practical boundaries

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Laurie says:

April 9, 2013 at 7:37 am

Yay! Love you guys 🙂

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Alyssa says:

April 9, 2013 at 12:36 pm

I am so happy that you have started this blog! I don’t breastfeed, but I find you and your family to be so inspiring that I’ve been following your facebook pages just to keep in the loop about what you’re up to! Thank you for bravely sharing your life so others may be encouraged and educated 🙂

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  April 9, 2013 at 5:20 pm
  
  Thank you! I’m not sure we’re going to offer much education but we’re going to share our experiences and hey, maybe we can all open up and through dialogue find community and learn something together. ~Jessica
  
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Serena says:

April 9, 2013 at 10:33 pm

That is a good question, hmmm, I had never thought about that before. I think maybe 25 but maybe there is a window that seems more appropriate, like 22-25. Maybe by my birthday I will have decided which number is mine 😉

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  April 10, 2013 at 7:51 am
  
  With all the optimism and positivity you have Serena, I would guess you are still very young inside. ~Jessica
  
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Melissa hurst says:

April 10, 2013 at 1:06 am

Ya know most people tell me I’m an old soul a 60 year old trapped in a 26 year olds body but I don’t necessarily think that’s true I mean I guess I could seem like that sometimes I take the role of homemaker very seriously I love to cook and clean and I believe that it is my place in life to stay home and take care of my kids and my hubby because that’s what works for us and what makes me happy I am extremely responsible when it comes to finances and I have OCD so it’s hard for me to just go with the flow but at the same time I don’t feel old I mean I may be old fashioned in some of my beliefs but that doesn’t make me old right?! My kids make me feel young seeing the world through their eyes makes me feel young running and playing with them makes me feel young I mean some days I feel like I’m 5 all over again lol but I guess if I had to pick a number I would say I feel 26 I mean I am still young enough a heart that I can enjoy things with my kids but old enough to be responsible I guess I feel just like I should for my age 🙂

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Sarah L. says:

April 19, 2013 at 12:29 pm

I love this post! I LOVE CAKE! I come from a family with 7 children so I can totally relate. We also got to choose our cake (as well as what we’d eat for dinner) on our birthday, although most of the time we weren’t as creative as your family is!! Love the last picture…I’m sure it was still delicious!

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  April 19, 2013 at 10:12 pm
  
  Thanks Sarah! That last cake was really good. Even when a cake flops, it’s still usually delicious to eat. And we also pick our own meals for our birthdays around here. We are completely over the top and the kids select a menu for all 3 meals of the day, but we do get some say, otherwise it could easily turn into sweets all day. We do insist on there being actual meals selected and not just different forms of sugar! I guess homeschooling does have its perks. This would have never worked with me as a kid, since I went to public school. ~ Jeremy
  
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Tanya says:

April 19, 2013 at 1:16 pm

Jeremy-I love how u take such an active role in making individual family members feel important and special. In my experiences in life, that is almost always totally taken on by a mother. Reading your posts/blogs often bring tears to my eyes.

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  April 19, 2013 at 10:24 pm
  
  Thank you, Tanya. I am not content to just fit the societal mould presented as normal for men. And Jessica feels the same way about the expectations for women. We are both dedicated to this path of living this beautiful life more and more as ourselves, conforming to status quo only where it fits with who we are, what we believe, and what we stand for (or against). We are far from perfect, but we keep growing. : ) As it took both of us to produce these marvelous children, I believe they will continue to need both of us involved in their lives, believing in who they are and who they are becoming, and being there for them. One of questions that I ask myself fairly often in relation to my kids is: what is the primary thing that I am communicating to them, through my words and my actions? My hope is that it is love, and if this is truly my goal, it should color and guide all of my interactions with them. ~ Jeremy
  
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Ashley Lopez says:

April 19, 2013 at 1:22 pm

Love you new blog Jeremy and Jessica! Love hearing about your family:). Happy Birthday Sugarbaby!

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  April 19, 2013 at 10:25 pm
  
  Thank you, Ashley! ~ Jeremy
  
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Julia Miller says:

April 19, 2013 at 2:00 pm

Hehe, I like the goopy drip cake the most. It looks just messy enough to be guarenteed delicious.

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  April 19, 2013 at 10:27 pm
  
  It was such a mess! I tried to cram a process that was supposed to take 12 hours or into 2-3 hours. The main issue was that refrigeration was supposed to help it firm up and hold up. I guess that was really important… : ) It was Smunchie’s “Pink Cake” and it was delicious! ~ Jeremy
  
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Serena says:

April 23, 2013 at 5:37 pm

*mouth watering*

I can’t believe she is one!

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Abi says:

April 24, 2013 at 12:14 pm

I have a 2yr old 50lb English Springer Spaniel. She is a gem. My baby is 8 months old and Clover is her buddy. She lies by her nursery door while Sydney sleeps. She brings her dog toys when we get home. She licks her gently. I grew up with dogs and think its a great thing for kids to learn to love animals and have a buddy and a protector too.

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Tsyhanochka says:

April 24, 2013 at 12:19 pm

We have a little 3yo 8lbs poodle mix that we can’t wait to introduce our new baby to in July. We’re pretty sure she’ll be a protective big fur sister to her little human sibling. She’s nothing but love and affection. We both had dogs in our lives growing up so we’re really excited to expand our family and grow the love and kisses.

Now if only we make a system to keep their toys separate we’ll be in business 🙂

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Kristen says:

April 24, 2013 at 1:04 pm

We just had to put our 12 year old Rat Terrier down. One of the saddest days of my life… my one year old daughter kept looking for him. It was a week before she realized he wasn’t going to be sitting under her high chair or come bounding in to share my lap while she nursed. Still hurts to think about because that dreaded day was only 4 weeks ago. 🙁

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Sara says:

April 24, 2013 at 1:53 pm

What a wonderful way for her to come into your lives. I always grew up with animals around and now in my own home we are at 3 dogs 1 cat and one nearly seven month old baby, we are crazy. If I could do it over we’d have kept it to just a couple until our human family was complete as a couple of our animals have special needs. It’s a lot of hard work but our daughter already loves them and while we won’t be adding any more to the family for years, we are trying to give everyone the attention they need as things are. Your pooch is lucky to have so many children around to love on her.

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Aileen says:

April 24, 2013 at 3:26 pm

Who makes your cake ? I am hoping all 7 fabulous ladies in your house. Lovely family. We are a family of 8 too but made up of 4 boys and two girls plus mum and dad x always so much to be thankful for x

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  April 24, 2013 at 10:10 pm
  
  Hi Aileen, great question! We take turns, sometimes it’s a group effort, others just one of us takes it on. We all love it though, even though he’s better at baking, it’s an honor to make his cake. ~ Jessica
  
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Victoria says:

April 24, 2013 at 3:41 pm

I’ve had cats all my life. My parents had a cat when I was born, although she passed away before I was 1. When I was 3, we adopted a 3-year-old cat (Whiskers), who lived to be 16. During that 13-year span, we had 2 other cats. 4 years after we adopted Whiskers, we adopted Gretel, and in 2000, a neighbor found Rascal.

In the fall of ’02, Whiskers, Gretel, and Rascal all died within a few weeks of each other (Whiskers from old age/kidney failure, and Gretel and Rascal from coyote attacks.) We then moved into a new house, which sort of came with an outdoor cat, who we managed to coax inside and named Cleo. In the summer of ’03, we got Calvin from a friend, and in the fall of ’03, we found Gianni.

After I graduated high school in ’04, I moved to California, and went a year without having a cat, and I felt unsettled the entire time. In ’05, I adopted Pixie, and brought her back to Texas with me in ’08.

Gianni sadly died last month, but we still have Calvin and Pixie. We may get another cat at some point, but Calvin and Pixie generally don’t get along with other cats, so we’ll see.

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Kirstie says:

April 24, 2013 at 4:06 pm

We don’t at the moment unfortunately. I grew up with dogs and would love one, but at the moment I work full time away from home so it wouldn’t be fair. We also don’t have much of a yard. I would love my kids to have a pet to grow with, and I also appreciate how pets can help children learn about the cycle of life and death.

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Tina says:

April 25, 2013 at 7:40 am

I’ve been following Jessica’s “leaky boob” on facebook for some time and I have to say that I really admire your family and just how close knit you all seem to be. I have 4 children of my own (13, 10, 6, and the baby is just days away from 2) and I can relate to the chaos and the love and the busy-ness that having a big family brings. There is never a dull moment in our home. Thank you for opening up the door to your day to day lives and sharing it with the rest of the world. I especially enjoyed the pictures of your cakes. Funny thing is that I am the baker, the photographer, the everything while my husband works, I stay at home taking care of the house, the children. Everything. I enjoy baking, especially in recent months, I have been surprising my family with little treats here and there and I also am moving away from heavily processed, genetically modified-bad-for-you foods. I’d personally love to hear more about how you color your foods naturally. Maybe you could share more about this. Time permitting, of course with your busy family life. God bless you and your family.

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Serena says:

April 25, 2013 at 10:36 pm

Worth every delayed minute <3

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Kellie says:

April 27, 2013 at 10:33 pm

I think it’s an awesome and not far-fetched idea! I know for myself sometimes I get too overwhelmed with all the things I want to change about me, my family, the world but when you just commit yourself to one change for good, it becomes more manageable and ultimately opens up the path to further change and transformation.

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Heather D Easton says:

April 30, 2013 at 2:54 pm

Are Everyday Rebel, and the kid’s blogs still open? Or is this a replacement, or sorts?

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Melissa says:

May 1, 2013 at 11:05 am

These are great ideas! Not just for screen free week but any time! Great boredom busters for anytime! 🙂

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Liz says:

May 3, 2013 at 10:49 am

This is really lovely. You can certainly dance with words!

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lauren lisembee says:

May 4, 2013 at 12:54 am

I like the idea of choosing 1….because it can be so overwhelming when you start the awareness process! My husband and I decided to start buying only fair trade coffee this year and stopped shopping at Express. Thank you for sharing! The Movement of One may be coming!

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Aileen says:

May 6, 2013 at 4:30 pm

We do this too x 🙂 with 6 children important to have adult time.

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Emma says:

May 7, 2013 at 10:41 pm

Before I had my son I felt entirely justified judging parents who had failed in one small way or another. In the nearly two years since his birth I have become far more humble and forgiving of others. I realize any judgement I would pass on them can’t compare to what they’re struggling with on their own. It’s hard. And it’s easy to blink and miss something that could be small or could be catastrophic. I’m glad everyone is okay.

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1. Mother says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 8:51 am
  
  Yes, she is beautiful and we are all so thankful that she is still just fine. Thank you for sharing, Jeremy. I know it has already been helpful to many. I can remember so well how ashamed and embarrassed I was when I made mistakes raising you kids. So afraid to admit to anyone for fear of judgement. Keep writing, my son.
  
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  1. krista says:
    
    May 9, 2013 at 10:28 am
    
    You have raised a good honest man. It takes alot of courage to share a story like this, i give him tons of respect, as well as to you, he was raised by one great mother.
    
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2. Jennifer says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 9:15 am
  
  Thank you for sharing!
  
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3. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 9:58 pm
  
  Me too, Emma. And it sounds like we’ve gone through the same kind of change (growth?). From judgment to compassion. I’m impressed that you got there after having just one child! It seems to me that most first-time parents believe they know everything about parenting and don’t understand how others find it to be so hard. I certainly did! : )
  ~ Jeremy
  
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Jamie says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:02 am

I accidentally locked my keys in the car, whilst running with her strapped in her seat, my cell also safely locked inside. My husband was 40 minutes away but a neighbor let me use her phone to call him. By the time I was prepared to break a window, she was sleeping (had planned the road trip around nap time) and she was still sleeping soundly when he pulled in the drive. She was a bit sweaty but thankfully cool morning air was still surrounding us, and I’m glad that I didn’t break a window ad scare her.

Lesson fully learned on my part, and like you, i’m glad I and my child escaped it unharmed.

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Nicole says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:13 am

For women, ALWAYS put your purse in the back seat with your baby/child. That way when you get out of the car and go to grab your purse (something we ladies rarely forget!), you will have to go in the back of the car to get it.

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1. Syreeta says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 5:26 pm
  
  I always place something important that I will need to go for in the back because we all hear the summer Horror stories and I would rather not be part of a tragedy.
  
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Cathy Brashler says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:15 am

Before having kids I was completely unaware of the huge amount of mental and physical energy that a child requires. I am still amazed at how much I manage to forget or overlook and I only have one child. I can’t imagine what happens when you add more kids to the mix. I also was judgmental of these situations when I didn’t know better. But now, when I hear about tragedy happening like this I just feel heartache for everyone involved. We don’t need to set up a firing squad for those parents because they are already there. How does a parent ever overcome something like that?

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Mama Mo says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:15 am

How incredibly brave of you to share this here. And important. Thank you.

I’m so glad SugarBaby is ok, and I hope that in time you will be, too.

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Emily Oleson says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:16 am

Even thought I had chills the entire time I was reading, I thank you for your honesty!! Not many people would openly admit something like this, but it’s something that happens more often then we think!

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Katy W. says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:19 am

I have been in this position before…thinking I would NEVER do something so silly. One time when my first was 4 months old I put his carseat in the back seat of my car…but didn’t strap it down. I turned a corner sharply and unbenownst to me his entire carseat fell onto the floorboard..upside down. He was literally hanging upside down on the floor of the backseat and I didn’t notice for I have no idea how long…5 minutes maybe? The feeling when you look into the rearview mirror and don’t see your child’s carseat in the car is unimaginable. So, I totally understand.

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1. Rachel says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 12:41 pm
  
  I did that to my cousin when i was 11. My mom hit the brakes and his seat flew off the chair, at least he was buckled in the seat. I felt so bad. The closest call with my own kids, my mother in law accidentally unbuckled my daughter’s seat, i noticed when the seat started slipping.
  
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2. Momma powell says:
  
  May 9, 2013 at 9:10 am
  
  I have done this before regrettably. I was in a hurry and forgot my husban had taken the base out. So naturally I was used to putting my son in his carseat ten placing it in the vase that was already strapped down. So in put him in the car and went about my drive. Had to swerve and turn hard and when I got to where I was headed I went to get him out and he was in the opposite floor hanging surprisingly sound asleep. I thought I was perfect but that small mistake gave me a reality check!
  
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3. The mom that didn't check the belt says:
  
  May 11, 2013 at 11:02 am
  
  I have also done something like this. I had a three year old and a one year old at the time. I put their car seats in the same row so that they could “talk” to each other whenever we were out driving. I was taking the one year old to the grocery store with me when I took a corner and heard THUMP and then his cry. I had to squash my panic because it seemed to take an eternity to go half a block to a street where I could pull over (I was on a very busy street) and I found him not totally upside down, but his seat had fallen off of the bench (main belt had been undone by the toddler at some point) and he had landed with his head squashed into the sliding door. That feeling of terror, not knowing if he was alright until I righted the seat, that feeling of failure, thinking HOW COULD I HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN??, that feeling of dread thinking I was the worst parent in the world… I think we’ve all had a moment. And it is heart shattering. Thankfully he was fine, but I find myself pulling every belt I can find anytime we’re getting ready to take off. Thank you to all of you for sharing; there’s something in knowing that we’re not alone in our imperfections, and hearing what others do to make things safer for the children helps me to realize I don’t have to put my boys in bubbles to keep them safe.
  
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Caroline says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:22 am

I completely understand this. I have thought the same thing, that I would never forget my baby in the car, how could those parents do such a thing?

But i am also a person who gets thrown by changes in the routine. The only way I remember everything is when I do everything in the same order each day. Without that I forget all kinds of impt things and the baby could be one of them! I thank God my baby is almost 2 now and would put up a fuss if I started to leave her accidentally!

However I did make a mistake once. I put her in her carseat, drove across the street for another errand, parked. Then looked back and realized I FORGOT TO STRAP HER IN. How does that happen? I’d done it every day of her life for 18 months! I think it was that mid way through strapping her she asked for her sippy and I handed it to her, then moved to the front seat without finishing. I thank God I only drove across the street and she did not fall out and we didn’t get in an accident. I have tried to be extra careful since then. Now she is 21 months and I am still the only Mommy who trails my kid on the playground, gets on the playsets with her, never sits on the bench to let her play alone. I am sure people are calling me a helicopter parent but I am so determined not to lose her from something like a fall from a playset. I protect her as much as it’s within my power to do so but I can’t protect her from everything.

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1. Joyce says:
  
  May 11, 2013 at 10:17 am
  
  I too have a 2 year old and when she was 14 months old I forgot to buckle her in her car seat. I handed her her sippy and her teddy and during doing that I guess I thought I already straped her in but when I got where I was going I noticed her buckle wasn’t done up. I’m so happy and grateful that I didn’t get into a wreck. Now to this day I double check her buckle to make sure.
  
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Sara says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:22 am

Thank you for such an honest and heartfelt post. I, too, have found myself on both sides of the firing line. I left my son for *just a second* and he rolled off the changing table. Thank goodness he was fine, but it made me come to the same conclusions as you. I shouldn’t judge other parents for mistakes I can easily make myself, especially when I’ve made those mistakes.

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1. e - SKii says:
  
  May 9, 2013 at 3:44 pm
  
  When my 2nd daughter (drama princess #2) was approximately 2 months old I was changing her on the changing table when my oldest (drama princess #1) got into what I’ve dubbed in my home “drama” and let out a scream and then a laugh. I was confused and horrified and hoping to join in on the laughter ratherr than make a 911 call so I knew I had to check up on her. I buckled my youngest into the changing pad and went to walk to the beginning of the room by the door quickly enough to steal a peek and check on drama princess #1 😉 It took about – I don’t know, maybe 10 seconds..15 would be pushing it..I check – phewwww all was well and as soon as I turn around I see drama princess #2 hanging by her leg dangling off the changing table (THANKGOD for that buckle the changing pad came with) I don’t think I’ve ever eaten my heart before that moment. It absolutely smacked me upside my head, , shook me and grounded me. As everyone says – it takes one second. It really does. But we live and learn and thankfully my unintentional neglect didn’t harm or scar my children – some people aren’t so lucky…some don’t care. Point is – drama happens 🙂 don’t beat yourself up – it wasn’t meant for you to. Consider it like a little nudge from God when you’re sleeping in a college class lesson.
  
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MW says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:25 am

We have friends whose child died due to this. Horrible accident and was because there were many nontypical events that happened that day/week. They are wonderful parents and were deeply affected emotionally by this. There is a wonderful organization they work with now to prevent these accidents (and other vehicular related child deaths) from happening, http://www.kidsandcars.org. There are several things they suggest such as putting your purse (or some other thing you won’t leave the car without) in the back seat next to the car seat. Also keeping a stuffed animal in the carseat when its not in use and putting it in the front seat when it is in use. This is a great nonprofit organization that I’m sure would love it if you could get their name out if you so desire. I’m not associate with them and only know about it through my friend’s horrible accident.

