My Evolving Definition of Sexy

By Jeremy Martin-Weber
My wife, Jessica Martin-Weber, with our daughter, nicknamed Lucky, 4 months old.

I find this woman… sexy.

I know sexy is totally in the eye of the beholder, you don’t have to find her sexy, that’s ok, I do.

Mostly though, I’m in love with her. So much of society’s messaging is that men are controlled by their sexual urges and only see skin deep. Men are so much more.

My feelings for my partner aren’t just that either. It all comes together.

I still have sexual desires and enjoy visual stimulation -they’re just not all that I am.


21 yrs together and 7 children later and I’m still in love with this woman and yes, I still find her incredibly sexy. Her body has changed – so has mine – and though I’ve heard that supposedly having babies ruins women’s bodies, I find her hot and I love her body. I celebrate the changes of her body, both those that came from carrying, birthing, and feeding our babies*, as well as those changes brought by time and life. How could I not celebrate her stretch marks, her wider hips, her softer breasts, her rounder belly, wider rib cage, her laugh lines, and silver hairs? All of them are testimony to the family and laughs we’ve shared together and continue to share. She was hot and sexy when we first got together and she’s hot and sexy now, 21 years and 7 children later.

*(I know, pregnancy changes boobs, not breastfeeding but frankly, her nipples have changed with breastfeeding and I’m totally cool with that.)

We’ve struggled, we’ve lost, we’ve overcome, we’ve learned, we’ve evolved, and I expect that this life of adaptation is far from over. We’ve learned that we can be many things beyond man and woman, husband and wife, 20 yr olds and 30 yr olds. And we both know now from personal experience that attraction is highly adaptable too. Her mothering our children hasn’t dampened my attraction to her. Birthing them and breastfeeding them has not lessened how sexy I find her.

I found her sexy before we had children, I find her sexy now with children, and so I fully expect that I’ll find her sexy once it’s back to just the two of us again – with or without a number of grandchildren.

I love her and admire her and am turned on by her based on how she is now, not because she has been able to maintain or “get back” to some past version of herself. And no, I don’t share her with our babies. Her body is not mine to share – it is hers and she gets to decide who she shares it with. I am not in competition with our babies.




Jeremy Martin-Weber is the proud father of 7 inspiring girls, and is 21 years into a love story with his partner, Jessica Martin-Weber.

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