I Am Man

I am man.

So hide your goods or I may decide that they are mine.

That’s right, I mean your breasts. Hide them. Because if I catch a glimpse of them, who knows what I will do?

I am a sexual Hulk, the monster lurks inside me, and once aroused who knows what devastation it may cause?

It’s not me, it’s the creature that lives inside, and so I cannot help what I do, for I cannot help what I am. Boys will be boys and men will be men.

When I see something that I want, I should get it, or I am not really man. The whole world is rightfully mine, and nothing should be denied me.

I am man, and what I like I deserve to have.

I like breasts, and so all breasts are mine. If I check yours out, if I stare at them, it is because I can’t help it and I believe they are mine. As objects designed for my enjoyment, I will call them tits or boobs or hooters or whatever pet name I deem appropriate to name what is mine.

If you hide them then I may not think about how they are mine and then we may have a real conversation – as long as someone not hiding them doesn’t walk by. Or whips them out for their baby because they’re too lazy to mix a bottle; they’re clearly asking for my attention; how dare the shameless exhibitionist feel insulted when I am doing the ogling they wanted by baring their tatas in public. Oh yeah, I also wear that tata bracelet because I love thinking about them all the time.

But I also like butts, women’s butts.

So you should hide that too.

I just can’t control my mind; when a woman walks past in tight pants and a form-fitting shirt, I have to look. I can’t help it.

It cannot be controlled, it is an automatic response and I must check you out.

Your worth is determined by these things. My attention must be earned, and I will give you the attention you want based on what you’re comfortable flaunting.

Your breasts, your butt, and also your legs. Hide those too.

A short skirt will force me to look. And to want. I really have no choice, for I am man.

And your shoulders and back, because they can be so tantalizing and distracting.

Better cover them up too.

What’s left? Nothing I hope, because I don’t believe you should have to wear a burqa; that’s just dehumanizing. Then again, even if you did cover up completely, it really couldn’t stop me from thinking about the sexy thing teasing me underneath.

Because let’s face it: my arousal is your problem. You caused it, so it’s your responsibility. But don’t think that it’s a bad thing. Ugly people simply aren’t worth my attention, so you’ve done well capturing mine.

Not that I had a choice.

Because I can’t help but stare when I notice something sexy. And I can’t help my own arousal. Since you caused it, it makes sense for you to take care of it. If not actually, then inhabit my thoughts for a while and I’ll help it along. But that’s a compromise I shouldn’t have to make.

What’s left? Well, your mouth. When you talk, it moves and I wonder what it would be like to smother it with mine, so you should consider concealing that too, because even if you’re not talking it’s there like a beacon, beckoning me to wreck myself on it. Yeah, you should probably hide that too.

And your eyes. Wow. Eyes are sexy. And I have no control of myself when I find something sexy.

You know what else? Confidence is sexy too. Sexy as hell. Attractive to a point you can’t even imagine.

And deep conversation.

And talent.

And ambition.

And creative thoughts.

And intellect.

Oh yeah, those are all sexy too.

So basically it doesn’t even matter what you wear.

And you’re responsible for my arousal, so it’s completely natural that I should take advantage of that.

If I’m inappropriate, it’s your fault.

If I harass you, it’s because you’re just too damn sexy.

You were asking for it. Because you look like a woman, or you have ambition, or you’re confident, or you maintain interesting conversations, or you’re attractive to me in some other way.

If I find you attractive or sexy in any way, it’s your fault, and what happens as a result is your fault also.

Because I am man.

And I am not responsible for my actions when I find someone sexy.

I can’t help it.

And I call bullshit.

If this is being man, then I quit. I turn in my man card. I never wanted it anyway. It was handed to me as a welcome to the man club, where my only expectations were to have no self-control, no sense of responsibility, no respect for anyone but other card-carrying men, where I was expected to have a cave where I would be free of responsibility and integrity, where I would care more about sports than my family, and where I was to despise all things healthy and beautiful and uplifting, except when it came to women, where I was to be obsessed with the healthy ones, the beautiful ones, and the lifted breasts. It’s so great to be expected to be an entitled self-centered misogynist with zero self-control and accountability. It’s so easy to live up to.