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Anna P says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:28 am

This is SO true. I haven’t left a child in the car, but I accidentally left my 6wk old unstrapped in his car seat. I had him in the carseat/stroller and had taken him out to change a diaper. I placed him back in the carseat and didn’t strap him in because we were on a walk. It was a chilly day so I had a blanket over his body…. after the walk I just plopped the carseat back in the car and we drove home. I was HORRIFIED when I went to take him out of the carseat and realized I had never re strapped him in. Now I ALWAYS double check!

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1. Lisa says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 10:34 am
  
  Anna P I did this too once with my oldest. I didn’t stop crying when I realized it. If I had been in a car accident, I would have never forgiven myself. I triple check now. and I always make sure they are tied in the car seat, even when he’s not going in the car.
  We have so much on our mind and so many hormones going through us when we have a new baby. Luckily no one was hurt.
  
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2. Rebecca says:
  
  July 31, 2013 at 9:37 am
  
  Anna P- my husband has done this once with each of our kids. Both times, I was the one to discover it when he came home and I went to get the baby out of the seat, and both times it was because it was winter, and he covered them with a blanket. He felt HORRIBLE both times, and I made it worse by yelling at him. And then I almost did it, and realized how easy it was to make that mistake! My 4 year old was yelling about something, and we were running late, and I got halfway down the driveway before my daughter yelled, “You didn’t strap the baby in!!” I got lucky, because she was there, and I will never attack my husband for moments of inattention again. Now I do a car seat check before I start the car.
  
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Meegs says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:36 am

This is one of my nightmares. We are all human, we are all fallible. I don’t judge you, but I do want to hug you!

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Meredith says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:42 am

Thank you for being brave enought to share your story with us. I, too, am one of those people who harshly judged parents who left their kid(s) in the car and they ended up on the news. Unfortunately the only picture the media paints is a negative one. You never hear it from the Mom or Dad’s perspective, just the facts about what happened. It’s so easy to get distracted and forget things as a parent, and somtimes it feels like you don’t have it all together some days. Anyway- I’m glad your baby is fine and that no harm was done!

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Amy says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:43 am

This reminds me of when I almost left my baby at Meijer. She was in a separate car since she was still in a bucket seat and I always put it in the large part of the cart. My older son was pushing the cart. I went through check out and walked away thinking he was pushing it still when a man was yelled for me to come back. I was so embarrassed and ashamed at what happened! My two girls are now always in the same cart and my son holds on.

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Amanda says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:44 am

I was also on that side until I did the same thing. I put the baby in the truck and rushed my daughter up to dance class because we were running late. I jumped out and rushed her in and was standing at the desk for about 10 minutes before I realized that I’d left the baby in the truck. It was also a cool day, so lucky me, but he WAS crying. 🙁 I don’t know for how long, but long enough to be red faced and really mad. My poor boy. I felt like a horrible horrible parent and still do. I’m definitely more attentive now.

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Savanna says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:47 am

My heart ached for you while I read this. I’m so glad that everyone is okay.

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jennifer says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:48 am

After 3 children and thinking we were done, my husband and I had a sweet surprise when our youngest was 7. She is actually known at our house as “Sugarbaby”!! Anyway, she was 6weeks old,still in the pumpkin seat and we had a book fair at the school for the older kids. My husband dropped me off, ran a quick errand, and came back. As we were looking at books in the library, he walked in and started chatting with other parents. A few minutes went by and I noticed him there, but no pumpkin seat. I said, ” Where’s Ava?” His response–” OH CRAP!!!” and he took off running. Luckily, it was evening and cool, the van was locked, she was totally zonked and had no idea she had been unattended, and we live in a VERY small town with a very small school so he was actually parked just outside the building. Doesn’t change the fact that he got distracted by the goings on of all of us and FORGOT THE BABY IN THE CAR. She is and was fine and so is he. We just have to be more diligent and try to slow down a little. So….Piano Man, you are not alone, and you are still a great parent!

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Savanna says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:51 am

We have a Boxer and a Shitzu. Odd combination, right?

They adore their pint-sized humans. They handle the love, tackles, non-Mom approved treats, and kisses with style. Their favorite part of the day is when both kids are home and touching them.

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Sarah says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:54 am

My son is 6 months old, and before he came along my family used to joke about my seemingly nonexistant maternal skills. My dog was the only thing I was happy taking care of. Quite frankly, I was always awkward around kids; I wanted them to pretend I wasn’t there and stop asking me constant questions. And I was ‘that girl’ glaring at the mother of the crying baby on the airplane, or turn to the couple behind me with the five year old touching my hair and ask them to please put a stop to it in a not-so-kind voice (actually, I’m probably still that way about the touching..sorry, I can only change so much :)) Truth be told, I hadn’t changed a single diaper in my 25 years until I timidly changed my son for the first time..whew! But its funny, my WHOLE perception changed after I myself became a mother. I now find myself getting angry when there’s no changing table in a public restroom, and don’t think twice about doing EVERYTHING one-handed with a little sidekick attached to me. And that one moment that basically made me panic (in front of my mom, which both comforted and embarrassed me at the same time!) was when my squirmy man in his infant tub kicked the hot water faucet in the sink on full blast, causing him to cry out in terror when the water touched his perfect skin. The ordeal literally lasted two seconds, but it was enough to have me saying “Please forgive me, Mommy Gods, you know I got this! I didn’t mean it!” But, to my and everyone else’s delight, I know being a mom is what I was meant to do. I can’t lie, when it comes to taking care of my son, I’m a badass 🙂 Caring for him (and still my dog) brings me a joy and inner peace that I feel thankful to experience, even if we hit some bumps along the road.

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Carolyn Hastie says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:56 am

Brilliant realisation Jeremy. So good that you have written about your process of enlightenment in such an open, honest, humble way. Many parents will be helped by reading this piece of yours. The truth is that most of us do a good enough job of parenting most of the time AND we are all imperfect. I really like your seat checking routine. That’s such an excellent idea. Thanks again for writing about your experience. warmly, Carolyn

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Lyzzie Lou says:

May 8, 2013 at 9:14 am

Everyone has been there in their own small way. Most of us are very lucky that they are mistakes that are small enough that something terrible doesn’t come out of them. For the unlucky ones, some compassion could go a long way. I think in general we should all have a little more compassion for our fellow parents and human beings in general. We are all going to make mistakes it’s part of being human, how we come out of those mistakes – how we change and evolve is the beauty of being human.

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Neeb Dellort says:

May 8, 2013 at 9:15 am

Your wife is as much to blame as you are because she knew you had the baby with you (as if you could leave the baby at home) and she knows the dangers of leaving children in the car so stop with all the guilt and dont ever let her use this against you.

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 10:03 am
  
  Actually, I did not know he had her with him. Last we had discussed he was dropping her off at home with a care-giver. He changed his mind because when he dropped the other girls off at the house she was asleep and he didn’t want to transfer her. I am more than aware of my potential for making such a dangerous mistake and have made plenty of my own but no, I did not know she was there. I assumed she was asleep at home. I would never in a million years use any guilt against him, how dare you suggest such a thing. Did you even read the post? My response was to love and support him with forgiveness. ~Jessica
  
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  1. Kelley says:
    
    May 8, 2013 at 12:00 pm
    
    Rest assured, Jessica, us non-trolls got no such idea from this post – the idea that you’d somehow guilt your partner about a terrifying incident for all of you – but, instead, we got a very important reminder that we are all human, that we are all fallible, and that we owe it to ourselves and our children to build in failsafes for the times when we can’t afford our human mistakes. A powerful reminder about judgment, too, which is always, always needed.
    
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2. Ellie says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 11:26 am
  
  Neeb Dellort – been trolled. Some people don’t have better things to do all day. Get a life. I mean, efil a teg.
  
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3. Shenelle says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 11:33 am
  
  Who ARE you?!!!
  
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4. jjkaufhold says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 4:06 pm
  
  Neeb, did you even read the post? His wife, Jessica, didn’t place any guilt on him. This could happen to any of us and flinging guilt trips doesn’t help. Anyways, maybe she thought that their oldest daughter was watching the baby or that He had arranged for another caregiver.
  
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5. Glynnis says:
  
  June 23, 2014 at 11:27 am
  
  How sick to troll on such a sensitive subject! Whoever you are, “Neeb Dellort”, you are disgusting!
  
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Melissa says:

May 8, 2013 at 9:17 am

I too did something horrible like this. My son was fine but someone called the police, I was berated and sworn at (by the person who called the police) and DCF was called. 7 minutes he was in the car alone. I had just found out I was pregnant again, my father was having mental issues, I needed to get my older son something to eat. I went in the grocery store and my younger boy, who never sleeps in the car, was left sleeping. I couldnt bring myself to go to the store for months. I was so ashamed, so embarassed and so afraid I would do it again. This post made me cry because it brought back all of the emotions and guilt that I felt that day. This is so important, please always check the back seats, It could be a matter of life and death. Thank you for posting this.

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1. Sarah L says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 8:22 pm
  
  Melissa, ((HUGS)). I’m glad your little one was okay. I hope that the fear and shame fades away and you find peace.
  
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2. Holly says:
  
  May 9, 2013 at 7:50 am
  
  Melissa, that is terrible. I’m so sorry people treated you like that. I understand wanting to blame someone at first, but most people are making a MISTAKE when they leave a kid in the car. We need to remember that. It’s not malicious, it’s a MISTAKE. Once, at our local grocery store, I was browsing the huge selection of canned soups, when my 12 month old stood up in the cart and fell out. I had my back to him and saw him fall just as I was turning around, and I couldn’t catch him in time. It was awful. There was one other woman in the aisle with me, and I was holding my son while he was crying and the woman looked visibly upset, but not at all angry with me. She said, “He’s crying – that’s a good sign.” Whether that had any truth to it, I could tell she was just trying to comfort me, because I’m standing there crying, holding my hurt baby, and it was ALL MY FAULT! I silently thank that woman for not chastising me. If she had judged me, I don’t know what I would have done. I did end up avoiding the grocery store for a few months, just like you did, Melissa. Every time I thought about needing to go I would feel sick to my stomach. 🙁
  
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  1. Rachel says:
    
    July 31, 2014 at 8:49 pm
    
    My son fell out of a shopping cart too but as a toddler. Scared the crap out of me! It only took a second. Luckily he happened to do this perfect summersault & land on his butt/back area not his head! I’m so glad yours turned out ok too even though it is scary and humiliating-none of us are perfect!
    
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Sam says:

May 8, 2013 at 9:22 am

I fully believe that the “I would never do that!” attitude comes from a self-preservation reaction. We tell ourselves that because we ALL understand how small things like this can end so badly and that that would be devastating. We have to tell ourselves that because facing the possibility of losing our children is beyond difficult and I think it is one of those things we feel would be impossible to recover from. So, we tell ourselves it would never happen, because then we don’t have to face the fear.
Just last week, my mil and I had a time where each of us thought the other was watching my 2 yr old, and she wandered off to look for her sister. She was only missing for a few minutes and was found safe, but it shook me. It was too close a call for comfort. It can happen to any of us. But that is a hard reality to face.

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Sarah says:

May 8, 2013 at 9:24 am

Thanks for sharing your story. I think we all need reminding! I’m so glad this had a happy ending.

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Tracy says:

May 8, 2013 at 9:26 am

A powerful piece. True Story!!

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Krista says:

May 8, 2013 at 9:31 am

I’ve worried about something causing me to momentarily get distracted and the chance for that to lead to an accident, the kind you don’t ever recover from. You chose exactly the right word to describe how I would feel – devastated. May others learn from your experience. Far to often we don’t ever want to admit that this could happen to us, mainly because the idea that you could allow a distraction to cost you a child is just too awful to think about. It’s easier to think it could NEVER happen to ME. I’m thankful that your little one is safe and that you are brave enough to put your story out there so that others can see just how quickly it can happen.

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Ribbons Undone says:

May 8, 2013 at 9:39 am

I can thankfully say that I’ve never left my daughter in the car, but I’ve been inattentive in other ways. Last week, I left the bathroom for just a minute or so while she was in the tub. The whole time praying, “Please God don’t let her drown,” only to hear a loud bang and a cry. Rushing back I discovered that she had tried to climb out of the tub, presumably to follow me, and had slipped and fallen face first onto the bathroom tile. Swooping up my naked, wet, crying and panicked child, I began to cry too telling her over and over again, “Mommy is so sorry!” I realized in that moment, that instead of falling out of the tub she could have fallen while in the tub and drowned just that fast. I will never leave her alone in the tub again.

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1. Tara says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 6:07 pm
  
  This is one of my major parenthood paranoia’s. A few months ago I forgot to drain the tub after bathing my little ones, and didn’t realize for several hours that there was just a tub full of water up stairs, waiting for someone to fall into it. Nothing happened, thank goodness, but it really freaked me out that I had been so careless. Every parent makes scary mistakes now and then, but it’s always nice to hear from others that they are not perfect either.
  
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Christie Haskell says:

May 8, 2013 at 9:41 am

Thank you so much for being willing to share this. I stood with the firing squad once a long time ago. While I’ve never forgotten my child in the car, I, a certified tech, someone who suffered a very horrid accident as a teenager that I’ll suffer from forever, HAVE forgotten to buckle in my toddler. Why? A change in routine. A momentary distraction that threw everything off. And of course I thought, “What if he hadn’t yelled and told me? What if we’d gotten in an accident? There would be all those people online saying, ‘What kind of idiot never buckles their child in?’ or ‘They deserved it!’ ” while I say, “But I NEVER forget!”

In addition, the article I think about most, always, whenever people do mention leaving a child in a car, is this one:
Major trigger warning there, but every single parent should read it.

Thanks for sharing your story, Jeremy.

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1. Kelley says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 12:05 pm
  
  I was so grateful when I was driving out of a parking lot, lost in a city in the time before we had a GPS, after pulling over to get something to eat at a grocery store, when my DS (three years old at the time) went, “Mommy, I’m not buckled!” before we were on the road, as soon as he realized that I was driving towards the road. I am so glad that he knows that he is buckled in every. single. time., and knew to tell me that he wasn’t.
  
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Christie Haskell says:

May 8, 2013 at 9:41 am

For some reason it hated my HTML. Here’s the article I referenced: http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2009-03-08/news/36840402_1_courtroom-tissue-class-trip

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Bad Wolf says:

May 8, 2013 at 9:48 am

I am so sorry this happened to you. As the mother of 5, soon to be 6, little ones I can assure you that it really can happen to the best of us. I have been fortunate enough that I haven’t accidentally forgotten one of them in the car (although with the craziness of many little kids it is one of my fears,) but there have been a couple of times with two different babies I have reached my destination only to discover that I only placed the youngest in their carseat but didn’t actually buckle them up amidst the madness of helping all the others buckle their seats. We all make mistakes. Such a good blog post to remind us to have compassion when others mistakes don’t turn out so benignly.

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Anya says:

May 8, 2013 at 10:06 am

So glad your baby girl was okay! Thank you for this post. I was a social worker before getting married and having a baby of my own. It was so easy to look down on the “inadequate” parents we worked with and think how “I would never …” My son is only 7 months old, but already I realize how foolish and hypocritical I was, and how already I owe his life to the grace of God, not my own skill or parenting. Thanks for this reminder to show some grace and look out for other parents to help them, instead of throwing them under a bus.

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Kimberly says:

May 8, 2013 at 10:06 am

thank you for sharing! my 9 month old son fell of the bed on my watch a couple weeks ago, and I felt horrible- and like you, hope that disappointment is the worst we all have to face for our times of inattention. hope you find grace in this moment, and thanks for sharing it with us, if for no other reason than to remind us all as parents that we are not alone in this journey. thanks!

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 10:22 am
  
  Thank you. It’s good to know that I’m not the only parent out there that screws up. Fear and shame keep so many of us from growing together, choosing to clam up instead, to keep our failures to ourselves, and act as if we are perfect. I hope my story helps break the cycle of shame and fear for some parents so we can be free to be ourselves and allow our failures to encourage and inform others; for their sanity, their children’s safety, and more. It’s good to know I’m not alone.
  
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Steena says:

May 8, 2013 at 10:10 am

3 kids later – I’ve come to realize those parents who judge the harshest are the ones who are secretly scared they’ll do the same thing. Life happens. We want to be super parents and think we can do all – but in reality we can’t. All it takes is a moment. A moment where another child needs our attention, a moment when the smoke alarm goes off thanks to bacon grease or when the phone rings or someone knocks on the door or when you’re bending down to the bottom shelf in the grocery store to look at the ingredients and your child takes off…

Most parents should be more understanding and less judgemental. The ones that are – understand. The ones that aren’t – will be when they do it themselves.

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Kbjiara says:

May 8, 2013 at 10:29 am

I feel “less bad” now, about a mont ago I secured my baby in his carseat, passed the belt where is supposed to go… and didn´t lock it. I realized my mistake when I heard a weird “tic tic tic” a couple of blocks away. It worried me that the sound came directly from my baby’s seat, so I looked for a safe place to park and checked… and I almost had a heart attack when I saw the belt unlocked. I couldn’t believe it… I SO understand this guy, and I include myself in the judging table of perfect parents before actually having kids. Thanks a lot for writing this.

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BoogieandPudgesMama says:

May 8, 2013 at 10:45 am

I remember being in the hospital after my daughter was born and watching the local news. There was a story about a young mother with a brand new baby who had mistakenly left her baby in his car seat on top of the car and took off. The baby was fine but the police were called and the mother was raked over the coals. Neighbors were interviewed and given the opportunity to declare their contempt and disgust for the young mother and her actions. The child was seized by CPS pending further investigation.

I was on my third day in the hospital (after a c-section) with a screamingly discontent baby, breasts that wouldn’t work, and a total of about 60 minutes of sleep under belt since my daughter’s birth. While the poor woman in the story was being portrayed as a monster I just kept thinking “It would be so easy to forget. I could see myself doing the exact same thing. Haven’t these other mothers been there? Don ‘t they remember the feeling of of being a sleep deprived zombie? How can other parents be so cruel?” I had no idea………..

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"The negligent parent" - BabyandBump says:

May 8, 2013 at 10:45 am

[…] this was an important read so I wanted to share it here, especially since it's nearly summer. http://www.beyondmoi.com/the-neglige…not-an-option/ From now on I know I'll be checking the back seat every time I get out of the car. One of the […]

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human being says:

May 8, 2013 at 10:59 am

my oldest child put my toddler in the car ahead of me while I cleaned up our tray. she had thought I strapped the toddler in and i figured she did. I drove down a very busy street and luckily decided to stop off at a store. We noticed our mistake then and were mortified. We now both check if the other put her in the car. and, who ever sits her in the seat is required to strop her in and the other check that it was done and done correctly. I am far from a bad parent and she is far from a bad kid. We just assumed wrong. Make no assumptions and just glance behind you before getting in and out of the car. It is easy.

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Nichole says:

May 8, 2013 at 11:02 am

I have always had this fear since having children. I double, triple check everything. Sometime I worry so much I honestly can’t remember if I forgot. I use to think my God there is something wrong with me. I shouldn’t have these thoughts, these fears. But as I get old I realize its normal (whatever normal is) all parents go through these things,these fears. Don’t be too hard on your self. You were lucky you learned and I’m pretty sure it will never happen again.

