t just put up with it for the sake of your marriage, your relationship, your kids, or any other reason. You deserve better.
Jeremy Martin-Weber is the proud father of 6 inspiring girls, and is 19 years into a love story with his partner, Jessica Martin-Weber.