And it’s so dehumanizing.

I’m not interested in being a card-carrying man, defined by privileged and entitled men who want to perpetuate the debasing objectification, harassment and use of women; by men who want to keep women enslaved to their supposed inability to think of women as anything but creatures here to satisfy every sexual impulse a man has, impulses which are blown out of proportion by egos and a fear of appearing weak, which are then accepted as normal “man” behavior. So much so-called normal behaviors observed today are presented as an acceptable norm, a base-line by which to measure how you compare to everyone else, and so being normal is good. Is our culture obsessed with looks? Then it is good to be obsessed with looks, for it is normal. Do men routinely objectify women in their thoughts and in their conversation? Then it is good, for it is normal. Please excuse my language, for I feel quite strongly about this, but to hell with normal. To hell with man cards.

I guess I’m just not man enough.

Being man isn’t enough for me.

I want to be human, on equal footing with all other humans, male and female both.

Let’s make a bonfire and burn all man cards. Let us grow and change and lift each other up with respect as equals and not be satisfied until each person is rehumanized.

We can influence the culture around us. We can change it for the better. Our friends, our neighbors, our family – I sure hope being human is contagious.

Start with you.

I’ll start with me.

I am done being “man.”

I simply want to be human.

~ Jeremy

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16 Responses to "I Am Man"

Laura says:

May 19, 2014 at 3:36 pm

Thank you for this. I read this just after a 12-year old student was sent to my office because she was wearing a tank top. A staff member told her it was inappropriate and that people will think she’s a “hoochie mama”. She was very upset and said, “Miss, I’m not a ho”. I explained to her that what she was wearing is fine the second she leaves the building. It’s fine at home. Or at the mall. But at school she has to dress “professionally”. I reassured her that her outfit was suitable, just not for school. School is a place of business. Then I made her laugh with my depiction of my 8pm run for gas last night in my Sunday best. She got the point. This got me thinking about the impact my staff member’s words had on her. He was teaching her that she should cover up her body and be ashamed of its developing so young–her body is a “distraction”. He then gave license to the boys to not be responsible for the erection they get when they see her breasts. In reality, just like a developing boy cannot control an erection, girls cannot control the growth of their breasts. This is why we need to teach them self-worth and change the conversation.

When girls hear this depiction of their bodies, it leads them to either feel ashamed, or feel falsely empowered to use their bodies for selfish gain. And this, my friends, is the beginning of slut-shaming and victim-blaming. Change the conversation, and you change the outcome. Adolescents are listening–choose your words carefully.

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1. Rhonda says:
  
  June 29, 2018 at 1:44 pm
  
  Well said, Laura!!
  
  Reply
Kelsey Munger says:

May 20, 2014 at 12:01 am

I loved this, Jeremy! thank you for writing this.

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Carol says:

May 20, 2014 at 8:17 am

Wow! YOU are what a real man is… the world would be such a great place to be in if there were more like you!

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tg says:

May 20, 2014 at 2:18 pm

i can’t imagine how you ended up with such a strange world view…but i guess congrats on improving yourself

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Red Green says:

May 20, 2014 at 3:51 pm

I’m a man
But I can change
If I have to
I guess
– the man poem

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Joe says:

May 20, 2014 at 10:39 pm

Congrats on your promotion Harry Crane!

But seriously, this sort of thing is pretty lame. I’m getting pretty tired of how liberal types define “being a man” as being a terrible human being.

Maybe I’m just an out of touch conservative. But I always kind of thought of being a man as being a responsible adult male who treats people with respect and demands that other people treat himself and others with respect too.

I agree with a lot of what this guy is saying, I just hate how he’s saying it. All of these immature and sexist behaviors are pathetic, but when I think of a “man card” harassing and disrespecting women is the last thing I think of.