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JC says:

May 8, 2013 at 11:17 am

I am one of those parents. I didn’t lock my infant in a car, but I allowed my eleven year old son to ride his bike on the highway in front of our house. This is a rural, 55 mph highway. He was hit by a car in 2001 and was gone.
I am a cautious, caring parent. My son was a very cautious, careful child. We had allowed him to ride his bike to a neighbor’s house with their son, who was older, and I thought he’d be safe. But, I imagine, that because he was with someone “older”, he felt safe to just follow the boy across the highway. But the other boy didn’t look, and only narrowly avoided being hit as well.
Only later did I learn that the boy was learning disabled because of his mothers drug addiction during her pregnancy.
And the driver of the car? He couldn’t be found by the police later because he went to prison on drug charges later that week. He is a chronic drug addict and alcoholic well known to any police officer in our area.
But none of that changes the fact that it was simply a bad parenting decision to allow my son to ride his bike on the highway. It was only a quarter of a mile. I could have driven him.
It took me years to even face my culpability. I never really denied it, but facing it is another matter entirely.
I have no idea if being guilty for your child’s death either adds to, detracts from, or can not affect the overwhelming grief of losing a child. I don’t think my brain or my body are large enough to engage the enormity of both of those events at the same time.
I have spent years being angry. Angry at myself. Angry at family members who are neither cautious nor caring, have raised their children to be like wolves, and they get to keep all their children. Angry at God. Angry at the people who live in the “slums” in our town, who allow their toddlers to ride skateboards on the busy street in front of their house with no consequences. Or at least no consequences as severe as mine. That I can see. It’s easy to be angry at people you don’t really know. Angry at God when other people’s children are somehow miraculously healed from something, and mine wasn’t. I recently realized that the anger has really turned to envy. Not really healthy. Perhaps I should focus on appreciating the 11 years I had with this wonderful, intelligent, thoughtful, imaginative, loving boy.
Accepting your imperfections when the consequences of them are dire, life-changing and permanent is no easy task. I’m not sure there will ever be an explanation good enough for why most people parental errors only result in screwing their kid up. But mine resulted in the end of his life. So many things are impermanent, even understanding the permanence of death is a challenge.
And I know people whose children have grown up to have major problems. Drug addiction, time in prison, alcohol addiction, abandoning their own children, turning in to monsters, getting angry and never speaking to their parents. I am fortunate enough to have two adult children who are decent human beings. I will never know the pain of having a child who is a huge jerk. I count myself equally fortunate to not have lost my child to suicide, or a horrific murder, or that the child just disappeared one day and was never found.
So this article is interesting to me. Especially the last paragraph. If you’ve ever left your toddler in the bathtub to answer the phone and come back to find him happily playing, good for you. If you’ve ever been late to pick up your grade schooler from practice and found him all alone, but alive and okay, you’re lucky. If your child has ever not come home from school one afternoon, and you left work and found him outside on a freezing cold day because he had forgotten his key, and he was okay, wonderful. If you ever thought you closed your door when you went to walk the dog and your spouse was sleeping upstairs but it opened a crack anyway, and your toddler ran down the street to find you, got picked up by strangers who called the police shortly after you did, and were reunited, awesome! If your 15 year old daughter’s coach would never state a time when they would be back from a meet, and then abandoned her all alone late at night and you couldn’t get there right away, and you found her just fine – superb. If your autistic toddler was always disappearing in parking lots and stores, and you always found him anyway, even though he would never answer when you called his name, you are lucky. Because all of those things happened to me. I just never knew how blessed I was when nothing bad happened.
And yes, Jeremy Martin-Weber, if your child ever came to harm because of a moment of distraction, or even making the wrong decision for the wrong reason, you would be devastated.

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1. Sarah says:
  
  May 8, 2013 at 3:32 pm
  
  Oh, JC, I am so sorry for your loss, I cannot even begin to imagine the tragedy of it. Sending you love and strength to carry on. xx
  
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Shenelle says:

May 8, 2013 at 11:43 am

I am a parent of three and I have done almost all of it!! It happens…unfortunately! Every one of my kids has made a car trip without being buckled in because they had been unbuckled for some reason or another and I forgot to check…Cringe! I handed the toddler the keys to play with while I buckled her in and forgot to grab them when I shut her door, by the time I walked around to my door, she had locked her and the baby in….Cringe! My two year old son took a header out of the shopping cart because I forgot to remind him for the umpteenth time to sit down before moving the cart….Cringe!! There happened to be a very unapproving bystander for that one! Double cringe! Everything ended up well in my cases and I’m glad they did for you too. There is nothing like that hot flash that washes over you when you realize what could be happening or could have happened!!

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Lori G says:

May 8, 2013 at 12:11 pm

This had me tearing up. Thank you for sharing. I have been guilty in the past of leaving my toddler in the car for “just a few minutes” to run in to the store…only in cooler weather. We live in TX. It gets hot so much of the year. But now that little man has joined the family, I have to sit myself down every time I want to leave the house and ask “have I had enough sleep?” “Can I walk straight, let alone drive?” I dread getting out and about with both of them and having something like this happen. Easy to fall into old habits, when going somewhere didn’t require packing for an extended trip. When leaving the house alone didn’t leave me giddy with excitement. We have to forgive ourselves for much every day, and hope that others will be more forgiving.
<3

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Kelley says:

May 8, 2013 at 12:13 pm

Once, on a 90 degree mid-July day in Philadelphia, we had to leave Whole Foods in disgrace when my two and a half year old wouldn’t stop screaming. I put my smoothie (and keys, apparently) in the car, got him out of the cart, put him in the carseat, didn’t buckle it, closed the door, and walked around the car to put his baby brother in … and in that time, he climbed to the front seat and managed to lock all of the doors and then settle down to drink the smoothie. The panic that I felt when I felt the door not open was beyond anything I’ve ever felt, and I ran back in the store, my five month old in my arms, asking the cashiers to call the fire department or something because my son was locked in our car. I am so thankful that, instead of someone judgmental, the person who helped me was a father of three, who called AAA, then went to find something heavy so that we could break a window if we had to, and then stood and talked with me until (thank God) my son pressed a button to open the doors again five minutes later. Since then, one of my failsafes is wearing my keys on a wrist lanyard, so that I can’t accidentally put my kid in the car with the keys again – it’s actually really convenient, too, since I don’t have to look in my purse for the keys! We all definitely make mistakes, and guilt and judgment help absolutely nothing. Thank you for the many powerful reminders in this post.

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HannahK says:

May 8, 2013 at 12:54 pm

Thank you so much for bravely posting this for us to read, and hopefully learn from. I teared up even thinking of what could have happened, and how frightening those few moments must have been until you saw your girl was just fine. This happened last year to a friend of a close friend, unfortunately resulting in the death of the child. I cannot comprehend the loss, but now I can understand, with compassion, how such a tragedy or mistake may come about. That is something I had been struggling with for the past year, how, why, etc.. In that situation it was the same circumstance, a new routine, out of the ordinary situation which caused a mistake on one of the parent’s part. I religiously check the carseat, the straps, the seat belt, every time double checking myself. This habit was created out of being a new paranoid mom, but also because of hearing of their awful heartache. I so rarely drive anywhere without my baby boy, but I do make a habit of looking in the backseat as I am closing my door.
Logically speaking, if car manufacturers can create the most obnoxious beeping sound because my heavy purse sets off the buckle seatbelt warning in the passenger seat, why aren’t they creating something similar for the backseat? Some sort of alarm bell warning when you turn off the car alerting you to something in your backseat.

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Jennifer says:

May 8, 2013 at 1:46 pm

When I was a young teacher, and still childless, I was so hard on parents (in my mind, of course). One mother was pregnant and always picked up her child in house slippers. I couldn’t believe that she wasn’t able to get it together and wear shoes for that short walk to the school. Then I got pregnant, and I couldn’t fit my swollen foot into any shoe that I owned. I silently apologized for all the times I thought this woman was a slob, or lazy, or disorganized.

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sarah m says:

May 8, 2013 at 2:29 pm

i forgot my 6 month old in the car when i went to the store last week. he was going to stay home with my husband, and i decided to bring him at the last minute. i was in the store 40 minutes before i realized my mistake, and RAN from the back of Walmart, all the way to my car. fortunately, he was still asleep and comfortable, and, thankfully, no one had noticed or called the police. i am certain that it will never happen to me again. my panic and emotion was overwhelming, and i will never forget that sinking feeling. thank you for sharing, Jeremy. it is nice to know that i am not the only one who has done this.

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Brenda says:

May 8, 2013 at 3:06 pm

Within a week I had my buggie tip over with my 3wk old baby. Once I was walking across the street to the daycare to pickk up her brother. On the way home he tripped and I stopped to help himfix hbis shoe. I didn’t set the brake and I let go of the buggie and turned my back and the wind picked up and it rolled off the curb and tipped over…I didn’t have her strapped in bc we were walking less than 50yards. A few days later I had her strapped in to the carseat and was carrying her to the car and I fell on the curb of the drive wat and lost my balance and fell ontop of the carrier with her in and it fell on the side. Both times it was more panic anxd fear on my end than anything. She wasn’t hurt at all. As a parent I try not to judge others and if I don’t agree with something i see I ask to get an understanding of their perspective. So thankful sugarbaby is ok and thank you for sharing with us

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Heather says:

May 8, 2013 at 4:33 pm

Thank you so much for your openness, honesty and generosity. This serves as such a meaningful and clear reminder, as well as a heart-softener for those of us quick to judge. I always think, “Oh, that poor poor parent” when I hear about mistakes that cost something dear – lives or mobility or mental ability or other, just heaven knows I judge for plenty of reasons. Thank you, Jeremy. Thank you so much.

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Amy says:

May 8, 2013 at 4:43 pm

Thanks for sharing. My youngest son’s carseat came unbuckled one time when we were buckling the oldest in (their seat belt latches are very close together). I didn’t notice until I arrived at my destination, and was taking him out; the seat was looser than it should have been. The incident has taught me to double check all of my children’s car seats before we go anywhere. I agree that it is easy to judge when you have never been in the situation; hopefully your story gives others the opportunity to be more forgiving, and reinforces the habits that keep everyone healthy and safe.

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Kari says:

May 8, 2013 at 8:47 pm

We drove home from my in-law’s house, a four-hour drive away. When we arrived at home, and I went to unbuckle my 1.5 year old daughter from her carseat, I noticed the straps were really loose, and I didn’t even have to press the button on the base to loosen them. Upon closer inspection, I found out that several cracker crumbs had fallen into the seat, right into the tightening mechanism, rendering it completely useless. I have no idea how long it was like this – she may have been completely vulnerable for the whole drive home. It terrified me and broke my heart – I definitely had a good cry over that.

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A Real Mom says:

May 9, 2013 at 9:29 am

I have done it. Twice actually. I have more children than this. I had run up to see my nieces at a school event. I got there and ran inside. After sitting there for a bit, my sister turns to me and asks if my husband has the baby. My heart dropped! I ran for the car. He was fine. I have eight children, almost 18 years from youngest to oldest. Years later, new baby after a several year break. I picked the teens up from high school. It was end of finals week for them. I suggested on a whim that we eat out because of it being end of finals week. We went to a restaurant. We go inside and sit there for a bit. Then we order. I get up to use the restroom when I start thinking about the baby. And I remembered, in a panic, that the baby was in the car! I ran back to the table and told the teens that there was an emergency and ran to the car and got in. I was worried about the baby, but I was worried about being caught. It was much easier before airbags in the front seat. With my first two children, the baby was always in the front seat, where you could see them and care for them. Now, with the babies in the back seat, it is harder. My heart goes out to every single person who lost their baby in a situation like this. It actually CAN happen to anyone. Before kids, I taught parenting classes part time and was a teacher fulltime. Now, I am a parent. Clearly, before kids, I was clueless. (((hugs))) Thanks for writing about this.

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DMom says:

May 9, 2013 at 2:19 pm

When my son was born 24 years ago I had reoccuring nightmares of forgetting I had a child (it being new and all) and leaving him asleep at home in the morning etc. Fast forward 23 years and my daughter, 3, rode with her big brothers and I to a wrestling weigh in where I took 4 extra boys. She fell asleep on our way so I unloaded the boys and their bags first intending to unload her last and possibly allow her to sleep on my shoulder. In getting 6 boys hustled into the gym I got distracted (I’ve been a mother for 23 years) and 15-20 minutes later I looked at one of my sons and said, where is your sister. His eyes opened wide. We sprinted out to the car (luckily on a cool winter day but not cold) and she was still asleep in the back seat. THe guilt is still palpable. I too had thought others were neglectful but I realize now that it was a mere oversight, one that could have been too costly.

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1. Katharine says:
  
  May 11, 2013 at 3:17 pm
  
  That makes sense. Hope you’ve now forgiven yourself
  
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Failure is a Reality | oursweetlifeasweliveit says:

May 10, 2013 at 2:36 am

[…] The Negligent Parent – Failure is not an option […]

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Lexxi says:

May 11, 2013 at 12:05 am

I haven’t ever done this (my son’s 2) nor do I see how anyone ever could…but I still won’t “judge harshly.” I would, however, suggest getting a mirror (the crash-proof kind of course) and adjusting it so you can see your baby (rear-facing, I’m assuming). I live in AZ where the summers are 120+ degrees and when my son was born had digestive issues (causing him to frequently vomit and many times choke on it) so a mirror was a definite must.

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DanieH says:

May 11, 2013 at 10:12 am

Before having my son I always worried about “what if I forgot?” It used to be easy to remember bringing him out of the car since we just carried the infant seat in. Now that he’s a big boy in a convertible seat I find myself always worried and always checking his seat.
You are not a monster or any other terrible words you are a father who loves his children with every breath he takes. You are only human so please do not beat yourself up, learn from this moment and grow from it. Like with everything else your family posts about. That being said I know I would be beating myself up if I had done the same, heck I feel bad just leaving him in the car by himself long enough for me to go unlock the door.

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Justine says:

May 11, 2013 at 10:17 am

I would like to say I would never do this but I cant because as a parent (and I only have one 18 month old) I know we get distracted its not that we dont love our kids but maybe we didnt sleep well the night before and we are working on almost no sleep or maybe we are thinking about the bills that need to be paid or maybe who knows the house is getting remortgaged it doesnt mean we dont love our kids its just the simple fact that life is full of distractions and I for one agree with you I felt the same way before I had my son… I still judge too harshly but until you walk in that persons shoes you cant judge them im glad everyone was ok in this situation. 🙂

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Ronni says:

May 11, 2013 at 10:22 am

My husband’s grandmother has her age. 39. Every birthday that comes, she’s still 39. Maybe having an age to be “stuck” on is the secret to longevity. I think 25 will do for me. I will be 25 this year, and I’m happy with who I am and where I’m at in life.

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Keren Jackson says:

May 11, 2013 at 10:54 am

I once drove 3 hours with a sleeping 2-year-old who wasn’t strapped in. I had set up her portable DVD and just got into the car and drove away. I minor disruption in routine. She never lets me forget now, and I’m so grateful.

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Katharine says:

May 11, 2013 at 3:15 pm

The part about your wife letting you save face has me crying. Bless your heart

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Amanda says:

May 13, 2013 at 2:19 pm

Kudos to you for admitting this. When I had my first child, I did forget her in the car. Luckily, I remembered before I made it to the door of our home, but what if I hadn’t? I’m always very hesitant to judge others when I could have just as easily had a bad outcome, had I not remembered at the last moment.

Our son unexpectedly died in his sleep Mar 4, 2012. Now that I know the pain of losing a child, I am even less inclined to judge others because, believe me when I say, this is an exclusive club that NO ONE wants to belong to.

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Monette Chilson says:

May 14, 2013 at 11:51 am

I love you and your family’s charming grittiness! In this age of instagrammed lives, it’s good to remember that we all have sand in our shoes—and other nooks and crannies too. Thanks for the reminder.

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Lisa Rey says:

May 15, 2013 at 3:08 pm

It comforts me in some strange way to read this along with the many post on Facebook.I cant even look at the name of this disease without cringing…my memories include dragging myself to the kitchen for a popsicle that I would throw up on the way back to bed…wanting so desperately to die. Many migranes from dehydration and then the wonderful hospital stay from Nov. to Feb…leaving my husband with a preteen, 6 dogs, two cats, a full time job in the military, a soccor team to coach and online classes to complete. I didnt even feel bad for him at the time…I couldn’t feel anything. I felt like nothing more than a vessel to grow this baby that was killing me…I remember an amniocentesis to check lungs, but there was no fluid, and then those glorious words,”lets deliver this baby”. Slept thru induction, one push and poof. Just like that no more nausea. I dont think I could make it thru that again…so six times? Your wife is of another realm. …Bless each of you, but especially her. ?

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Cheryl RN says:

May 15, 2013 at 4:14 pm

I have been one of those nurses desperately looking for a vein. I’ve seen the devastation of the mothers and family. One of the most important (my opinion) is reminding them “it’s not their fault!” Constantly reminding these women they aren’t alone, trying to be with them. Helping husband and family with their emotional feelings, constantly reminding them that HG is something NO ONE wants to be having. It’s like a 24/7 hang over with no end in sight.

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Regina HC says:

May 15, 2013 at 4:33 pm

It brings me comfort to know I am not alone. I am pregnant for a third time (we suspect it will be my second HG pregnancy) and I am scared. My last pregnancy literally drove me insane. My first OB told my family I was bulimic and needed help because it was not possible to throw up through zofran. She told me it was due to the fact I didn’t want her. Even though I had support from my husband and family, I felt alone. I lost 60lbs, most of my teeth enamel, and still suffer from PTSD. As much as I hate the fact that others suffer as well, I thank you for sharing and making it public. I don’t feel so alone this time.

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Katy says:

May 15, 2013 at 6:34 pm

Thank you…this encompasses my thoughts perfectly.

Also it is thanks to your dear wife, I had the courage to take medication and get hydration…I still met so much ignorance that I didn’t get enough and didn’t get help until I had lost the will to fight for more care, but we made it.

Thank you for sharing.

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Mandy says:

May 16, 2013 at 12:57 pm

I can’t even express how much I loved this post. So beautifully put. I am in a 12 step program, and it is just incredible the feeling you get when people bare their souls honestly in a room together like that. Thanks for sharing honestly what parenthood is like. Because it IS hard. But it is also worth it.

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 23, 2013 at 11:12 am
  
  Thank you Mandy and good for you being in a 12 step program. Working on yourself and dealing with your issues WILL make you a better parent for your children. ~Jessica
  
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Delphine says:

May 16, 2013 at 1:57 pm

Your words resounded achingly in the chambers of my troubled heart. Thank you for being so vulnerable and reminding me that I am not the only one with self doubt as a parent :-)! Although I have to tell you that as your children are the reflection of your achievements as a parent, you are doing pretty well overall! 🙂

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 23, 2013 at 11:11 am
  
  Delphine, your words encourage me as well. You are such a dear friend and often we put such brave faces forward to the world we see without showing the inner turmoil. But it’s there. Your children are a reflection of your achievements as a parent as well, I love your kids and think they are fantastic. You’re doing pretty well overall too! Those moments of doubt just help make us keep trying to be better. ~Jessica
  
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Sarah says:

May 16, 2013 at 3:08 pm

I’m coming from a place of pain at the moment, and read much more of you, Jessica, than just this, just to say before I start. How do you know? really, how do you know it’s fair to inflict yourself on another person, a child? Is it fair for a child to have to have me as their mother? And when it’s not, it’s too late…
And I want a child, very much, and even many abused children claim love for their mothers so even the words of the children can’t really be taken as truth.
So, of course it’s hard, but is it right? I guess it’s right for some, and we all do our best, but what if my best just isn’t good enough?
Not surprisingly I am waiting to have a child until I don’t feel or think like this, which may be forever. I’m not really asking for a response, but really, how do you look at your child and not think that they would probably be SO much better with someone else, someone better?

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1. Sarah W. says:
  
  May 17, 2013 at 9:05 am
  
  Sarah, I know I’m not Jessica, and maybe she has a better response for you. More wisdom and insight than I, perhaps, but I’ve also asked some of those same questions.
  
  For me, there are days where I do believe that I am just not good enough. I do look at my children and wonder if it wouldn’t be better for them if they had a better mother than I, sometimes. So I don’t think that there comes a point where that worry ever completely goes away for good. It’s natural, I think.
  
  I find reassurance from family and friends. From my husband. I don’t keep the worries and the struggles bottled inside. Anymore, that is, because I did for a long time after my first was born. I find reassurance from my knowledge that the fact I do worry, the fact that my worry pushes me to be better, means that though I will never be the “perfect” mother, I will never stop trying to be a better mother than I was yesterday. I find reassurance from my faith, because I’m not good enough, but I know that my God is and He will help me (and I know that this is personal for me, but it is a huge comfort and so I felt I needed to include it for total honesty’s sake).
  
  I hope this is some comfort to you. You’re not the only one who worries about being good enough.
  
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2. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 23, 2013 at 11:03 am
  
  I don’t think I could say it better than the other Sarah did but I’ll share some thoughts. Mostly the sort that ramble, not really an answer.
  
  Probably because I don’t think there’s an “answer.”
  
  I have never, ever heard of someone that abused their child in an ongoing fashion and worried about it. There have been those that were abusive in a moment, at their wits end and lost control but then they were racked with guilt and put the effort into learning how to do better. And then they did. That’s not the same thing.
  
  All of us, every single parent out there will hurt their children in some way. Just like we will hurt our parents, partners, friends, coworkers… that’s the deal with people. The key is what we do with it. Do we learn and grow? Do we change? Do we ask for and seek out help? Or do we insist we were right and did no wrong? Depending on what we do with how we’ve been hurt and how we hurt others is what makes the difference. I have screwed up too many times as a mom and as a partner. I hate that. But I have learned and I’m constantly growing and I believe, doing better.
  
  Not sure about inflicting yourself on a child? Ultimately only you can decide about that. Just the fact that you are concerned about it shows me that you are open to learning and growing. That you care. Really, that’s all that is required, to care. When you care, everything else is possible to build a foundation for healthy parenting. You have to ask yourself what you’re really afraid of. Is it that you’ll damage a child beyond repair? Or that you’ll be a failure? We’re all broken people, all messed up. Giving our children the tools to pursue health is the key. Though many abused children don’t have such tools, many do go on to find some level of health and I include myself in that. When we first had children I told Jeremy I couldn’t do discipline because I didn’t have a healthy perspective of what that meant. Owning that has opened us both up to exploring better ways for our family. So I’m grateful, to an extent, because my abuse pushed me to search for something different which in turn led to healthier growth for me. I am growing with my children and they have made me a better person. ~Jessica
  
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Katy says:

May 16, 2013 at 3:47 pm

I needed this…sooo tired today. So exasperated by and crazy in love with my two right now…especially the three year old who is super independent and thinks it is fine to just get up and go when he wants…who told us “I’m not ok with that” when we wouldn’t walk to Starbucks for a cake pop and apple juice after he had a cookie….I love that you share enough to know that you are wearied and overjoyed by your children. It helps me believe I might not be failing as much as I feel I am.

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 23, 2013 at 11:08 am
  
  Oh 3, that’s such a fantastically hard age! Some of my favorite moments with my children were when they were 3. Some of the most difficult ones too. Hand in hand. You’re not failing, you’re living and life isn’t easy. Treasure those moments that are great and look for the the great in the ones that aren’t (and look at how well he expressed himself in knowing what he wanted! Even if it wasn’t good for him, lol!) while being honest about these challenges. And humor, humor can help so much. Hang in there! ~Jessica
  
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Melissa says:

May 16, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Thank you for sharing. Having HG is one of my worst fears, even though I’ve never experienced it, I still fear that someday it could happen. But it is reassuring to me to know that there is more help and support out there than ever before and it’s reassuring that I could make it through it.

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Sara says:

May 16, 2013 at 4:22 pm

This is wonderful. I really didn’t enjoy the first 4 months of my sons life. He was fussy. He cried. A lot. I had PPD. I had night sweats. Every person who asked me ‘isn’t be a mom so wonderful?’ I’d feel horrible saying ‘no, it sucks and I want to give him back.’ But I knew it would get better. And it did. And it’s still hard (more so because I’m a single parent) but my son is the best thing in my life and its amazing. We just can’t downplay the difficulty, frustration, and challenge. But also the amazing wonder.

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 23, 2013 at 11:06 am
  
  The amazing wonder wouldn’t actually seem so amazing without the challenging struggle. We need both. ~Jessica
  
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Megan says:

May 16, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Thank you so much. For your honesty, for your witty writing style, for always showing the good with the bad. I admire that so much. Its just so refreshing to see that I’m not the only one that struggles. So, thank you 🙂

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 23, 2013 at 11:05 am
  
  You are welcome. More of us need to open up about that reality, it will make the struggle less simple because we won’t struggle over the struggle! ~Jessica
  
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nicole says:

May 17, 2013 at 8:18 am

Thank you so much for this refreshingly honest and vulnerable post. This was exactly what I needed to hear today.

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Laura says:

May 22, 2013 at 10:36 pm

Thank you for your post and thank you to all the others who commented. I waited my whole life to be a mommy. I watched my girl friends have their first and then their second and even third. My husband and I didn’t think it would ever happen and then we were blessed with our little girl…. And it is amazing and fun and all kisses and hugs but the majority of the time it is messy and tantrums and biting and I lay in bed every night wondering if I was to strict or not strict enough and praying I don’t repeat my parents issues. It would make since that all parents worry about messing their children up but know one ever admits it. It’s reassuring to know that even moms of two or four kids have the same fear as this first time mommy thank you.

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 23, 2013 at 11:04 am
  
  You’re not alone and even all those that never admit this struggle are experiencing it. People and relationships are messy! A glorious beautiful mess. ~Jessica
  
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Victoria says:

May 25, 2013 at 6:02 pm

Absolutely beautiful, and what a great poem!

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Mairead says:

May 25, 2013 at 7:34 pm

Amazing and beautiful!! That you for sharing your family and experiences with all of us!

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isabella says:

May 25, 2013 at 10:19 pm

The title is great and their work together is inspiring. I love reading your pieces, they are very important at the moment as I’m dealing with some tension here too…

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Mother & Grandmother says:

May 26, 2013 at 1:56 am

This is a hard issue and many of us would like to just stop the conflict to reinstate peace without resolving it. This is a true story experience by two of my favorite people. Thank you for sharing a good lesson for us all.

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Homepage says:

June 15, 2013 at 8:26 pm

… [Trackback]…

[…] Read More here: beyondmoi.com/the-negligent-parent-failure-is-not-an-option/ […]…

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JH says:

June 17, 2013 at 12:35 pm

Thisb s exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you for sharing.

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1. JH says:
  
  June 17, 2013 at 12:36 pm
  
  *this is (darn phone thumbs)
  
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  1. JMartin-Weber says:
    
    June 17, 2013 at 1:10 pm
    
    Phone thumbs get me in SO much trouble! 😉 ~Jessica
    
    Reply
Meg W says:

June 17, 2013 at 12:39 pm

I love posts like this because I screw up every day too. I think it is healthy to talk to kids about why we get angry, even if it is for reasons beyond kids control, like being hot, tired, cranky, in pain, etc. Sometimes I squish my anger down about issues like that, and then when my toddler does a few minor things I squish it down again, and then one small thing happens and I EXPLODE!!! That’s not healthy for sure so I think it’s good to acknowledge how we feel and figure out healthy ways to “let out” the anger and direct it in a way that doesn’t hurt others. The fact is, your girls are going to feel angry for things like being tired, angry, etc. and maybe if they see how you work through it all, and that when you make mistakes you take responsibility it will help them too. I think your household just sounds like a ton of fun and I wish my toddler could come hang out with all those articulate speakers! 🙂

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  June 17, 2013 at 1:11 pm
  
  Taking responsibility is exactly it. So much conflict would be eliminated if we simply owned our mistakes. Handling them with grace, for ourselves and others, is just the next step. One that is impossible if we don’t take that responsibility. Thank you for sharing! ~Jessica
  
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Diana says:

June 17, 2013 at 1:41 pm

Just last night, my 3.5yo was having one of the worst tantrums she’s ever had. Her world has been rocked so severely lately–her Daddy going off to a 3 week school and her grandparents coming to visit for those three weeks. We’ve been much more on-the-go, so she’s been excited, overstimulated, overtired, and missing her Daddy all at the same time she’s worrying that I might leave too (never mind the fact that the only time I’ve been away for more than a few hours was when I was in the hospital when her brother was born 18 months ago). Trying to get her to see the reasons behind her anger was a major thing last night. I let her rant and rave until she got all the emotion out and then gave her as much cuddling and kisses as she wanted. I didn’t handle it as well as I wish I had, there was yelling and spanking, but I apologized to her and she forgave me. Thank you for being honest and open with your parenting journey, I love getting insights and ideas from you. You are helping me to be a better, more gentle-minded mother that my instincts pull me to, yet I don’t have any role model in my life. You inspire me in so many ways, thank you for being you.

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Cakes Brighton says:

July 1, 2013 at 10:46 am

I really like the Oreo Cake. Can I ask you for sharing recipe for this cake with us, please?

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Ashley says:

July 22, 2013 at 8:49 pm

Thank you for posting this. And kudos to your wife for her reaction. My parents had a similar story (baby was fine) and there wasn’t nearly the understanding that your wife showed you. You’ve lived and learned and now you’re spreading awareness. Thank you!

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Melissa says:

July 24, 2013 at 11:05 am

I just want to thank you both every day for being so honest and open about your lives. Thank you.

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Kristen says:

July 24, 2013 at 12:47 pm

This brought me to tears! There is so much truth in what this commercial says; and what you wrote. This just made me realize how I need to change as a mom and as a human being. Thank you for this! Thank you for showing us the scary truth of our behavior!

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Karen says:

July 24, 2013 at 12:57 pm

We are struggling with some issues, a child in my 6 year olds class at school has been displaying some major behaviour issues, swearing, biting, hitting and inappropriate touching of his female classmates. He clearly is picking up these issues from somewhere, children don’t “just” behave like this, and having worker with children and families with issues, he’s either being abused or is in a difficult situation, I think. It’s hard for me to have my 6 year old come home telling me “x called me a c**t and told me to f**k off” or hear that he’s spent the day climbing under desks trying to touch the girls crotches and showing his penis to girls in the corridor. I want to protect her, and my first instinct is anger towards this child, and his parents or family, that he is behaving this way, but clearly the child needs help and I have to wonder what behaviours are being modelled to him at home, what kind of brokenness or damage he is seeing. It’s hard but I think compassion is important. The school are working on the situation, it isn’t going unnoticed or unchecked, they are trying to work with his family, to help them and him. I hope you don’t mind the use of those words in context, I have not written them in full. I was pretty shocked when she can’t home and told me, we try to moderate our language around our children, they aren’t pleasant words coming out of a child’s mouth!
Children do model what they see from the adults around them, good and bad. I suffer from anxiety and I can already see my 6 year old trying to deal with anxious feelings, and reacting like me, in certain situations! I think it’s a shame they’ve removed this video, did they have a reason?

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Anonymous says:

July 24, 2013 at 2:04 pm

Thank you for sharing. I being a child of molestation can totally understand where you are coming from. I had a family that did not deal well with what happened and did not support me through my ordeal. But also the community as a whole didn’t.

I was in primary school at the time, all of 8yo, after years of sexual abuse. I lost all my friends. I believe the children acted as their parents had reacted to the situation. I felt that everyone was whispering behind my back. The parents looked at me as tainted, and tried their best to protect their children. I believe in part this was due to their feelings toward the words sexual abuse, and also their thoughts of the abused becoming abusers.

This has all affected me well into adulthood as can be expected. Taking its toll on my trust of others and developing meaning relationships/friendships. And also my relationship with my child. This person that I loved so much, that I had made from a few cells and was a part of me.

I was so afraid that I would have this sudden desire to sexually abuse my son, that early on I withheld a lot of my affections. Afraid that this evil inside me might escape and force me to hurt the person I loved the most. But as I watched my husband and other parents love their child, I started to realise that I could show love to my child the way I truly wanted to. That I was not going to hurt this poor vulnerable person, because I loved him so much I would make every effort to protect him. Only then could I be comfortable holding him whilst he was naked, changing his nappies or bathing with him.

So I think yes there is this chance that the abused become abusers, but I think we need to change the culture and stigma surrounding it. It isn’t like you have no control, you make your choices. You will not suddenly wake up and feel its ok to do these things to another human being. So rather than looking at the victims as potential reoffenders, we need to help them to understand what happened and how it isn’t their fault. And how to behave and build meaningful relationships. That there are better ways to show your love for someone.

Horrible things can happen to people but they are the ones that make the final choices in their life. They can choose to follow in their abusers footsteps or let this tragedy affect the rest if their lives. Or they can look toward the future and how to make their lives better. How this one horrible part of their lives is not the focal point to what the rest of their lives will be. You can become whoever you want to be.

I know, I am a registered nurse with plans to become a midwife, happily married with a few close friends, a gorgeous son and new bub due in September.

So thanks again for sharing
xx

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Jessi hesse says:

July 24, 2013 at 2:12 pm

I do see how this ad can be controversial but so are a lot of other things that aren’t banned. Certainly better than some I’ve seen without such a good message. I would have liked to see a positive side to the commercial as well though like someone actually helping then the child following suit.
I really like this article, and as a parent with some of the same issues I’m wondering a few things. I don’t know if its to personal to share and if it is please just disregard my questions but I worry about the same thing happening to my girls and wonder how you found out? And if you have any pointers or suggestions on how to preemptively speak with children about abuse? Also wondering about the spanking thing? Does it tie in with prevention of abuse or was it because they had been hurt enough and you felt that spanking was too harsh? Do you have suggestions on alternatives? Also suggestions on “healing” when broken so as not to break?

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Lynn says:

July 24, 2013 at 7:29 pm

With all the television shows containing sexual innuendos and downright crude topics, I’m saddened this was banned. I often find myself losing patience and near losing control, so this message is very important for many. Even those who haven’t suffered abuse, but loss can cause pain. Pain is the source of this behavior. Such a good message, it brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing it .

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HermioneJ says:

July 24, 2013 at 7:55 pm

There is only so much we can protect our children from. Predation on a child by a child is something we least expect. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I may speak for many when I say that I follow your blogs and posts (all of them) and get something every time; whether it is support, a lesson, or a prick (more like a stab) of conscience.
/virtual hug

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Tracie says:

July 24, 2013 at 8:59 pm

I too was sexually abused as a child. I am open about it and volunteer with a local sexual assault victims center as an on call advocate for victims. But the abuse was a big factor in how long it took me to decide to even have children of my own. My son is almost 9 months and I still worry that I made the wrong choice sometimes. Not because that I worry I will abuse him, but that I am too broken to be his mom. Or that the world is too broken. Thank you for talking about this issue. It helps so many people know its ok to talk about and to get help.

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Violetsouffle says:

July 26, 2013 at 2:22 pm

That is awesome! I hope she has a wonderful time! I just want to say that I love how open and truly generous your children are-I believe she really does want the kids who got the scholarship to enjoy themselves& I am sure she will make a whole heart-full of new friends on her way.

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Meg W says:

July 26, 2013 at 9:47 pm

love her positive attitude! tell storyteller that brown is my favorite color too! thought I was the only one out there

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  July 30, 2013 at 11:34 am
  
  It’s my favorite color too! Well, one of them. I also really love teal, red, green, purple… I might love all the colors really… but brown is my favorite to wear. ~Jessica
  
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jrachaelhardin says:

September 15, 2013 at 5:57 am

Faith always. My hubs is an engineer so we end up laid off and moving every two/three years we do the same thing pray, pick a place and look for a job in that area. Life is an adventure!

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Amanda E says:

September 15, 2013 at 6:08 am

I love your crazy faith. I have a little of that myself. 😉 What a gift! What blessings! God is good!

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Meg W says:

September 15, 2013 at 6:10 am

you are crazy-living, which we all do! life happens (ie: struggle, disappointment, challenges) even when we stay in our same safe town and do the same life things we’ve done for years. good for you for exploring and figuring it out. your girls are gleaning so many life skills and attitudes based on this adventure just by watching how it all rolls out. learning to take moderate risks, pursue dreams, embrace help, offer thanks- as a teacher I can say those are skills no curriculum could ever teach. keep us posted!

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Megan says:

September 15, 2013 at 7:33 am

We did the same, sort of. We left NC where my husband had been unemployed for 10 months. He had a job at a summer camp in NH so we packed up our 5 person family in one little car, drove up for the camp knowing we would be trying to find a job and place to live for after camp. He did find a good job, but we ended up staying with people for a few months (Terrible experience for us) and finally found a place we could afford and moved in Dec 16th. We have been here going on 3 years now 🙂

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Lexa Newman says:

September 15, 2013 at 7:35 am

You living your faith. You are more brave than I, and you are richer for it. You will always have stories to tell and things to contribute to society, so you’ll never be freeloaders. I am so very envious of you, your chutzpah, and your incredible joie de vivre, it’s not even funny! Crazy Faith, for sure.

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Keith Allison says:

September 15, 2013 at 8:49 am

Jeremy & Jessica: As we have become friends the past months I LOVE your crazy faith. I mean you guys really are crazy, but in a good way. I LOVE that you took a step of faith and literally left everything in Houston to arrive in Portland with nothing. The world would say you are crazy stupid and I would say they are missing out on the craziness of following the journey and the plans He has for us. So many feel trapped and never just get in the van and go. Our family in 2010 left the pastorate (after 15 years) and moved to NC from MI with no jobs, no house and many unknowns. We moved in with my wife’s sister while I was still raising support for my role in my new job. 2 months later school was about to start and Joyce, my wife, got a job the same day she would have gone back to her job after the summer break in MI. She never missed a day. It was a great job at a university. This also meant we could get a house now. We had been looking at a specific side of town and needed to get into that school district before the weekend ended. That same weekend the realtor dropped the house price of a dream home that we loved by $20,000 and we put in an offer that same day. PTL we got the house and the girls started at their new schools in a great district the following week. 3 weeks later we moved into our new home, with our new jobs, the girls new school, and we started our new life. I was told many times, even by good friends and family, that we were crazy. And in some ways we were but we knew in our hearts it was the right thing to do. Were there times when we questioned our move? Humanly speaking of course but we always had that inner peace that it was going to work out. My life verse is Jeremiah 29:11 Thanks again for sharing your story and life with all of us. Love you guys. I think we should all live CRAZY!!!!!!