I don’t understand the point of this stuff. I feel like people post this, and they get a bunch of “likes” or whatever from people who already agreed with them anyway. And then some jerk comes around and insults them. Then they can sort of take the high road and it kind of re-iterates their point. But it’s not really constructive.

Being a man should be something you aspire to be (assuming you identify as a male and all that jazz. Obviously being a man isn’t any better than being a woman, really this is just about being an adult) and not something you should be ashamed of or apologize for.

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 20, 2014 at 11:51 pm
  
  Thank you for your reply, Joe. I appreciate hearing from another man who feels that disrespecting and harassing women is a completely unacceptable activity for men to do. Of course I wanted this post to generate a bunch of “likes” but that’s not why I wrote it. Perhaps you are an out-of-touch conservative; or maybe you live in a community that holds men to a higher moral standard than most. I really couldn’t say. As a child of conservative Christian parents, I grew up with the notion that boys/men can’t control themselves when it comes to girls/women, and as such it befalls on girls to dress in such a way as to protect boys from sinning, and to continue on with this into adulthood too. At the same time, I developed a huge respect for girls, believing that as a boy it was my responsibility to protect them as the “weaker sex.” So as a kid, I was taught some very conflicting thoughts about boys and girls. I eventually latched on to the concept that all people, regardless of gender, are equal in the sight of God, and as such have extreme value. If my values should mirror God’s then it naturally follows that I should value each person as a creation of God, man or woman. This just explains some of where I’m coming from.
  
  The idea that men can’t control themselves is not anything new, especially in the US, and I’m honestly surprised that you are unaware of this. To prevent him from being promiscuous, my Dad was taught by his mom that all girls are evil. My wife grew up in a Christian cult and was taught that men can’t control themselves and so she had to dress modestly, meaning: long skirts and in general clothes that would hide her female figure. Two of my daughters were sexually assaulted and previously groomed for months by a teenage boy; whatever the reasons he had for doing so are irrelevant: he had the opportunity and he went with it, knowing it was wrong (he threatened to kill them and their parents) but going through with it anyway. On a very base level, he thought that he deserved to have whatever he wanted, and he wanted to have sex with a 5 yr old girl. 1 in 4 women are sexually assaulted in the US before they even turn 18. Consider the number of entitled males this represents, who objectified these girls and then decided to forcefully act on it. Whether the rapes are about sex or power is irrelevant: where is the respect for another human being?
  
  “Being a man should be something you aspire to.” “(…) really this is just about being an adult” I agree with you. It is just about being an adult, which is why I finished with just wanting to be “a human being.” That’s what I meant too. Unfortunately, there are all kinds of expectations thrown at men that imply that they either aren’t men yet, or could somehow stop being a man. Expressions like: “be a man” “man up” “grow some balls” etc are examples of how your social group has a lot to say about whether or not you’re actually a man. I think it’s weird, really, because my understanding is that you become a man when your boy-body finishes going through puberty. You’re a boy, then you’re a man. That’s it. It’s not anything you should aspire to. You don’t earn it or deserve it. You simply mature into it. There really is no alternative or choice for that matter. And no, you can’t stop being a man, or become a half-man, or some other less-than-man idea.
  
  My wife has known a level of discrimination as a woman that I would never know as a man. Television and movies make a fortune entertaining the world with how lame grown men can be. I could go on. The bottom line is that women aren’t respected and valued in our culture the same way that men are. And men aren’t taught to respect or value them either.
  
  I believe that the more you hear a message, the more you start believing it. I simply put into a blog post much of the message that I feel like I’m receiving from our culture as a man, and I’m calling it bogus, because like you, I think these immature and sexist behaviors are pathetic. Perhaps you don’t understand the point of this stuff because it wasn’t intended for people like you who are apparently immune to our culture’s message to men and don’t see much of that attitude exemplified around them. I wish it was so for the rest of us.
  
  And I don’t think you’re a jerk. Except for the part where you said my post was lame. That wasn’t very nice. You should have led off with “I don’t understand the point of this stuff.” But still, I’m not really offended. I just figure you were sharing your perspective, and I don’t expect everyone to like my writing.
  
  Oh, and the point of all this stuff? To get people talking, in the hope that some immature and sexist man out there will take it to heart and stop being a jerk. Or that some parent will decide to teach their child respect for all people. That’s the point of it. God willing, it will make some kind of positive difference.
  
  ~ Jeremy
  
  Reply
  1. Rhonda says:
    
    June 29, 2018 at 1:50 pm
    
    Jeremy for president! 🙌
    
    Reply
Jesus says:

May 21, 2014 at 9:49 am

If your conservative Christian parents taught you that men cannot control themselves around women, they did not read the book of Matthew, chapter 5:

27″You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’; 28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29″If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.…

It seems Jesus was more damning of inappropriate male lust towards woman than even you are Jeremy.

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 21, 2014 at 12:00 pm
  
  Jeremy’s parents (and mine) did in fact read and study Matthew 5. In my family we memorized the entire Sermon on the Mount so Matthew 5, 6, and 7. Your presuppositions that they didn’t study Scripture do little more than offer yourself some platitudes that you couldn’t possibly be that way. And it’s not uncommon, not even a little bit. Nearly every major Conservative Evangelical Christian organization has struggled with this and has the sexual abuse scandal in their history to show how the study of Scripture doesn’t prevent a patriarchal system from taking advantage of women and then blame them for it.
  
  But let’s take a step back for a moment and look at this issue away from the micro-lense of a specific faith group and examine how society as a whole acts about male lust and self-control. It is common for the question “what was she wearing” to be raised when rape is discussed, or what a woman’s actions were and if she was “asking for it.” Far removed from the Christian context, there are regular examples of society expecting men to not be able to control themselves and women to bear the responsibility of this. It happens all the time.
  
  ~Jessica
  
  Reply
2. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 21, 2014 at 12:13 pm
  
  Thank you for your comment. You’re right, the Bible has quite a bit to say about how men are not to lust. The passage you quoted is a perfect illustration of that. I should clarify, for my parents’ sake, that what I said about growing up in a conservative Christian home in a previous reply was more directed at the conservative Christian culture, and less at my parents. My parents taught me to have a huge amount of respect and love for the Bible and for people. Passages like Matthew 5 were presented to me both at home and at church. I’m not sure what my sisters were taught in regards to boys, but I’m pretty sure there were discussions about how they shouldn’t cause men to stumble by the way they dress. I would have to confirm that with them, or with my parents. But that’s beside the point. What I was really referencing when I said that I grew up in a conservative Christian home is that I grew up in that culture. Unfortunately, prevailing cultural Christian values don’t always line up with what you may find in the Bible. I have found this to be true when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships, which is more informed by parents’ fears than what Jesus taught. Fear of child pregnancy, fear of their teenagers getting hurt, fear of boys, etc. Good little Christian boys are taught to run away like Joseph did when Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him. Not a bad idea in certain circumstances, but is that men’s only one of defense when they are seduced by a woman? And in terms of lust, the only real instruction was just “don’t lust.” Nothing about how finding someone attractive is normal, healthy, and a good thing. Nothing about how sex isn’t actually evil, or how it’s not shameful to be a sexual being before I’m married.
  
  But all of this is really not the point of the article I wrote. I wrote about what I feel is a rampant notion in the US that men can’t control themselves (which is used to excuse all kinds of behaviors and it starts when men are boys when we excuse the way they relate to others by quoting “boys will be boys”) and that women are therefore responsible for men’s actions toward them by making sure they dress appropriately covered. I believe that men can control themselves, and believe that most men actually do, in spite of the sad cultural expectation. But the expectation is there. It’s engrained in our culture, and women fall prey to that idea every day. It’s so easy to write it off as men, because we’re not the targets. We don’t concern ourselves with how people might be staring at us. The attitude of men toward women in our culture is so bad, and so prevalent, that we now have the expression “rape culture.”
  