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Emily says:

October 3, 2013 at 3:51 pm

Crazy faith! We just took a similar jump, also to Portland. My husband was offered an amazing job, and we up and moved with no house to move to. We hopped around different hotels with 3 kids in tow until we found the perfect house. It’s been a wild ride, but so worth it. Congrats on your crazy new adventure.

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Serena says:

October 15, 2013 at 7:02 pm

I only have two children but having moved away from my support system and all that I have known over a year ago has been a constant struggle to keep balance – with both my spouse, my children and myself. Occasionally his parents watch our children so we can go and have some time without them. Even if that time is only spent eating without having to cut up someone else’s meal. We go on family drives in the afternoon, both boys fall asleep and we just talk about our dreams and all that we have come through and the future that we hope for. For me it is the small things that help me keep balanced with those that I love. Sometimes I even go out by myself – I know, weird hey 😉 Mostly just to go shopping but even doing that gives me time to clear my head and reconnect with my dreams <3 Thank you for sharing how you and Jessica find balance.

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Aubrey Rodriguez says:

November 12, 2013 at 1:59 pm

I love to read…but you are right!…It is hard to find the time to read and relax my mind enough to do so. However, over the past week I actually finished half a book and hope to have read it all in another week or so. Glad to be reading again. Thanks for the inspiration and encouragement. (I like the part about kids helping out around the house too!)

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Emily says:

November 12, 2013 at 2:08 pm

I remember those days of endless reading with fondness. The days of not having to figure out what’s for dinner, or wash the dishes again, or get the tires changed before winter.

I’m thankful my parents made me cook. I’m thankful I know how to clean the house (even if I don’t do as good of a job as my mom). I’m glad my parents taught me that a household is a team and you have to work together to be happy.

I think you’re doing it right. Kids always think they have it rough 🙂

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Diana says:

November 12, 2013 at 2:41 pm

My son, 22 months, HATES to sleep and even more so, sleeping alone. Putting him down for naps is at least a 20-30 minute process of nursing, rocking, and cuddling until he’s in the perfect window for laying down. He also doesn’t deal with any attention while needing to fall asleep, he sees that as an invitation to stay awake! My solution is borrowing one of my hubby’s headlamps and using that as my reading time! I can even typically drag it out by making it be everyone’s quiet time and having my daughter play quietly in her room (if only she’d nap too….)! Now to work on everyone working on cleaning up together without me feeling like a slave driver!

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Meg W says:

November 12, 2013 at 9:01 pm

I was just sitting here and wondering when I stopping loving to read, and I think it was the advent of social media and the Internet. Even when I do have down time, I choose to surf facebook aimlessly and waste so much time. I need to do a media fast and get back to the way I was before my laptop took over my life! I miss reading :/

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Rondy says:

December 21, 2013 at 2:43 pm

Here’s blog I like, with a posting about the ritual around the Twelve Days, and how they’ve made it work in their family. Good luck finding your new rhythm!

http://rhythmofthehome.com/2010/10/twelve-days-of-giving/

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Michelle B says:

December 22, 2013 at 12:34 am

When I was growing up it was just me and my mom, my siblings were all grown up and had families of their own. We didn’t have a lot of money, which meant barely if any presents at Christmas. And while it was a bit hard to see my nieces and nephews with all sorts of great presents, it actually taught me to be thankful for what I did have & for the few surprises i was given. The present and tradition that I looked forward to the most every year was on Christmas Eve. Late Christmas Eve night after all the feativities, my mom let me open one gift, a movie and we would watch together. I’m not sure why, but i loved this and it always felt more magical because of the day and the late hour. I learned a few years ago that my mom loved this just as much as I did, which somehow made it even more special to me. Maybe y’all can find things like that, that don’t cost much. Even if you do them the days after Christmas, in order to fit them in your schedule, it will still be special. You could even make celebrating after Christmas, after giving of yourself to others (through ballet and other endevors) a tradition. Thank you for your blog, your insight into parenting and breastfeeding. I hope that your family has a magical, memorable, blessed Christmas!

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Don Long says:

December 23, 2013 at 9:08 am

Blown away by the Martin-Weber family… amazing parents raising beautiful children from the inside out. My Christmas wish: that others will learn from you, growing in love and grace; I know I have. I also wish we were in Oregon this Christmas….

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Maria says:

January 25, 2014 at 2:58 am

Wow. What a beautiful post. You truly are a wonderful family. A you have a lovely way with prose.

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Emily says:

February 5, 2014 at 7:07 pm

I absolutely LOVED this post! What a great idea. And thank you so much for including the “how-to.” You guys are the best!

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Bekah says:

February 5, 2014 at 9:40 pm

The same thing happened to our 2.5 yo regarding Sunday school! First Christmas break, then we were all sick or missed church because of bad weather, and the weeks we have gone his regular teacher isn’t there and it’s to the point that he immediately says he doesn’t want to go to church when it’s simply mentioned! And oh, the tears and crying when we are there!

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Jo says:

February 5, 2014 at 10:06 pm

This popped up in my newsfeed right when I need it. My Father in law passed away suddenly last month and now my almost 4 year old has been hesitant to leave Mommy and Daddy to go to school for 2 hours 45 minutes 4 days a week. She has been acting out and afraid to go to sleep and doesn’t want Mommy and Daddy to leave her ever. We have been doing what we can to alleviate some of her fears and being open and honest about death. She also may talk about Grandpa and share any feelings she has. Most of the time, she has an extra cuddle and seems to be able to face the world a bit better after. I like the idea of having some tangible for her to keep in a pocket and look at if she needs to.

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katrina.tan@sif.org.sg says:

February 5, 2014 at 10:41 pm

What a fabulous idea! I must save this!

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Emily says:

February 6, 2014 at 11:45 am

I was thinking today about what a gift it was for your family to be able to move all the way to Portland to support the dreams of your family. I know it was really hard, and Christmas is certainly a time you feel that. I am reminded that the things I think are important to other people, like gifts, are usually second to the time we spend together, and they often would rather that I’m not overwhelmed.

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Melanie says:

February 6, 2014 at 3:44 pm

I love this. My babies are, unfortunately, living elsewhere. I’ve tried The Kissing Hand, but I only get to see my girls twice a week. Maybe the stones will work better for our situation. My babies are ages 2 and 3 years, and struggling with the major change in our life. I’m going to talk to them about this on Monday and maybe we can make some for them to carry our love always.

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Beth says:

February 7, 2014 at 9:05 am

Amen! We have 6 under the age of 5 so I couldn’t agree more!
Absolutely love the last line!

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Don Long says:

February 7, 2014 at 10:38 am

I like this, very much. Thanks for the reminder….

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Sarah says:

February 7, 2014 at 1:11 pm

Some days I feel that the only thing out of my mouth is “come on we are going to be late”. I really have to be mindful (so hard) and stop and ask myself if being on time is that important. The hardest is getting out in the morning as being on time for work is important (for job security but also my clients who rely on me as well). But employment comes and goes…parenting is forever. I want to slow down and walk with my toddler as she explores every bit of her world. I’m trying to remind myself everyday. It’s not easy and some days I’ll rush her (which also opens up learning opportunities), but others I’ll remember to throw the to-do list out the window and just be present.

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Aubrey Rodriguez says:

February 7, 2014 at 1:54 pm

Such a great reminder as a parent to not let the pressures of others’ expectations determine my mood and my parenting. I struggle with wanting to rush my kids because I was always a very punctual person pre-kids…I must keep in mind that the relationship and uniqueness of my kids are more important than being on time. Thanks for your insight!

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Marybeth says:

February 13, 2014 at 11:22 pm

My tip for better sex after baby…is coconut oil. Or your lube of choice. For real. It’s amazing how much better proper lubrication makes sex, and I often find I get in the mood more often if we have a great experience- good sex begets more good sex!

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1. Maria says:
  
  February 23, 2014 at 7:50 pm
  
  Yup! Works like a charm!
  
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2. Jenna says:
  
  February 24, 2014 at 11:15 am
  
  Really?! Thanks for the tip. I just had a VBA2C and so I feel like a first time mom in this department. C-sections have their own issues to deal with for sex including dryness, but it wasn’t as extreme as I think it will be this time. And I had a second degree tear…so coconut oil, yeah? Lots?! lol. We have buckets of the stuff. 🙂
  
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3. Kris says:
  
  February 24, 2014 at 10:23 pm
  
  Find ways to complement one another. Not with words but with action and understanding. No pointing fingers. Agree to disagree. Take time for you but also as a couple. Patience.
  
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Teresa honores says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:30 am

seeing the hubby with the kids and when he helps around the house

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1. Tiffany says:
  
  February 19, 2014 at 4:16 pm
  
  Couldn’t agree more!
  
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Meghan Corey says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:01 am

Wine. Lots of wine.

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1. angela fahey says:
  
  February 19, 2014 at 8:47 am
  
  great tips!
  
  Reply
Christine Bailey says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:17 am

When my husband does little things for me and the family, like spending extra time, or doing the dishes, things like that…always seems to make me more attracted to him and puts me in the mood!

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Andrea says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:18 am

It is hard to get in the mood once baby saps all of your energy, but remember that your partner came first and without the sex, there would have been no baby!

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1. Shawn Hierholzer says:
  
  February 22, 2014 at 7:00 am
  
  This is what I was gonna say…it is hard to be in the mood for me and I don’t like that at all. So what works well for me usually is to take a quiet, hot shower and think about how sex was before and how it made me feel!
  
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sherry b says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:27 am

Spending alone time with my husband can put me in the mood.

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Amy D. says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:41 am

Forget the chocolate and flowers, I can be won with yummy ripe fruit!

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Britni says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:56 am

Honestly with a 2.5 yr old who hasn’t slept well in 2 yrs – what puts me in the mood is a good night’s rest. It’s a lot more enjoyable when I’m not operating on 3 hr stretches of sleep.

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Megan Duncan says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:56 am

What puts me in the mood is when he gets aroused by accident, just me being me.

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Elizabeth says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:00 am

What puts me in the mood is not having a lot on my mind – in other words, I’ve gotten help with so many of the daily chores related to mothering – bedtime, clean up, homework for older kids, baby care for the younger ones. When I am more free mentally, I am more free emotionally and physically.

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Amy says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:02 am

When I get help around the house.

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Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:12 am

A massage usually helps up me in the mood.

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Cassie V says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:41 am

Getting help around the house puts me in the mood, it frees up my mind of some of the daily grind.

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1. Melodie Diaz Cruz says:
  
  February 24, 2014 at 3:50 am
  
  What puts me in the mood is A, not having birth control hormones in my body anymore, and B when he wears my favorite hat and is looking good!
  
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B says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:42 am

Patience,gentleness & understanding

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Jessica M says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:54 am

Being sweet and helpful

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Emma says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:02 am

Pretty much everything!

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Casey Norris says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:08 am

Love these tips!

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Stephanie Lockwood says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:12 am

When my husband makes me feel like he has to have me

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Talia B. says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:14 am

My husband helps me get in the mood when he takes a little more control of helping the kids nighttime routine stay on track and getting them to bed. It saves me some effort, is thoughtful, and lets me know he is willing to put n effort to be with me.

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Christina F. says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:19 am

“what puts you in the mood?” well, THAT’S a personal question! 😉 relaxing. a nice bath, getting to sleep in, a back/arm/hand/leg rub.

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Danielle says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:42 am

I think anytime my husband does the dishes puts me in the mood. I don’t think he ever does it for that reason either. Even sexier!

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Sunny McClurg says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:43 am

An awesome back rub always puts me in the mood! It’s nice to just share physical contact.

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Amber McCormick says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:52 am

Sex is a pretty rough topic for my husband and I- but especially for me. He really has his work cut out for him when it comes to helping me “get into the mood” and when he’s ALWAYS “in the mood” we find ourselves and a giant, tipping scale with both of us out of balance. Much of this post spoke about vulnerability and in the end, that’s exactly what puts me in the mood. When he takes off his stone mask and shows me more than his masculinity, when he truly lets me in and shows me the parts of himself that he rarely shows anyone, that place where I feel less alone in my ever-raw emotions and vulnerability; that is the place where I find our connection and when we are connected I find the passion we began with ten years ago. Seeing my husband without his guard, his sensitivity is what “puts me in the mood”. Though I’m sure he doesn’t believe it hah.

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Christina says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:53 am

Try to grab those special moments when you can find the time. Trying to schedule it can lead to stress if things don’t line up to make it happen.

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Melissa says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:04 am

A sleeping baby!

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Lesley says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:06 am

I haven’t figured out a good tip yet. We are struggling. 🙁 I appreciate this article as it is very timely. Thank you.

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Kimberly says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:12 am

My husband helping out with other duties helps put me in the mood. If I have to do everything for everyone, I don’t have the energy left for him AND I’m probably going to be pretty annoyed.

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Krista says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:23 am

I struggle with this. Living with family is one issue but it’s mostly some of the points you have listed above. We really need to work on this.

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Chelsea O says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:26 am

My husband is only at home on weekends (sometimes only every third weekend) so we really try and enjoy the short time we have together.
I like when my husband and I flirt all day long. From morning until night. We don’t even have to have sex that night, the flirting could continue until the next morning and help us really enjoy one another. It isnt about quantity as much as about quality of time spent.

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Angelle Conant says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:29 am

Thank you so much for being so frank! 🙂

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Krista says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:29 am

Forgot the tip! I would say learning to shut off your mind.

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Jen S says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:31 am

“Support in their parenting journey ends up being sexy” – oh so true! Feeling supported, valued, and part of a parenting team sets the framework to get me in the mood.

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Becky says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:40 am

Flirting is so important, it’s the little things things that lead to the “finish” 😉

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Vanessa says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:46 am

I have to agree with Marybeth…it’s all about the lube! Also, reading some steamy romance novels can help you get in the mood. 😉

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amy says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:00 am

thank you so much for this post! it is very encouraging and i plan to share it with my husband so that we can improve our sex life together

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Rachael K says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:00 am

Nothing is sexier than a man who appreciates how hard I’ve worked at parenting all day instead of the ‘what have you been doing all day?’ routine! Acknowledging that I’m tired but he’ll make it ‘worth my while’ to stay up a bit later goes a long way too!

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Marian says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:01 am

Getting some time to myself. As a SAHM to 2 I feel like I’m always on during the day. Since I’m also an introvert it is very draining for me. A little time to recharge and do what I want alone does wonders.

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Michelle S. says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:10 am

Feeling connected with your spouse is what creates intimacy for me. Understanding and patience…

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Jessie says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:10 am

When the husband says go do something for an hour for you. Love it…

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Jay Dee says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:11 am

Kissing and touching puts me in the mood.

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Rhyannon Walker says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:21 am

Remember to spend time together as a couple, not just as parents.

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RochelleL says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:24 am

Patience and not-for-sex touching, usually gets there anyway.

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Ashley Runholt says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:29 am

I would say hands down touching….knowing you have that physical contact!

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Carrie says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:32 am

Cuddling and talking is a great way to destress and relax. When I relax to it leads to me being in the mood. Bubble baths also help.

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Christine says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:35 am

Him helping around the house actually and just flirting

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Abigail says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:46 am

Emotional intimacy usually gets me in the mood, or little pieces of affection through the day.

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Margaret Young says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:48 am

Coconut oil for intimate times made a words of difference, plus it’s just go for down there and well everywhere!

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Megan C says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:49 am

A clean house and booze…

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Jessica O says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:58 am

I don’t really have any tips but this article and comments were very helpful, so hopefully I will get some drive back soon! I think a big thing with me is I need to take more initiative and make time to be intimate instead of making excuses!

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Jennifer S says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:58 am

A clean house 😀

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Amanda says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:58 am

Having alone time to relax with hubs with baby fast asleep in another room

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Elizabeth Gee says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:05 am

I good nights rest the day before does wonders for my mood and makes it more likely for me to want sex because I can think clearly.

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Nicole Maginnis says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:09 am

Unfortunately I have not been intimate with my husband since having our daughter. The pain if a C Sec and my being uncomfortable with the while situation has been difficult. I do not feel okay with the baby in the same room nor do I feel okay if she starts crying in another room. It’s something I have to work on buy I am not sure I am ready for it yet. My husband is patient but I know he’s getting frustrated.

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Brandy says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:14 am

I love it when hubby takes the kids for awhile so I can do things for myself… like shower! When I feel better about how I look, and have had a break, I am so much more in the mood for a little adult time.

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Amanda T says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:19 am

Having hubby help out and getting our son to bed.

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Elizabeth P. says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:30 am

Love a little massage to get me in the mood!

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Sarah L. says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:35 am

Get some rest. As hard as that may be after having a baby, it’s important. When I’m exhausted I just can’t but if I can get even just a couple of hours of decent sleep I feel so much better!

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Jennifer says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:38 am

cuddling and relaxing together

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Heather B says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:48 am

What puts me in the mood is light touch massage.

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Jennifer says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:48 am

A patient husband and enough sleep for mama! It’s hard to be interested if your eyes won’t stay open.

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angela says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:49 am

I love the humor suggestion! My hubby is a crazy guy, and it’s fun to just go along with it sometimes- He’ll always make me laugh!

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Rhawnie Gonzalez says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:52 am

Take it slow

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Heather B says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:55 am

Light touch massage puts me in the mood.

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Roxanne W says:

February 14, 2014 at 12:02 pm

I think looking forward to trying new things helps with the mood

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Colleen says:

February 14, 2014 at 12:02 pm

What puts me in the mood? Real clothes, lol. It sounds ridiculous but I’m a SAHM and I spend most of my days in PJ pants and T-shirts, and my husband prefers comfy clothes when he’s home as well. Just putting on jeans and a shirt with some shape (and a real bra!) makes a world of difference in my feelings and intentions.

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Rachel R says:

February 14, 2014 at 12:05 pm

I have to be relaxed and not stressed out!

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Jessica says:

February 14, 2014 at 12:11 pm

My husband taking time to “warm up” and not just wanting sex right away puts me in the mood.

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Heidi Stane says:

February 14, 2014 at 12:53 pm

A nice back massage puts me in the mood. 😉

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Joanna Garcia says:

February 14, 2014 at 12:55 pm

Def communication is key and time for each other, do not make me feel like a slave in the house and all i am is the caretaker LOL help me out and you will get reciprocated greatly! thats my advice!

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Mechelle Lehman says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:04 pm

Be patient and start with listening and snuggling. Even if you are too tired for sex you can still share a quiet snuggle at the end of the day.