  So what did you actually think of what I said in the article, Jesus? I’m surprised that you chose to pick on my parents instead of responding to the actual content of the article. Hopefully you’re not dismissing it by providing a distraction from it.
  
  ~ Jeremy
  
  Reply
Kristen Morrison says:

May 21, 2014 at 2:13 pm

How could anyone find fault with this? To disagree with it, in my opinion, is to say that there isn’t a problem. What Pleasantville are some of the commenters living in? I grew up in a religious denomination (here in the deep South of Alabama… yikes!) that I found to be very brainwashing. I stopped attending when I was 15 and I am now 28. Even now, I have a difficult time separating what I feel to be true and right from what I was taught. It’s hard to realize you aren’t evil, and it’s hard to realize you aren’t torturing someone simply by walking down the street. Jeremy is right, if I understood him correctly, in making the observation that, how can one be weak and meek yet so powerful and evil too? It’s a huge contradiction and I’m tired of being blamed for every obscene comment and look that comes my way. I’m a very curvy gal, even more so after having my little fella. Why in the world should I ever feel bad for the body I’ve learned to love and embrace (when in my late teens to early 20s I simply could NOT)? Why should I ever feel like it’s too much for someone else? I shouldn’t. This blog post is spot on. I can’t understand how those disagreeing can’t even find the smallest bit of something to agree with.

(Pardon my disconnected thoughts. I was in the middle of trying to tame my little guy with his gymnurstics when I started putting them together!)

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1. JMartin-Weber says:
  
  May 21, 2014 at 2:53 pm
  
  “how can one be weak and meek yet so powerful and evil too?”
  
  Exactly, Kristen. How can women be the weaker sex and hold so little official power, but render a man incapable of rational thought by flashing a bit of leg? And on the flip side, how can men be held in such a position of authority and power and yet be completely helpless when it comes to the female form? And yet, this is exactly the kind of truth being taught in much of the church culture.
  
  There are many positive things I can say about the church, but when it comes to sexual things I feel that there is still more wrong taught than right, and this has gone on for longer than I know. Unfortunately, because there is such a long history of Christian influence in the US, we are still reaping the consequences of that kind of teaching. To be clear, I mean the kind of teaching that has to do with male dominance, female submission, inequality, patriarchy or complementarianism at best, sex as evil, bodies as evil, natural biological functions as evil, no difference between attraction and lust, shame, etc. That kind of teaching. And deeper, the belief that we are each inherently evil, or bad, at our very core, in our very nature.
  
  I don’t believe in any of that anymore, and am happy to have discovered that there are many others who don’t either and still believe in and love their Creator.
  
  Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Kristen.
  
  ~ Jeremy
  
  Reply
Dorcas says:

May 21, 2014 at 3:11 pm

This was so sadly correct….the unspoken things that are “truth”…and that I bought into for a long time when I was young. What man would admit to those beliefs? But those who think they are not real have not looked at any of the stuff for “men” and the stuff for “women” that are on the shelves of most “Christian” book stores. Bravo to you for writing this post.

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JordanAugustin says:

May 28, 2014 at 3:02 pm

I’d like to thank you both for bringing this subject to light for me. I’d never given much thought to this subject until I had my daughter 15 months ago. I nurse in public and get negative feedback from men and women both, but everyone has the same reasoning, it might sexually arouse men or young boys or make them uncomfortable. To quote you, “I call bullshit.” I’d just like to thank you both so much for opening my mind, helping me voice how I felt about the subject and helping me, in the future, to be able to teach my daughter that she deserves respect and she is not, in any way, responsible for a man who “can’t control” himself. Also, I will be printing and saving this article so I can show her, when she’s an appropriate age, the right kind of human being to have in her life.

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