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Mechelle Lehman says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:06 pm

Feelings wanted puts me in the mood. Feeling like he wants to be with me and not just “get off”. A simple hug and kiss while I’m making dinner… a grope even. Being told how much he wants to be with me even if we only have energy for a cuddle.

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cherrelle meyer-webber says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:10 pm

Seeing my husband being sweet and fun with our girls is so sexy to me.

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Kim says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:13 pm

My hubby helping out a little extra and trying for a 3rd baby doesn’t hurt either

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Christine M says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:14 pm

Little unexpected surprises like putting away things, doing an extra chore, something I do everyday that I can skip today 🙂

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LeighAnn says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:15 pm

A nice full body massage with some lavender scented coconut oil always works

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Tamara sparks says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:28 pm

Help with the kids and house….. Candles……. Massage….. Relaxation. 🙂

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Lolli S says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:36 pm

When my husband helps out around the house and when he tells me I am beautiful.

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Audra says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:36 pm

Getting enough rest!

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Kassandra says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:44 pm

A nice warm bath and massage then just try different positions to figure out what works.

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Chely F. says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:46 pm

a romantic dinnere!

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Larissa says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:47 pm

Seeing my hubby work so hard to provide for our family

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Deidrea H. says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:47 pm

A lil tequila and feeling pretty 🙂

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Jutta P. says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:51 pm

I find that having a quiet, clean house where I can decompress for a little bit really puts me in the mood. A nice warm bath and an essential oil back rub are awesome too!

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Leann L says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:52 pm

Definitely when he gives me a massage.

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Leslee says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:54 pm

Cuddling with my SO

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Kelly Kerr says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:56 pm

Long hugs, slow dancing

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Nici r says:

February 14, 2014 at 1:57 pm

When my husband puts the kids to bed!

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Christy says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:00 pm

Nothing…yet

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Ani W says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:01 pm

I dont have any tips.. its been a while since I have had a baby! But I am about to have to figure this out!

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Kellie says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:01 pm

An uninterrupted back rub!

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felicia says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:07 pm

sleep!

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Chabree says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:19 pm

A sweet nudge after help with anything in around the house. Not just asking for it.

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Lisa says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:23 pm

Husband being helpful and also his patience; I don’t like being pushing into it.

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Genavie Hess says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:23 pm

Flirting/heavy petting with the hubby throughout the day…gets us in the mood for when we can have our alone time once the baby is asleep

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meg says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:24 pm

being flirted with without expectation ;]

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April P says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:24 pm

Non-sexual touch from my hubby helps me know he’s still interested in me and not just for sex. That and him helping me around the house without me asking.

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Liz says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:28 pm

non-sexual touching helps!

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Sam C says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:28 pm

Nothing really puts me in the mood.. I feel so sorry for my sig other! Breastfeeding is keeping any and all hormones away that would make me want to do anything with him.

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Erin T says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:29 pm

Nice back rub, or after some relaxing mommy time!

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Danielle says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:31 pm

The little things, like having help around the house and small touches if I am making dinner or things like that.

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Jessica Rodenbaugh says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:34 pm

Seeing my husband be a great dad

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Kelsey S. says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:40 pm

Nothing puts me in the mood like a nice back rub from my husband!

Reply
Aimee says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:40 pm

Flirt. All. Day. Long. I often forget to flirt with my husband and not only will it make me feel better but it will make him feel wanted which we need since we both work a disgusting amount and have a 3 month old.

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Peggy T says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:41 pm

Tip for better sex after baby: honestly, I don’t have one!… Which is why I am reading these posts by Jeremy and Jessica. We. Need. Help.

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JILL LASLEY says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:44 pm

When he acts like he cant resist me 🙂

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1. Gwen Siercks says:
  
  February 14, 2014 at 5:20 pm
  
  A massage
  
  Reply
Ariana Burgess says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:47 pm

Soft touches, caressing, kissing and hugging.

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Lauren p says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:48 pm

I think it’s important not to feel pressured. When I feel like it is not expected, that’s when I’m the most interested!

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Rachel says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:50 pm

When my husband helps take care of the baby so I can have some me time.

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Kristyn A says:

February 14, 2014 at 2:55 pm

Having some good quality time always puts me in the mood.

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Katie says:

February 14, 2014 at 3:00 pm

Having my hubby play with the kids so I can get some rest puts me in the mood for sex.

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Elizabeth says:

February 14, 2014 at 3:00 pm

Not feeling run down and touched-out

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Amanda Y says:

February 14, 2014 at 3:01 pm

Loving words, acknowledgment of my hard work, and help around the house/with the kids puts me in the mood.

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Diana Cote says:

February 14, 2014 at 3:04 pm

My husband telling me i do a great job, helping out and being a sweet daddy or giving me a massage, he was awesome when my daughter was born, he would clean, cook, get things for me.. he always said he felt so helpless because i gave her everything she needed, he changed her diapers and took care of us…. that was so sweet. he was really good about not pushing me and trying to make me comfortable and we could stop whenever so there was no pressure. 😀

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Victoria F says:

February 14, 2014 at 3:17 pm

My husband and a clean house.

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Ashley Suzanne says:

February 14, 2014 at 3:24 pm

Love the doing help around the house and clean sheets : )

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Anne b says:

February 14, 2014 at 3:32 pm

Hubby when he is playful but not intending to be sexual

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Heatherl says:

February 14, 2014 at 3:47 pm

A day off!

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Samantha Melton says:

February 14, 2014 at 3:51 pm

I had c-sections with my last 2 so I’m worried about how sex after a vbac will be with this one.

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Leona B says:

February 14, 2014 at 3:52 pm

Just love in general. When there is a brief moment, where the children are asleep, and we get to cuddle and gently touch eachother, it puts me in the mood 🙂 We actually can’t cuddle anymore without it turning into something else LOL

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Laura says:

February 14, 2014 at 3:55 pm

Having some help with baby, house, work etc, because it shows he is paying attention to ALL my needs.

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Amanda Fuentes says:

February 14, 2014 at 4:04 pm

I think the thing that puts me in the mood the most is when hubby helps me with all the household duties: Laundry, dishes, dinner, calming DD, and once she’s in bed for the night he will wrap his arms around me and hug me really tight for a very long time and kiss me like he means it. Not just the quick pop-kiss, but a long, slow, deep kiss. Yeah…that does it. 🙂

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Sara says:

February 14, 2014 at 4:08 pm

A nice home cook meal with some wine and the baby sleeping. Add in some candles and chocolate and I’m set

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Angela Rhodes Ingles says:

February 14, 2014 at 4:16 pm

I love it when my husband cooks for me – nothing sexier. 🙂

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Carli says:

February 14, 2014 at 4:25 pm

Kissing and lots of it!

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Kara P says:

February 14, 2014 at 4:37 pm

Sleep and a shower! I can’t feel sexy when I haven’t showered in days and I can barely keep my eyes open.

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Leigh says:

February 14, 2014 at 4:43 pm

Not be exhausted + having had five minutes to my self + kind and helpful husband.
And hardest to get, a little privacy.

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Kylee Price says:

February 14, 2014 at 4:50 pm

ANYTHING!

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Annie says:

February 14, 2014 at 4:58 pm

I love watching the way my husband cares for our children especially our babies!

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Savy Jo says:

February 14, 2014 at 4:59 pm

Watching my husband snuggle our baby so I can have alone time after he gets off work.

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Tracie D says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:05 pm

When I come home to a clean house. 🙂

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Tracy Gordon says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:07 pm

Getting a back rub from my hubby! I always tell him he has magic fingers!

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Yolanda Flores says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:07 pm

A nice massage would put me in the mood

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Michelle says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:08 pm

Having an understanding partner that things are weird and different after having a baby is key for me. Awkwardness will happen. Things won’t feel the same. But it’s ok!

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Kristi says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:11 pm

What gets me in the mood is a sweet text from my partner during the day. Just knowing he’s thinking about me and looking forward to seeing me makes me happy.

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Katie D in LBK says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:11 pm

At the moment, not much.

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Jennifer Stone says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:11 pm

Being rested helps me! Lacking that, hugs, talking, and a back rub!

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Amelia Jarvis says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:11 pm

When my husband does simple things for me. Making dinner, Bringing home flowers, Small things make the biggest impact!

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KarrieAnn says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:11 pm

A helpful partner is a happy partner! Having just a few less responsibilities puts me in the mood… You did dishes? DONE!

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Robyn Mast says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:12 pm

Putting on lingerie always helps me get in the mood if I’m not there yet!

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Heather n Roberto says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:12 pm

When’s husband helps me with cleaning and cooking ;). Sexiest thing ever.

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amanda says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:13 pm

When my hubby rubs my back in the middle of the night or just catches me off guard. 🙂

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Laura Russell says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:14 pm

A massage puts me in the mood.

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Amanda S says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:15 pm

Little surprises and random acts of kindness!

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Carla Ladd says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:21 pm

When hubby helps share the “work” load at home it takes the pressure off me, and gives me space to breathe. And fuels my desire for him 🙂

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Leigh A says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:23 pm

Porn. It helps to get in the mood.

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Nikki C. says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:24 pm

Playfulness!

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Kelly Placek says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:32 pm

What puts me in the mood? Taking a shower & spending one on one time with my husband after the toddler has gone to bed. Having the dishes washed for me doesn’t hurt either 😉

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Meghan W. says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:32 pm

A nice shoulder rub!

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Loraine says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:33 pm

Kissing, cuddling, laughing and sometimes a couple of libations! Those are some things that help to set the mood!

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Kathleen D. says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:40 pm

I need the right mindset and to have the kids asleep or occupied.

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Elena says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:43 pm

A clean house and a nice movie.

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Danielle says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:44 pm

When my husband helps out and gives me an evening off or getting a good nights rest!

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Heidi fritz says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:44 pm

Flirting

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natasha says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:45 pm

seeing my husband love on my boys makes me want to love on him… just giving me a time to breath and watch is the best thing ever!

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Stacie M says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:47 pm

Seeing husband help out with the kids and also around the house in general. Not only is it wonderful to have the help but it also means I will have more energy for some one on one time with him 😉

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Amy says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:47 pm

Getting sleep and help with house work.

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rachel says:

February 14, 2014 at 5:52 pm

feeling emotionally connected and sleeping children puts me in the mood!

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yvette says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:07 pm

When my hubby helps me get the kids to bed and the evening chores done. Then maybe i’m able to relax a little before we get to bed at a decent hour and i’m not completely exhausted 🙂

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Christine C says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:08 pm

The only thing that gets me in the mood is another person. Since baby our relationship has gone downhill faster than the Olympic skiing team!

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Katelyn Rodriguez says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:10 pm

When my hubby listens and responds to my needs

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Katherine Dixon says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:12 pm

Wine gets me in the mood! 🙂 as does being stress free.

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Krista G says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:12 pm

What gets me in the mood is when my husband is affectionate and gives me a little back rub first.

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Darrlene says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:13 pm

11-16 are so important!!!!

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amanda cain says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:18 pm

A massage gets me in the mood

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Brittany H says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:21 pm

I think what puts me in the mood nowadays (with a 2 year old and 2 month old) is a peaceful bedtime routine, which my husband helps with. When my 2 year old takes an hour to fall asleep, and pushes each of my proverbial buttons, it puts me in a bad headspace and sexy time just isn’t going to happen.

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Darrlene says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:22 pm

Everything puts me in the mood 😛

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Kayla says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:23 pm

Kisses 🙂

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Kim N says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:26 pm

The little things like no technology and just pure communication

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Kelsey Robinson says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:27 pm

My hubby!

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Jaqualine says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:32 pm

For me the biggest thing is to be aware of when I’m most tired and initiate before then. Instead of right before bed, right after baby goes to bed!:)

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Carla Leiran says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:42 pm

Being clean and rested

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jessica vieths says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:46 pm

A good nights rest and some red wine

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Kim says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:46 pm

Making time

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Sarah says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:46 pm

Let me come to you lol

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Hilary says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:46 pm

A relaxed body and mind.

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Rachael says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:55 pm

When the baby goes to sleep early without a fuss and my so and I can actually talk.

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Andrea Palmer says:

February 14, 2014 at 6:57 pm

making sure i have water for nursing sessions on hand, offering to change diapers, helping with meal prep…. it all goes a long way!

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Cydnee Pletcher says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:00 pm

A shower all by myself gets me in the mood almost instantly haha!

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Nicole says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:01 pm

My husband helping out around the house or with the kids.

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Ally says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:03 pm

A relaxing massage and lots of wine.

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Anna Q says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:04 pm

When the baby is sleeping after a relaxing day without any crying…

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Leslie Mayol says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:04 pm

Seeing him clean the house or wash the dishes or play with the kids…

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Courtney Morgan says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:08 pm

when my hubby is extra thoughtful or does something without being asked LoL

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Christina says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:09 pm

The best is being rested and then able to take a long shower!

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Rebekah says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:15 pm

Being relaxed.

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libby says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:16 pm

in general, helping me out with the baby during the day without being asked!

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Heather Oaster says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:17 pm

A good night’s sleep and my husband helping out with our little one. (:

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Amy Hegwood says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:17 pm

What puts me in the mood is both kids in bed asleep, the house clean, and I’m still awake! Lol

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Katie K says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:20 pm

When my husband cleans the house without me asking or helps extra with the kids so I can relax is what puts me in the mood!

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katyjane says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:22 pm

Alcohol, a hot shower, and a lock on my bedroom door!

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Lindsay Graham says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:23 pm

Time and touch (not necessarily sensual)

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Jennifer Hubbs says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:24 pm

My husband offering to help with with things around the house- dishes, laundry, or cleaning the bathroom!! 🙂

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Meredith says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:27 pm

thank you for this.. really! Gives me hope 🙂

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Sarah K says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:29 pm

Touch

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sarah Kankiewicz says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:31 pm

It differs for me. I have PCOS so when my hormones are in alignment backrubs, cuddling, pron movies, ext work wonders. But when I’m all wacked out hubby can try everything and still nothing works! Poor man :/

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Maureen G. says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:33 pm

My hubby puts me in the mood when he makes our little one laugh out loud and gets down on the floor to play like a total goof ball with him. Also when he takes the initiative to put him to sleep (as it often has to be me nursing him) and when he puts the diapers in the dryer and then folds them and puts them away without me realizing. 🙂

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Kendra Owen says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:35 pm

A nice back rub from my husband!

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Meredith says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:37 pm

nothing right now 🙁 7weeks PP and still healing

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Kara smith says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:37 pm

A really good passionate kiss…

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Christy says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:38 pm

I don’t like to plan. I love when he surprises me and reaches across the bed to caress me.

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Tiffany C says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:40 pm

Everything you said in #10, 14, & 16

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Jenny Otting says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:43 pm

I get in the mood when my husband kisses me and gives me compliments.

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Grace G says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:43 pm

Getting sleep and feeling like an equal partner-when my hubby takes time to do things I would normally do.

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Zina says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:46 pm

A sleeping baby and back massage

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Ami says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:47 pm

When he makes me laugh.

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andrea kleist says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:48 pm

What puts me in the mood is when the kids are in bed and I have time to unwind.

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beth says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:50 pm

Take it slow. Use lots of lube and plenty of foreplay. Have fun together.

I cant wait for the mommycon event we have our tickets and am looking forward to this topic.

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Mary Bushling says:

February 14, 2014 at 7:59 pm

Intimacy prior to actually sex is what helps keep our marriage interesting.

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Laura Vara says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:00 pm

I haven´t really had a baby yet to share tips, but I love reading what other people say so I can be prepared and would assume that good communication is the key. I am lucky that I have a very understanding and loving husband who gets creative and we always enjoy ourselves and I am sure that will be until we get so old we can barely move, lol. (I HOPE) Great blog post.

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Laura Vara says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:02 pm

Oh by the way, what sets us in mood is the music. Somehow it is always the music and joking around earlier. We are a goofy couple and I guess that´s part of why we love each other so much.

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Genevieve O. says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:03 pm

First time mom here, due in May. It’s helpful to hear these tips now! Than you for sharing, ladies!

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Sarah K says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:05 pm

Wine and low lighting.

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Betsy says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:09 pm

A good night’s sleep

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Amber says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:13 pm

When my hubby takes me out for a date and I’m not distracted with other stuff we need to do at home

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Debbie says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:14 pm

Sleep!

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Emmalee k says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:21 pm

I’m not totally sure of this, I do like when my hubs makes intriguing comments & cute/sexy glances 🙂

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serena says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:24 pm

#7 is a big one for me – never thought I’d say it but having the dishes done and a clean-ish house helps me get in the mood.

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Rebekka m says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:29 pm

My husband puts me in the mood, ear nibbles are the best!!

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Emily r says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:35 pm

A nice back massage.

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Thera says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:35 pm

Still working on getting our “adult” lives back but I guess we figured it out enough as baby #2 is due in July.

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Tate says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:37 pm

Dancing!

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casey r says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:42 pm

having time when i know there won’t be a kid interrupting us… like when i put on a movie for them 😉

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c. says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:43 pm

Having had enough time to myself to unwind and relax.

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Alyson Atkins says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:45 pm

What puts me in the mood is when I am allowed to have a nap and a shower alone.

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Nikki says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:46 pm

Finding some “me” time or getting to catch up on sleep. Then a sleeping baby – and anytime I get to relax and affection like a massage.

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dorothy says:

February 14, 2014 at 8:57 pm

being relaxed and not being asked for it

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Aimee says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:01 pm

Being well rested? I’d say it doesn’t so much put me in the mood as facilitate being in one, but essential nonetheless.

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Lauren says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:09 pm

Sleep!

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Laura Winstead says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:10 pm

My husband is amazingly supportive. Usually post him changing her after a good nursing time is when the baby is happy and swings herself to sweet while we do our married people stuff. My tip? ALWAYS love on your husband for the being the amazing dad he is. Most any man can father a child only the amazing ones are dads.

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Shauna says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:10 pm

Good kiss and the right touch.

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Sasha says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:14 pm

Sleep! When I am too tired I just can’t get in the mood.

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Sarah says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:16 pm

In the mood….nice massage and kisses!

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Katherine says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:18 pm

Warm bath, glass of wine, patience and taking it slow.

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Asha says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:20 pm

My significant other and I are very open about sex. I’m turned on by a bit of verbal sexual aggression. I like that he’ll come in the room and just tell me that he wants it right then and there, honestly, I usually want it just as bad!

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Laura Carr says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:25 pm

What puts me in the mood? A foot massage!

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Erica says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:30 pm

Having a supportive partner

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Jessica Anne says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:36 pm

His smile

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lana says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:36 pm

having him getting up to the baby at night helps to catch up on your rest

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Amanda says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:39 pm

Just being with my husband and knowing he works so hard to provide for our family and to make me happy.

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Sarah S says:

February 14, 2014 at 9:52 pm

Space, no one touching me for a while, and a little help with my miles-long to-do list.

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Jennifer Hensley says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:08 pm

Kids in bed and kisses on the neck

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Amy Kat Cooper says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:19 pm

A kind gesture (putting the babies to bed while I take some time to relax, comes to mind!) always puts me in the mood!

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suzanne says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:23 pm

Just being cleaned, showered, and well rested.

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Amy Perkins says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:25 pm

I think what does the most is getting some quiet time!

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Amber L. says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:34 pm

When my husband helps with dishes and housework!

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Kristen V says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:46 pm

A back rub

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jessamyn says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:49 pm

kids asleep, hubby not!

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jessica fletcher says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:55 pm

What puts me in the mood is sleeping baby and a glass of wine!

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Courtney says:

February 14, 2014 at 10:56 pm

Flirting and affection.

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Somdad Vang says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:02 pm

A good nights rest & the time to relax.

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Simone Ariri says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:06 pm

a little extra attention/affection, cuddling without the expectation of sex goes a long way for me.

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ldoepker says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:26 pm

When my husband comes be hind me and just little tockes my neck and arm

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Michele Rodocker says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:29 pm

Good ol’ fashion kissing puts me in the mood. Even when I think I’m too tired, or not in the mood. He starts kissing on me and doesn’t stop and bam! I’m ready to go!

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Andreea Talpos says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:31 pm

I tend to get in the mood when the hubby helps around the house and with the baby and makes me feel appreciated

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Amanda H says:

February 14, 2014 at 11:50 pm

My husband making an extra effort to be sweet or help me with the kids, around the house, etc. puts me in the mood

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Nicole U says:

February 15, 2014 at 12:13 am

Flirting! Thanks for the chance to win 🙂

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Megan says:

February 15, 2014 at 12:15 am

Having some time to myself before sex.

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sarah says:

February 15, 2014 at 12:29 am

I wish I knew. It’s a rough thing for us right now.

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One Southern Girl says:

February 15, 2014 at 12:34 am

Don’t know yet… 🙂

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Madison C. says:

February 15, 2014 at 1:00 am

What puts me in the mood is when my husband compliments me.

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Bethanie H says:

February 15, 2014 at 1:21 am

When my husband spends time with the kids, helps me out around the house without me feeling like I have to nah him to take out the trash, and when he flirts with me.

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Chelsea Mitchell says:

February 15, 2014 at 2:23 am

A massage these days turns up the heat!

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Araceli Abrego says:

February 15, 2014 at 2:32 am

I get in the mood when my husband tells me he loves me and just hugs me with out asking for something in return!

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Joanne L. says:

February 15, 2014 at 2:45 am

What turns me on, other than my husband helping out at home, is reading erotica. I’ve got to imagine sexy things to help get in the mood.

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Margaret Kaira says:

February 15, 2014 at 2:57 am

A good nights sleep, a quiet house,baby sleeping deeply!!!

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Amanda Burkholder says:

February 15, 2014 at 3:41 am

Make time for each other. Go on a date atleast once a month to get your alone adult time with each other.

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Kaitlyn says:

February 15, 2014 at 4:16 am

Time! Energy! Kids sleeping!

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Emily tyler says:

February 15, 2014 at 4:33 am

Great

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Kerri says:

February 15, 2014 at 4:39 am

A little foreplay always puts me in the mood!

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Amber Alexander says:

February 15, 2014 at 5:18 am

These days, sleep!

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Patti Daniel says:

February 15, 2014 at 5:50 am

Getting help around the house. When I’m happy and not so tired, I’m ready to go!

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Brittany says:

February 15, 2014 at 7:02 am

I am so glad you touched on people forcing their significant others. I have not ever experienced that with my husband but have in the past and I cannot imagine it after a baby.

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Joie B says:

February 15, 2014 at 7:15 am

Hormone surge with 3rd trimester so pretty much everything hubby does lol

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Kelle says:

February 15, 2014 at 7:18 am

I am in the mood when I am not tired…lol…so if I can fit in a small nap during the day to be rested that helps! 🙂

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laraleigh says:

February 15, 2014 at 7:19 am

Flirting, sexy texts, etc really help me know my husband is in the mood and helps me be there too.

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jessika says:

February 15, 2014 at 7:22 am

Honestly, it is best for me if my husband is in the mood during the day, before I’m exhausted during our baby’s daytime nap. We are working on trying to get on a more similar schedule, which is hard during his last semester before graduating. We are doing pretty well, as long as we don’t procrastinate.. lol.

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Elinor says:

February 15, 2014 at 7:25 am

Love this article, I am definitely going to use these ideas. Unfortunately I don’t have any tips of my own as this has been a great struggle for me and my husband ;(

Reply
1. Elinor says:
  
  February 15, 2014 at 7:29 am
  
  The tip I liked most however is that one needs to realize that availability is not what it once was!!
  
  Reply
rachel smith says:

February 15, 2014 at 7:59 am

a sleeping baby

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Katie L says:

February 15, 2014 at 8:06 am

LOTS of flirting is definitely a big turn-on for me. Also sexy kisses on the back of the neck. 🙂

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Angela says:

February 15, 2014 at 8:22 am

My husband.period. he is wonderful at this.

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Ashley T says:

February 15, 2014 at 8:43 am

Foreplay

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april lechwar says:

February 15, 2014 at 8:47 am

Kissing always does the trick

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Michelle S. says:

February 15, 2014 at 9:28 am

massages!

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tabatha says:

February 15, 2014 at 9:37 am

what puts me in the mood — simple sweetness.. brush my hair out of my face, back rub any kind of contact 🙂 although most of the time you just fit it in when you can! lol 🙂

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Lindsay H says:

February 15, 2014 at 9:40 am

Seeing my husband in super sweet “daddy mode” definitely turns me on lol. Like when he is rocking a baby and singing lullabies?!? Swoon.

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christine k says:

February 15, 2014 at 9:48 am

Currently, nothing. Absolutely nothing. I get pissed when DH even wants anything. If it’s more than a hug, I don’t want anything to do with it… including kisses. Poor guy.

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Marie berlongieri says:

February 15, 2014 at 9:50 am

My husband puts me in the mood

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Yuhwen says:

February 15, 2014 at 9:52 am

Not being exhausted and having time to romance novels.

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Jen Leonard says:

February 15, 2014 at 9:56 am

Snuggles with my hubby!

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Carly Brown says:

February 15, 2014 at 10:06 am

A nice relaxing massage from my partner does the trick.

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Jessica Hughes says:

February 15, 2014 at 10:08 am

Right now? Nothing, sadly. Though being silly and laughing with my husband works better than anything, typically. =)

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Ashley says:

February 15, 2014 at 10:10 am

Talking about it for as long as possible and what we want seems to do the trick 🙂

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Kim says:

February 15, 2014 at 10:15 am

What puts me in the mood? Ugh, not much at nearly 32 weeks pregnant these days! A nice back rub and a clean house that wasn’t cleaned by me would probably be his ideal place to start, if I want to sound like a cliche though.

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SB says:

February 15, 2014 at 10:34 am

Sharing quiet time with my husband that is filled with sweet, soft, and gentle caressing does it for me.

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Pauline W says:

February 15, 2014 at 10:47 am

Being well rested and not stressed puts me in the mood

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krystal says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:07 am

Insomnia puts me in the mood 😛

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C. Crump says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:09 am

Deleting stress- clean house, a sleeping baby, time to think and be alone for a few minutes

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Brianne says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:19 am

I agree you can’t force it. I feel like after our first I had a hard time being comfortable with my bodies changes but now after 3 kids we have the best sex life we have ever had.

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Heather Mendez says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:28 am

Go very very slow after,and lots of lubrication 🙂

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Alex says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:38 am

great article! We are expecting our first in a few short weeks and this is something that we’ve talked about a lot. Thanks for the tips and advice!

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Jana Inkpen says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:42 am

Patience

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Bonnie says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:44 am

Kissing

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Lucy S says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:45 am

Sometimes just a nice relaxing day together is enough!

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Jacy says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:48 am

Alone time with my husband. It’s very hard to get when he works nights.

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Cristin says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:49 am

Great tips! Flirting all day is great for us!

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Amanda Mita says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:54 am

Time together!

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Beth P. says:

February 15, 2014 at 12:11 pm

A night out.

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Ashley Marie Smith says:

February 15, 2014 at 12:23 pm

Hehe wine 😉

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Michelle S. says:

February 15, 2014 at 12:24 pm

I’m most excited about the cosleeper and the milkmakers!!

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Mary Catherine White says:

February 15, 2014 at 1:08 pm

When my husband shows me how sexy he thinks I still am

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Rachel says:

February 15, 2014 at 1:09 pm

I think some of the great answers such as sleep and wine are exactly what I’d need!

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Amber S says:

February 15, 2014 at 1:11 pm

Gentle loving kisses <3

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Allison says:

February 15, 2014 at 1:40 pm

Help with the baby. Help clean up. Give me a massage. Make me feel loved. Pick one!

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Nora says:

February 15, 2014 at 2:03 pm

Touching without the expectation of lovin’

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lisa gonzalez says:

February 15, 2014 at 2:05 pm

To be in the mood I need the kids in bed quick and the baby asleep and I have to NOT be exhausted. Seriously that’s all I need. Haha

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Grace Weed says:

February 15, 2014 at 2:38 pm

My sexy husband puts me in the mood…always!!

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Devyn says:

February 15, 2014 at 2:53 pm

Flirting! My favorite thing is flirting with my husband all day, just little things, and then finally getting to be with him at the end of the day. The build up makes it fun 🙂

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Maggie says:

February 15, 2014 at 3:02 pm

Feeling like a women and not a SAHM in pajamas. A nice date out with no kids.

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Regina Wright says:

February 15, 2014 at 3:14 pm

A good massage after a hot bath.

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danielle jones says:

February 15, 2014 at 3:18 pm

I am about 10months PP and have gotten almost my full libido back, so it can be anything small like a kiss in the right spot to get me ‘there’.

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Ashley says:

February 15, 2014 at 3:27 pm

All of these! It always helps!

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Melissa Decroteau says:

February 15, 2014 at 4:08 pm

Just being relaxed and having some time

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maxine says:

February 15, 2014 at 4:14 pm

Good post! Give us all a little bit of hope 🙂

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Lauren says:

February 15, 2014 at 5:00 pm

What puts me in the mood? When he tries to woo me. Flirting, touch, and alone time go a long way with me!

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Kaleena L. says:

February 15, 2014 at 5:02 pm

Going slow. Foreplay. Laughing. Enjoying each other’s comment and really being in the moment. Ooh la la! 😉

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rebecca lopez says:

February 15, 2014 at 5:03 pm

when he compliments me, or when baby is sleeping and we can just lay together and kiss

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Anna Pry says:

February 15, 2014 at 5:03 pm

I get in the mood when the house is clean and the kids are happily playing together, even better if hubby helped me make that happen

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Katy G says:

February 15, 2014 at 5:40 pm

Definitely flirting throughout the day. It’s the best!!

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Amy Li says:

February 15, 2014 at 6:01 pm

Having a husband who is a true partner.

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Jennifer Shull says:

February 15, 2014 at 6:11 pm

Just having enough sleep.

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Rachel Kate says:

February 15, 2014 at 6:49 pm

Having a shower and a good night’s sleep definitely helps. Not having little ones trying to share our bed makes it even better.

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Hanna J says:

February 15, 2014 at 7:32 pm

What puts me in a mood is when I feel sexy about myself and when i put sexy lingerie under the clothes

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Liana W. says:

February 15, 2014 at 7:37 pm

We’ve struggled after our second baby. He’s 5.5 months now, and I still have a hard time giving myself to my husband. (My hormones/emotions are a lot more jumbled than with our first.) One thing that is pretty necessary for me right now, is him starting the foreplay and being patient.

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Tina says:

February 15, 2014 at 8:38 pm

a back rub, especially when given just because with no expectations

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Jessi says:

February 15, 2014 at 8:43 pm

Snuggling with out sexy touching,making out and or just spending actual time together with no technology!

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Erin says:

February 15, 2014 at 9:11 pm

Feeling understood, heard

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Sara says:

February 15, 2014 at 9:28 pm

When he tells me how sexy he thinks I am.

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Lauren says:

February 15, 2014 at 9:56 pm

drinking a glass of wine really helps me not be so concerned about all the other things going on around thehouse

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Nicole says:

February 15, 2014 at 9:59 pm

Full body massage.

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Emily A says:

February 15, 2014 at 10:12 pm

When he helps around the house and gives me much needed time to decompress.

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Thuy says:

February 15, 2014 at 10:36 pm

When my husband is being really sweet!!! 🙂

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kerri says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:01 pm

Having the hubby go above and beyond in little ways (like bring home dinner without me asking or running out the trash/recycling).

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Susan sumner says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:24 pm

And all this time I thought I was alone on this

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Juliana says:

February 15, 2014 at 11:47 pm

Wine, but only when very well rested and when I’m nice n smooth, legs shaved etc. lol

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Esther says:

February 16, 2014 at 2:09 am

my husband

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Riley Romatz says:

February 16, 2014 at 3:27 am

A nice scalp massage… My favorite!

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Cindy B says:

February 16, 2014 at 3:58 am

My hubby spending time with our boys, bonus if it’s so I can rest or do something I enjoy.

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Lauren N says:

February 16, 2014 at 7:33 am

Wine and chocolate is always nice!!

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JJ says:

February 16, 2014 at 9:42 am

Massage from my husband and wine.

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Heidi says:

February 16, 2014 at 10:55 am

When I’m not tired or stressed! So a break helps!

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Savannah Logan says:

February 16, 2014 at 1:15 pm

I’m still at the point where all my husband has to do is walk into a room, crack a smile and I’m already melting.
newly weds (:

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Taleisha says:

February 16, 2014 at 5:24 pm

Knowing that my partner loves me and is “with” me.

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Monica* says:

February 16, 2014 at 5:24 pm

Having quiet time together after the kids are in bed and also flirting during the day and during the madness of getting home, cleaning up, cooking dinner, playing with the kids and the bedtime routine. Knowing we will have some fun after we make it through. )If we make it through awake that is! 😉 )

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jennifer a. says:

February 16, 2014 at 6:16 pm

We struggled before baby. She’s 9 mos old and we have yet to be physical again. What turns me on is when he turns off his anxiety and work-mind, showing me his gooey feelings and being vulnerable. Hopefully, we’ll find a balance and time and connection we need to get busy. Whee!

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Sonia says:

February 16, 2014 at 6:28 pm

A massage always works

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Lily says:

February 16, 2014 at 6:31 pm

Sounds weird but a nice quit night that is stress free calms me down and that’s when I can get in the mood

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Candice farrell says:

February 16, 2014 at 6:52 pm

When my husband is really in the mood 🙂 that means he really wants me

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Melyn Henderson says:

February 16, 2014 at 7:16 pm

When the baby is asleep and the house is semi-clean!

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Katie says:

February 16, 2014 at 7:28 pm

Him being present. He’s great at playing with the kids, but usually shuts off emotionally at the end of the day.

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Elinor says:

February 16, 2014 at 7:37 pm

When my husband compliments me in general and also on my mothering of our son !!

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TG says:

February 16, 2014 at 7:39 pm

spending time together connecting.

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Julie says:

February 16, 2014 at 7:42 pm

I need sweet touches during the day to help me get in the mood. Then once the kids are sleeping, we can focus on each other.

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Chanda says:

February 16, 2014 at 7:57 pm

When my husband helps with housework/laundry/cooking! It is such a relief to be reminded that I am not in this alone!

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Eva Lepe says:

February 16, 2014 at 8:06 pm

Spend time alone with my hubby

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Chrissy says:

February 16, 2014 at 8:39 pm

Both babies sleeping while my hubs is home!

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marie says:

February 16, 2014 at 8:57 pm

a good night’s sleep and a shower with no one banging on the door 🙂

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Alicia says:

February 16, 2014 at 9:34 pm

What puts me in the mood? It varies day to day, but one thing that will usually do it is knowing that he’s in the mood… a touch, smile, comment from him to let me know he’s interested.

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Courtney F says:

February 16, 2014 at 9:40 pm

A glass or two of wine, and a sweet massage from hubby help me out 🙂

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Corinne says:

February 16, 2014 at 9:43 pm

A clean house and a happy baby!

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Joey Wright says:

February 16, 2014 at 10:04 pm

Helping my wife put lotion on. A great massage.

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Grace Sorparu says:

February 16, 2014 at 10:05 pm

Some wine and getting my back scratched

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Taylor says:

February 16, 2014 at 11:10 pm

Dirty talking and an all over massage do the trick for me, especially when combined

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Stephanie says:

February 17, 2014 at 12:12 am

When my husband is supportive, affectionate and loving I’m in the mood. 🙂

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Jennifer says:

February 17, 2014 at 12:43 am

naptime! haha no seriously. knowing that my husband is still attracted to me and that we have uninterrupted time to enjoy each other can put me in the mood instantly…. unless im in ‘DO’ mode, then it takes a backrub!

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Elizabeth C says:

February 17, 2014 at 1:09 am

Honestly, I’m pretty much always in the mood. I’ve always had a very healthy libido, but I also have nearly zero self-esteem so it is hard for me to express my feelings. And my husband and I tend to be slightly out of sync with our drives and that has been made worse by having children because of timing issues. That and my deep and controlling fear that I’m just, for lack of a better way to put it, not good at it. :/

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Maria says:

February 17, 2014 at 10:27 am

It was hard to get used to keeping my mind off baby!

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Jennifer C says:

February 17, 2014 at 10:37 am

I’m not really sure. Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes its just when he’s being really nice.

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Jennifer says:

February 17, 2014 at 11:00 am

A good night’s sleep is more likely to put me in the mood than a long day with the kids.

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Natalie says:

February 17, 2014 at 11:17 am

A night of good sleep. 🙂

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Megan M says:

February 17, 2014 at 12:27 pm

Hugs, cuddles, and feeling like I’ve been a supportive wife can all put me in the mood.

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Madison says:

February 17, 2014 at 12:30 pm

My husband and I have been struggling with this lately. What I have found helps is to just stop stressing and bugging each other about it and let it happen naturally. It is much more enjoyable.

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Caroline says:

February 17, 2014 at 12:44 pm

Wine 😉

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Abby Carter says:

February 17, 2014 at 12:44 pm

Laughing with my husband puts me in the mood.

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Michelle E says:

February 17, 2014 at 12:47 pm

Not being afraid. I need to talk myself into it at first bc I am still uncomfortable after giving birth.

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Kristin mcclain says:

February 17, 2014 at 12:48 pm

Cuddling and spending alone time with my husband is turn on enough!

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Priscilla says:

February 17, 2014 at 12:55 pm

I think wine helps lol.. But flirting and help around the house also helps.

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Tyler Marie Check says:

February 17, 2014 at 1:01 pm

Usually something steamy on tv after a good day together

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Alison says:

February 17, 2014 at 1:04 pm

Figuring out what time works for you and your husband. If things get started at night and one is too tired, rest and try again in the morning before baby gets up! It makes it easier when you’re both ready and rested.

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Tressa says:

February 17, 2014 at 1:05 pm

When he does the dishes and cleans the house for me 🙂

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tina says:

February 17, 2014 at 1:06 pm

Flirting and communication are huge! Going and sitting on the couch to watch tv while I take care of our daughter definitely would not help things!

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Kara says:

February 17, 2014 at 1:07 pm

Definitely feel rested, and not stressed.

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Sarah N says:

February 17, 2014 at 1:18 pm

Cuddling, laughing together.

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Sarah Feliu says:

February 17, 2014 at 1:20 pm

There is this certain look my hubby gets when he looks at me..it gets me going every time!

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Isabella says:

February 17, 2014 at 1:25 pm

Thank you for impatience and forcing!! I’ve been told that you should just do it too but never understood that. Also like that comment about using coconut oil! 😉

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Kaitlin says:

February 17, 2014 at 1:34 pm

I’m in the mood when my husband helps around the house and with our son, so I’m not completely exhausted 🙂 We also try and have a sense of humor about everything.

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Christy says:

February 17, 2014 at 1:55 pm

A hot bath & a long massage. ❤️

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Bekah says:

February 17, 2014 at 2:03 pm

A passionate kiss. Always gets me in the mood.

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tonia says:

February 17, 2014 at 2:09 pm

Honestly, attention from my husband. “How was your day?” can go a long way, since most conversations are about money, kids, schedules, his job, etc…

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Amber says:

February 17, 2014 at 2:17 pm

Getting date nights again (after 4mos postpartum) has really helped us get into the mood. Having fun and laughing together!

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megan basore says:

February 17, 2014 at 2:32 pm

What puts me in the mood would be my husband making me feel beautiful.

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Sarah says:

February 17, 2014 at 2:40 pm

Being wanted and him wanting to give me a massage and just wanting to make me feel good.

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Erin says:

February 17, 2014 at 3:31 pm

Love the article. Patience was what helped us.

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Holly says:

February 17, 2014 at 4:08 pm

Quality time .

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Victoria Salcedo says:

February 17, 2014 at 4:31 pm

A clean house puts me in the mood! I’ll settle for a clean room though… lol

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Krista White says:

February 17, 2014 at 4:55 pm

My favorite is masturbation! So many people feel awkward about this topic, but it’s helped my boyfriend and I a lot since he is gone most of the time.

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Sea Monkey Mama says:

February 17, 2014 at 5:31 pm

So many great points, Leaky B@@b!! I second the comment above about lube in general and coconut oil specifically (unless condoms are your go-to birth control method…. DO NOT use coconut oil in that case!!). Sex after babies has certainly been a challenge for us, and we’re still working on it. Intentionality and space have been the number 1 helps in that arena.

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Melanie M. says:

February 17, 2014 at 5:36 pm

A glass of wine and a good back rub go a looooong way.

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Sarah Stroh Thornton says:

February 17, 2014 at 6:57 pm

having 15 minutes to myself in the shower first. Mostly to relax and think about my husband. Its a transition from being mom all day.

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1. Ashley says:
  
  February 21, 2014 at 8:13 pm
  
  Good idea
  
  Reply
Tiffany says:

February 17, 2014 at 7:48 pm

Good sleep, back rub, being silly together.

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Katie F says:

February 17, 2014 at 8:57 pm

When he helps with house work. LOL!

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joley says:

February 17, 2014 at 9:36 pm

A clean house 🙂

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Jenn says:

February 17, 2014 at 9:57 pm

When I get helped around the house or told thank you. It doesn’t take much.

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Kristine L says:

February 17, 2014 at 10:13 pm

what puts me in the mood is flirtation and foreplay.

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Nicole Maxwell says:

February 17, 2014 at 10:21 pm

I really enjoy when my husband and I flirt throughout the day, which may or may not end up leading to sex but more often than not it does. I think it helps build up that anticipation for each other over the course of the day so when you actually get the time to be with one another you can’t keep your hands off of each other.

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A.G. says:

February 17, 2014 at 10:33 pm

reliable birth control

Reply
Bianca hinksman says:

February 17, 2014 at 11:11 pm

When the baby is asleep, the house is clean and my husband and I are snuggled on the couch watching a movie <3

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Cassandra Eastman says:

February 18, 2014 at 12:17 am

There’s something sexy about a serious man… or when he helps with housework it definitely gets me in the mood!

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Samantha says:

February 18, 2014 at 3:30 am

When my hubby is super sweet with our daughter and spends quality time with her

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Veronica nunez says:

February 18, 2014 at 4:14 am

My trusty vibrator. Humor. Patience. In order of importance for us in sex after baby. Always takes the edge off especially when interrupted by a stirring baby.

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Terry Maigi says:

February 18, 2014 at 7:35 am

My husband helping with our little girl, doing dishes or laundry etc!

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kambria pruitt says:

February 18, 2014 at 8:58 am

When I come home from work and the house is clean and dinner is made puts me in the mood for sure!

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Jessica says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:02 am

Coconut oil, wine, and having hubby help me with the kids. That way we both have a little energy at the end of the day.

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Jessica says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:03 am

I find my husband the sexiest when he is helping me with things around the house so that I can focus on the kids.

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CHRISTINA LUTZ says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:03 am

I am in my third trimester and my libido is in over drive…. (weird i know!) so pretty much anything. especially when he cleans or helps with the kids. 🙂

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Kandace Odom says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:07 am

Idk.. I’m m 24 weeks with baby #3 and have no drive I feel so distant..

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Amanda says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:17 am

Plan ahead! It can be sexy and give you something to look forward to all day long.

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pamela hanson says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:30 am

Him helping around the house when its needed most. Or keeping the kids out of my haor ao I can finish dinner.

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Allison B says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:41 am

No housework hanging over my head and some heavy petting from the hubby.

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Tiffany says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:41 am

Being in a relaxed state of mind.

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Sarah Doremus says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:43 am

My tip is be gentle with yourself; don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go according to plan the first few times. Just enjoy the closeness with your partner and let that time be a relaxing, emotionally and romantically recharging and reconnecting time, sex or not.

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Bridget Stevens says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:44 am

What helps for me is when he is really “in the moment” with our son. I find him more and more attractive when he is simply being a good father.

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Sarah Doremus says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:45 am

What puts me in the mood? When my hubby acts super lovey and affectionate!!

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Laura says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:52 am

The sweet touch of my amazing husband.

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Lynsey Knisely says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:07 am

A hot shower (alone) and a back rub

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Kiira says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:08 am

I have a 6month old and have found it very difficult to plan ahead. Sex before our baby was frequent and spontaneous . . . Now it almost seems forced. Great points on finding time apart. I think that would be a benefit in any relationship.

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Heather H says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:10 am

feeling rested, relaxed and ovulation helps!

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KP says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:21 am

Flirting definitely helps! Sending each other steamy texts all day gets us ready for the night time. 🙂

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Ashley says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:27 am

Cuddling! And a surprise passionate kiss in the middle of the night.

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Courtney says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:37 am

Coconut oil!! Best sex tip out there.

Reply
Natashia says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:31 am

When my husband plays with our boys it warms my heart and reminds me why I fell in love with him to begin with. This makes me wanna jump him and try for baby number 3 lol

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Crystal M says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:57 am

a massage!

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Laura says:

February 18, 2014 at 12:30 pm

A glass of wine and time alone together to snuggle on the couch

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Stephanie Drost says:

February 18, 2014 at 12:30 pm

When he helps put the kids to bed

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Jen says:

February 18, 2014 at 1:37 pm

Go to bed early! Then you don’t feel rushed and can really enjoy each other without sacrificing sleep! And find a good sitter early on. Nothing beats making out in your car in the parking lot after dinner out!

Reply
Tricia Maze says:

February 18, 2014 at 3:04 pm

Quality time alone with my husband always works for me. We are going to need to find a way to keep up the date nights after this baby is born!

Reply
Katie says:

February 18, 2014 at 3:27 pm

Thank you for posting this. I was very disillusioned to what sex would be like after baby. We’re still working on making it work with a soon to be 11 month old.

Reply
Aurora P says:

February 18, 2014 at 8:11 pm

Wineeee and a good laugh before sex, helps me gee into mood

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Aurora P says:

February 18, 2014 at 8:26 pm

carriers!!!

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Jeannette says:

February 18, 2014 at 8:29 pm

Chores done (dishes, laundry, etc.) and babies asleep usually works….and quality time with the hubs! 🙂

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Christy I says:

February 18, 2014 at 8:56 pm

When my husband cleans so I don’t have to when I get home!

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Michelle says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:04 pm

Thanks for the tips!

Reply
Rachel Williams says:

February 18, 2014 at 9:19 pm

I’m the most turned on when we are just close and there’s no glow from his phone lighting up the room…

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Kristene says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:48 pm

I feel horrible because I never want sex =(

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Beth S. says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:48 pm

Nothing! I have no tips lol. Sex was awful for me until I stopped breastfeeding at 14 months. Hoping it’ll be different next time.

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Martha says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:50 pm

When I really think bout it, what puts me in the mood is when we’re laughing together. I love it when we’re both being silly, joking about similar things, and being goofy. In those moments, I feel like we are so connected – we are enjoying the world together, making inside jokes, truly forming bonds. Those are the moments where it’s so easy to just fall into a kiss which turns into a make out session which leads to…maybe baby number two! 🙂

Reply
Felicia Walker says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:51 pm

Having a husband who loves and appreciates my postpartum body.

Reply
Desirae says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:53 pm

After 6 kids, I think the most important thing is to have a sense of humor!

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Heather says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:54 pm

Sleep, lol!

Reply
Cassy Julian says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:55 pm

Being able to REALLY relax, so even just sleeping in!

Reply
Megan says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:55 pm

I’m usually too tired to be turned on…

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Ariana R says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:55 pm

After I’ve had a nice long shower and the hubby gives me a nice long rub down. That usually does the trick.

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Maegan W. says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:55 pm

When my fiance takes over and I get to take a nice long bath and pretty myself up puts me in the mood (:

Reply
Samantha Keller says:

February 18, 2014 at 10:59 pm

True one on one time is what I need especially since it is so rare with kids around.

Reply
Amelia B says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:00 pm

Usually days when my husband has been especially helpful around the house or with the kids. Something about feeling that support and equality in our partnership 🙂

Reply
Melissa says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:01 pm

Laughter.

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Melissa says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:01 pm

A clean house! Stress free= sexy!

Reply
Kyle says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:02 pm

A gentle caress and a whisper in my ear can get me going!

Reply
Bridget edget Ahm says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:07 pm

An unexpected back rub from my partner to e ase the tensio of the day

Reply
Kait b says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:08 pm

A helpful husband 🙂

Reply
Jackie G says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:09 pm

First a good night rest if possible. Cuddling and touching.

Reply
Allesha says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:11 pm

Affection thoughout the day

Reply
Amy says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:12 pm

What gets me in the mood can differ from time to time. Sometime it isn’t much…just a touch and a kiss. But other times it takes him running a bath for me and a message.

Reply
Elizabeth Mathis says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:16 pm

So many things resonated with me. Shame, stress, expectation, intentionality, flirting, breaks, time alone. Wow.

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Annie Baltzelle says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:18 pm

Kisses and sleeping children!

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Violet says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:21 pm

Be honest about your feelings.

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Erin M says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:22 pm

Peace and quiet!

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Hannah Ballou says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:27 pm

When he looks at me! I know that I am loved, adored and supported. It turns me on 🙂

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Melva says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:28 pm

The point on stress is very true. That is why working out and being active puts me in the mood. It helps me release stress and I feel happier and sexier!

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Julianne says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:33 pm

My husband was so patient after our first, he even wanted to wait the extra week (7) to make it special because it fell on Valentines day… We have a sense of humor about sex and sometimes end up cracking up in the middle. Also we co sleep with our 22 mo old and I FINALLY decided to put his (yet unused) crib between our bed and the wall with the side off, so now we just scoot him over after he falls asleep… 🙂 Patience, time, humor and sleepy kids… 🙂 Hubby doing housework while I nurse is a huge plus too!

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Jessica says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:34 pm

Feeling appreciated and beautiful puts me in the mood.

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Sarah says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:34 pm

Help with anything! Dinner, lunches fir the next day, getting the kids bathed and into bed, reading to our daughter. Anything to help with the stress of the evening routine!

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Julianne says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:37 pm

Patience (him), humor, hubby helping around the house, and time alone together

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Julia says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:40 pm

Not a lot puts me in the mood these days – 10 month old and 2.5 year old are both very attached to me right now so I’m exhausted & touched out almost always. But – my “love language” is physical touch and I know that I’ll feel more connected afterwards, so…

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Nicole says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:42 pm

Hmmm…when you have a toddler who bedshares…probably a free bed and a little foot massage could help get the party started!!

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Tera Austrum says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:42 pm

When my husband cleans it gets me in the mood, lol

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rachyl says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:44 pm

great article. at this point nothing turns me on lol hope that will change soon

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Q.A. says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:45 pm

When DH sees where I need assistance in something and takes over without my mentioning it. HUGE turn on.

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Jilean chandler says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:48 pm

When I don’t have to worry about the house/ kids etc

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Luisa Baginski says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:52 pm

Nothing seems to these days 🙁

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Magda says:

February 18, 2014 at 11:56 pm

Sleep, sleep, sleep 🙂 Even if it’s just an extra 15 minutes; a longer nap can do wonders! And humor, I love it when my partner makes me laugh, especially at times when I am the most stressed, middle-of-a-temper-tantrum while I am cleaning and cooking at the same time worrying about work and bills–he can make that all go away for a bit 🙂

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Kara says:

February 19, 2014 at 12:08 am

Not much at 37 1/2 weeks pregnant. I’m looking forward to wanting it again in the near(ish) future!

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Ashlee says:

February 19, 2014 at 12:16 am

I honestly don’t know, but husband does no matter how I’m feeling & it amazes me!

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Melissa M says:

February 19, 2014 at 12:21 am

My husband helping around the house !

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Blayne says:

February 19, 2014 at 12:27 am

What puts me in the mood is getting help around the house!

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Elizabeth T says:

February 19, 2014 at 12:58 am

cuddling and sweet compliments

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Athena says:

February 19, 2014 at 1:05 am

Honestly? At this point I’m so sleep deprived nothing puts me in the mood. I’m so exhausted my health had suffered and sex isn’t even on the list of things I want to do.

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Cora lambert says:

February 19, 2014 at 1:10 am

When the house is semi clean, I’ve been payed attention to by my husband ( talking, kissing, touching, etc), the kids are asleep, and don’t hurt or feel sick, then I’m ready for anything.

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amy w says:

February 19, 2014 at 1:11 am

full nights sleep, help cleaning/cooking/child rearing

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Stephanie says:

February 19, 2014 at 1:27 am

Cuddling being intimate without expectations

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sherelle martin says:

February 19, 2014 at 1:37 am

The only way I’m having sex with my fiance now that our son is here is if he uses a condom or I find a good birth control method!!

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Sheena says:

February 19, 2014 at 1:47 am

Biggest tip that works for me is to keep flirting and honest and open communication. As long as both parties are open and accepting of eachother’s needs and position and work together to support meeting those needs everybody wins.

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Hayley Elliott says:

February 19, 2014 at 2:02 am

Having him help with kids or watching him cook dinner. Then hanging out and being close to each other on the couch after everyone else has gone to bed.

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Katie Hobbs says:

February 19, 2014 at 2:09 am

This was really helpful for me, thanks for writing it.

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Lindsay Chhaya says:

February 19, 2014 at 2:14 am

Spending quality time together !

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Em says:

February 19, 2014 at 2:33 am

Being well rested – if you’re too tired to think about sex, then you’re too tired to enjoy it.

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Katie Hobbs says:

February 19, 2014 at 2:36 am

I use a lot of excuses I like how you said not to hide behind them

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Ruthy Kirwan says:

February 19, 2014 at 2:56 am

These days? Sleep and relief from baby duties. And his cute smile 🙂

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Jammie t says:

February 19, 2014 at 3:20 am

Good sleep always puts me in the mood

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Jenni says:

February 19, 2014 at 3:50 am

It’s the little things throughout each day that get me in the mood. Touches, kisses, laughter, teamwork, etc… 🙂

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Annie says:

February 19, 2014 at 3:58 am

My husband made it clear that he expected sex the very moment I got home from my six-week checkup. It kind of killed my enjoyment of it, to have the demand be so high.

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Anne says:

February 19, 2014 at 4:11 am

Snuggling- and getting enough sleep! (Or, let’s face it, any sleep.)

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Lyla says:

February 19, 2014 at 4:19 am

Best turn on is a foot rub before bed, then him grabbing the scrubby from me in the shower. That’ll do it every time.

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JoAnne G says:

February 19, 2014 at 5:01 am

My tip would be to take care of yourself, and feel pretty and sexy again. You need it and deserve it. I know when I haven’t rested and haven’t looked my best, I feel gross and I don’t want to be touched. Pamper yourself or buy some new clothes, workout, just anything that will make you feel great again. Don’t let yourself go just because you have kids and have a busy schedule.

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Kelsey says:

February 19, 2014 at 5:14 am

A clean house 😉

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Caron B says:

February 19, 2014 at 5:32 am

Getting enough sleep and flirting with each other.

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Erin says:

February 19, 2014 at 5:34 am

Patience patience patience

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Kristy says:

February 19, 2014 at 5:49 am

Sleep haha

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Michaela says:

February 19, 2014 at 5:55 am

Date night

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Rose says:

February 19, 2014 at 6:16 am

The dishes done and a sleeping baby.

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Daniella says:

February 19, 2014 at 6:20 am

My idea of a good time these days if sitting on the potty till I run out of lives on candy crush and then taking a hot shower till I run out of hot water. Lol. Hubby knows nothing puts me in the mood quite like a clean kitchen and a folded load of laundry. :o)

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Sarah W says:

February 19, 2014 at 6:45 am

Touching throughout the day.

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Leah says:

February 19, 2014 at 6:47 am

my tip is to take things slow. And to tell your partner was is comfortable and what hurts

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Ashley says:

February 19, 2014 at 7:07 am

Nothing! I wish it did

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Rebecca says:

February 19, 2014 at 7:13 am

For me, getting in the mood is as simple as an innocent gesture from my SO such as a random hug or kiss, in addition to watching how good of a parent he is.

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Elizabeth says:

February 19, 2014 at 7:15 am

Lately it has been the way my husband looks at me and the way he touches me, makes us both feel like pre babies us

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Sara R says:

February 19, 2014 at 7:21 am

Lately nothing…. but being more emotionally connected usually puts me more in the mood

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Katie lott says:

February 19, 2014 at 7:25 am

When my husband does things for me or it appears that he’s thinking about me.

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Crystal R says:

February 19, 2014 at 7:34 am

I don’t have any tips but this really helped me understand a few things & I am forwarding to my husband as well.

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Stephanie H says:

February 19, 2014 at 7:35 am

imbalance is a HUGE problem for us, thanks for all the encouraging words! I am due in 3 weeks with #2, but wasn’t with hubs when I had #1 so this is a whole new land for me.

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Jessica says:

February 19, 2014 at 7:36 am

enough sleep!

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Katy H. says:

February 19, 2014 at 7:37 am

Quality time together!

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